So Bad, They're Brilliant!

The American Cinematheque at The Egyptian Theater in Hollywood usually gives movielovers the chance to view, on the big screen, some of the most important and influential films of all time–but not during August 13th-19. On those enchanted evenings, my pop culture gurus Stephen Rebello (co-author of BAD MOVIES WE LOVE) and Alonso Duralde (author of 101 MUST-SEE MOVIES FOR GAY MEN) will be presenting 9 of the best worst movies ever made. In other words - MY kind of movies!

In addition there will be a "More Is More" fashion show/competition on August 13th and book signings each night! Here's the amazing line-up:

Thursday, August 13 – 7:30 PM Double Feature:KITTEN WITH A WHIP, (1964, Universal, 83 min.) Starring sassy Ann-Margret and John Forsythe. Directed by veteran TV helmer Douglas Heyes (THE TWILIGHT ZONE) from his screenplay based on a novel by Wade Miller, KITTEN WITH A WHIP is jam-packed with fake Beat Generation dialogue, a jazzy score, and an over-the-top performane by Ann-Margret at her snarly, vampy best.THE LONELY LADY (1983, Universal, 92 min.) Camp superstar Pia Zadora plays a would-be screenwriter who gets abused by every man she encounters. Look for Ray Liotta and Lloyd Bochner in this ludicrous adaptation of Harold Robbins' trashy bestseller. Directed by Peter Sasdy (TASTE THE BLOOD OF DRACULA), this 80s classic was a multiple winner at the Razzie Awards, which in 2005 nominated it as one of the worst dramas ever made.

Friday, August 14 – 7:30 PM Double Feature:XANADU (1980, Universal, 93 min.) Director Robert Greenwald misguides Olivia Newton-John, Michael Beck and Gene Kelly through a romp that melds 1940s MGM musicals with the roller-disco fad of the late 70s. One of my favorite films of all time. You can read more about it and The Electric Light Orchestra here.

STAYING ALIVE (1983, Paramount, 96 min.) John Travolta returns to SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER territory in this ridiculous sequel. Tony Manero is now Broadway bound under the direction of Sylvester Stallone. Bob Mackie costumes, bad choregraphy and dumb dialogue make this one a laugh-out-loud winner. With soap star Finola Hughes and Cynthia Rhodes.

Saturday, August 15 – "More is More" Fashion Show at 7:00 PM!

7:30 PM Double Feature:MAHOGANY (1975, Paramount, 109 min.) After Oscar-winning director Tony Richardson bailed, Motown head honcho Berry Gordy stepped in to direct Miss Diana Ross in this soapy story of a spunky, ambitious glamour gal rising up from slums to become a famous international supermodel. Anthony Perkins and Billy Dee Williams come along for the wild ride.A NEW KIND OF LOVE (1963, Paramount, 110 min.) Melville Shavelson directs Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward in this love story with the Parisian fashion world as a background. Eva Gabor, Thelma Ritter and Maurice Chevalier lend support.

Sunday, August 16 – 7:30 PMLOST HORIZON, (1973, Sony Repertory, 150 min.) Director Charles Jarrott's notorious musical version of James Hilton’s novel about a plane crash. Songs by the usually great Burt Bacharach and Hal David, performed by actors who can’t sing. Produced by Ross Hunter (AIRPORT), starring Peter Finch, Liv Ullman, Sally Kellerman, Michael York and George Kennedy. Choreographed by Hermes Pan and scripted by none other than playwright and activist Larry Kramer (THE NORMAL HEART)!!!

Wednesday, August 19 – 7:30 PM Double Feature:GLITTER (2001, 20th Century Fox, 104 min.) Director Vondie Curtis-Hall brings non-actress Mariah Carey to the big screen in this "what the fuck?" showbiz saga. Max Beesley, Terrence Howard and Dougsploitation favorite Ann Magnuson show up and save the day.FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY (2003, 20th Century Fox, 81 min.) Need I say anything?

I will try to be there for as many of these screening as I can, since there are a few of these films that I have never seen. If you'd like to join in in the fun, you can order tickets here.

Julie & Julia is Delicious!

Just came home from a preview screening of JULIE & JULIA - the new Nora Ephron (who has miraculously redeemed herself for the dreadful BEWITCHED travesty) film starring the wonderful Amy Adams and the magnificent Meryl Streep. Even as vegan, I still found the film enchanting and hunger inducing. Luckily, Julia Child left behind an entire book of vegetable recipes - I only wonder how many are smothered in butter, cream sauces or cooked in lard. It's now my mission to find a copy of this book and cook every recipe in it and blog about it. Not really, but it would be fun to have.

Tomcat & Wildcat

Going through my "miscellaneous images" files I came across these two feline-themed vintage mens' magazine covers. Meow!

"You'll PURR with PAGAN PLEASURE!" Love it!

"Death Orgy of the Leopard Women!" How did they come up with this stuff?

Wacky Underwear

Cleaning out my files, I came across this groovy vintage ad from the 1970s.

Danny's Surprise Movie Matinee: MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS

Hello faithful readers, I may have mentioned in the past that my dear friend Danny occasionally hosts SURPRISE MOVE NIGHT parties at his home. A few transcripts from those events, written by Danny, have appeared on this very blog in the past. This past Saturday we were treated to a special SURPRISE MOVIE MATINEE - and I am turning today's post over to Danny once again to report on the proceedings. Take it away, Danny...Thanks, Dougsploitation! I'm Danny. Seeing as how this was my first surprise movie event in a while, it naturally started off as a disaster! I couldn't get my damn DVD player to work and I had to go to Plan B: the dreaded VHS!!! I put in something called PROTOTYPE X29A... It was horribly unwatchable! Except for the hot Prototype robot costume (which accentuated a hot Prototype butt) there was nothing notable about this feature so we yanked it and recommenced fretting over the faulty DVD player. Guest viewer Tony C. was really helpful here, but everything we/he tried so valiantly just left us more confounded. Then, I realized my "portable porn player" had a cable I could attach to the TV and, VOILA! we had our original intended feature...and the reason we had calamari for lunch...MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS! Starring Deborah Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas!
Yeah, start kicking yourselves now! This movie, brought to us by the notorious folks over at THE ASYLUM, is a treat for all group movie watchers. Queue up your Netflix now! It all starts with pop 80's sensation and Playboy model Deborah Gibson... yes, she did Playboy. Yes, she did! Don't contradict me, I know what I'm talking about! See? It was a nice little spread... In all honesty, I thought it was cute & tasteful. Anyway, she puts on some clothes and plays Q-Bert inside a minisub while listening to whales and other sea life play instruments. The Sea lion played the oboe. She must have been possessed, or something like that, cause every time she handled the controls, her hand would have black fingernails and seemed very man-like, but then all normal again as she played Q-Bert.Meanwhile, a helicopter above drops a flashy coffee thermos into the water which makes the concert go awry and all the whales skedaddle. Then Deborah thinks she hallucinates a frozen mega shark and giant octopus, so she don't say nothing about it.Later the giant octopus angrily attacks an offshore rig in Japan, killing almost everyone onboard and the mega shark eats a plane! (Doug's note: this has got to be seen to be believed!)Back in Long Beach, which in this movie is called" San Francisco", Deborah goes to CSI a whale washed up on the beach. She gets all Sheriff Brody and the head guy says it was done by a propeller- case closed! As a true Playboy model would, Deborah sneaks back and pulls a mega tooth fragment out of the whale. She calls her old professor, Dr. Old Guy and asks his opinion. He tells her it's a mega shark tooth. Then her former classmate, Asian Guy, comes to ask Dr. Old Guy about the giant eye he sketched based on the account of a giant eye witness from the rig. Dr. Old Guy says it's a giant octopus' eye. Lorenzo Lamas then Shanghais the trio and takes them to some super secret naval base thing. He tells them, in the most ass-holey way he can, that they need to find a way to stop these giant mega creatures. Speaking of which, the monsters attack subs that are lit like early 80's music videos. The Asian subs are mainly yellow with a blue complementary light, while the American subs are mainly yellow with a fuchsia complementary light.
ANYway... Deborah, Dr. Old Guy and Asian Guy spend a lot of time mixing Easter egg dye in tubes and beakers and, in the most brilliant scene in the movie, Deborah is absolutely crestfallen when she mixes blue and red and gets purple!!To cheer her up Asian Guy says something that really turns her on and they sneak away to do "it" in a broom closet. That is all the inspiration Deborah needs! She realizes that they can lure the giant mega monsters to place that makes them easy to be captured... and they'll lure them with furry moans! Yeah, that stuff that attracts one sex to the other, unless they're gay. I think they intend on using Deborah's furry moans. And to prove it'll work, Deborah mixes a green egg dye with a yellow egg dye and it GLOWS!! That proves it! They lure the Mega Shark to the San Francisco bay, where he'll get stuck between two continental shelves, but things go awry in the music video subs and the plan fails. The shark, angry that he's not going to get it on with Deborah, eats the Golden Gate Bridge ... don't be a tease with a horny mega shark! Meanwhile, Asian Guy reports that things went wrong with the giant octopus, too, but the was no budget to show it, so we just believe him. After Lorenzo Lamas tells them that thousands of people have been killed, in the most ass-holey way he can, he says they're gonna nuke them. Deborah won't stand for it and suggests getting them to fight & kill each other... getting them together with her furry moans, again.
The stupid giant monsters fall for the furry moan trick again and fight each other in a quick cut, repeated shot, cgi fight. They die and Deborah & Asian Guy hook up to live in oceanic peace... until Dr. old Guy brings them another case! THE END.

HERE'S THE TRAILER FOR A QUICKER RECAP:

The Original HOLLYWOOD SQUARES is back!!!

Go here to view FULL EPISODES of the original, classic HOLLYWOOD SQUARES! Did you ever wonder what it looked like backstage?
Pretty cool, huh? Here's a shot of host Peter Marshall...
And here's a candid glimpse of Shirley Jones, master zinger Paul Lynde and someone who looks like Dinah Shore!
So check out the link and enjoy one of the al;l-time classic game shows!

I wanted to be an ARTIST!

If it was only this easy...

Busy Busy Busy

Sorry I haven't posted anything new in a few days. Lots of stuff going on in the world of Dougsploitation. And no, I'm NOT at Comic-Con. If you miss my musings, you could always peruse my archives located to the right of this or check out some of my other blogs...

As a Friday bonus, here's something rare & unusual - a sample of the FRIDAY FOSTER comic strip from the early 1970s. Enjoy!

See ya'll in a few days!

THE MISMATCH GAME Returns!

Where else could you see legendary stars like Charles Nelson Reilly, Phyllis Diller, Ricardo Montalban and Shelley Winters interact LIVE on stage with today's top personalties Miss Piggy, Rosie O'Donnell and Jessica Simpson? Plus - throw Margot Kidder, Karen Black, Evie Harris and the Virgin Mary(!), into the mix - and it could only be Dennis Hensley's THE MISMATCH GAME!

With Your Host, Dennis Hensley, and All-Star Cast featuring (scheduled to appear) Tony Tripoli, Jackie Clarke, Felix Pire, Jack Plotnick, Tom Lenk, Maile Flanagan, Drew Droege, Willam Belli and Patrick Bristow! Plus you can be a contestant - and win prizes!!!

FRIDAY, JULY 24 - 8 PM • SATURDAY, JULY 25 - 8 PM • SUNDAY, JULY 26 - 7 PM
The Renberg Theatre • 1125 N. McCadden Place, Hollywood

Tickets $15 • Call 323-860-7300 • By tickets online here.

Walter Cronkite 1916-2009

PUFNSTUF Revisited

Isn't summer supposed to be about reruns anyhow? Having just re-watched the PUFNSTUF movie, now that it is officially released on dvd, I've decided to repeat my original post from way back in 2007 (with some added extras!)Based on the smash hit Saturday morning kiddie series, PUFNSTUF brought the trippy Sid & Marty Krofft creation to the big screen in 1970. Hollingsworth Morse, who directed the TV series (and later many episodes of THE DUKES OF HAZZARD) expanded on the formula of bright colors, fast edits, sped-up film, and LSD-inspired musical numbers that made the NBC series so successful. To appeal to parents and gay men, they added Mama Cass Elliott and Martha Raye to the cast. Yay!This story begins with Jimmy (played by Jack Wild of OLIVER! fame), a young English runaway, frolicking near the edge of a river with his flute. Suddenly the flute comes to life and begins talking - naming itself "Freddie". It also transforms into gold and grows diamonds on it's um, shaft. Jimmy them hops aboard a beautiful magic talking boat that wants to take him out to sea. Of course, Jimmy decides to take "the trip"...not a drug reference in any way, shape or form.
We learn that this boat actually belongs to Witchiepoo (Billie Hayes - giving her performance 1000%), who then turns the pretty boat into a dark, evil boat (i.e. a "bad trip") that traps Jimmy! Jimmy somehow manages to escape from the boat and is aided by a magical go-go boot wearing talking dragon named Pufnstuf (sounding here like Huckleberry Hound) and two "cops" named Cling & Clang (don't ask). Jimmy ends up on the shores of Living island - where everything is alive!
We soon discover that Witchiepoo is after Freddie the Flute to impress Boss Witch (Raye) and her friend Witch Hazel (Cass) - who are coming to visit for an annual witches' convention! What follows are actually some terrific musical numbers- the best being the anthemic "Different" by Mama Cass and "Zap the World" (which sounds amazingly like the WONDER WOMAN theme song, also written by Charles Fox). Oh - there's also a scene with Jimmy in drag. Very, very disturbing. For that alone I give it 9 out of 10 on my scale.

Overall, not a great film for today's kids (who would not have a clue who or what Pufnstuf is), but if you grew up watching the TV show, this is certainly a curiosity worth checking out. I was actually not a big fan of the show - something about the mix of real people and oversize puppets interacting always freaked me out. I preferred my weekly Krofft dosage in human form like ELECTRA WOMAN & DYNA GIRL and DR. SHRINKER, thank you. Also, I was never really sure what Pufnstuf was supposed to be - he looked more like Mayor McCheese than any dragon I ever saw. I also had it in my head that the show wasn't made in Hollywood - but in some strange European country where things weren't quite right. Oddly enough, the shows were show right here in the San Fernando Valley.

Exhibit A: Do these this theme song lyrics make ANY sense? "H.R. Pufnstuf, Who's your friend when things get rough? H.R. Pufnstuf Can't do a little cause he can't do enough." I rest my case. Besides, characters are always singing the praises of Pufnstuf as if he's some sort of messiah, but he actually doesn't do much more than hang around and look creepy.On a side note, any true Cass Elliot fan should seek out this movie, since it was her only big-screen appearance. One wonders what would her career had been like if she didn't die so tragically young? Would she have made more films? Would she have become what Bette Midler eventually became? Would she have attracted legions of gay fans and made Disney films? Would she have hosted her own Sid & Marty Krofft variety series? Would she have played Mama Rose on Broadway? Or would PUFNSTUF become the high point in her post-Mamas & the Papas career? Sadly, the world will never know...

HBO's MR. SHOW did an excellent parody of the Pufnstuf called "The Altered State Of Druggachusetts". You can watch it here.

CAPTAIN EO Revisited

Now that the smoked has cleared. I think it's safe to rerun this controversial review of CAPTAIN EO from last spring. In light of recent news, I've decided to dust it off, clean it up just a bit and respond to some of my critics. It's not often that one gets an opportunity to review a theme park attraction"movie, especially one that's over 20 years old and no longer used because of its star's reputation for being an alleged pedophile, so when given the chance to see CAPTAIN EO (1985, directed by Francis Ford Coppola!!!) again - I practically moonwalked!This ambitious (to say the least) short was filmed in 3-D and had George Lucas attached as a writer/producer. Not the cool George Lucas of STAR WARS, but the cheesy George Lucas responsible for such dreck as the Ewoks and Jar Jar Binks. Also, I might add that this Francis Ford Coppola is not the class act "A List" director responsible for the GODFATHER saga, but the evil madman who foisted his daughter Sofia upon an unsuspecting world. One wonders if Coppola and Lucas signed a pact with the devil (aka Michael Eisner) to make this mess.This $30 million movie (Imagine what I could do with that money!!!) tells the story of Captain EO (played by a pre-skin bleached Michael Jackson) and his "ragtag" crew (basically the Banana Splits from Saturday mornings past) traveling in his space craft, which I'll call MLSTR-1, on some sort of a mission from a hologram named Commander Bog (played by Dick Shawn, who later died on stage the next year during a performance of his one-man show), that I believe (from what I could decipher) to deliver a something to a evil queen (this is Disney after all - there HAS to be an evil queen and an innocent princess) named "the Supreme Leader" - played by the fabulous Angelica Huston in H.G. Giger meets KISS OF THE SPIDER WOMAN make-up -that's funny I always thought Diana Ross was the Supreme leader!We first meet Captain EO and his Sid & Marty Krofft-inspired crew, consisting of a dumb, bumbling Dumbo-like creature named "Hooter", an annoying flying "bug" which I think is named Fuzzball (was WEBSTER not available?), a thing with two heads, a robot called Major Domo (?) with a small robot named Minor Domo, who plugs himself into the back of the larger robot. No comment. They soon fly past a giant space rock that looks like Michael's old nose, that explodes, reportedly causing the audience to scream with delight. I don't recall since 3-D movies give me migraines and I usually don't wear the plastic eye disease-spreading glasses that they hand out.
Once they arrive on Planet Huston, they encounter Angelica, who lives in a place that looks like a dirty, flithy warehouse, decorated with scrap metal and disconnected wires. She is the only cool thing in this entire 17-minute opus, and she orders her storm troopers to take them captive - and she sentences them to be tortured. IF ONLY, because I'm already in pain from watching this, and I don't like to suffer alone!

Princess EO tells the Queen that he sees the hidden "beauty" within her - all she needs is some good plastic surgery and that he has a gift to help unleash it. Then the first "music video" portion of the evening begins, but clumsy Hooter trips into EO and breaks his instrument, stopping the music. I was almost expecting EO's hair to catch on fire!

Before the grande bitch's guards can capture EO, Hooter fixes the problem (damn you Hooter!!!) and there's a blast of music, which gives EO super human powers - transforming the storm troopers into Solid Gold dancers.

Then a THRILLER-like dance number begins, followed by a dreadful song, "We Are Here to Change the World" - during which he uses his powers and magical rainbow tee-shirt to transform the Queen into a "beautiful woman" and her planet is transformed into an OZ-like paradise. Then we are "treated" to another crappy song called "Another Part of Me" which I think may have referred to Michael's allegedly polka-dotted penis.

And then it's over. Thankfully. I have to say –with all respects to the recently departed megastar–I have never owned a single Michael Jackson record, 8-track tape or cd EVER ("We are the World" doesn't count, does it?) -and this little film exemplifies why. In my book, I never found "the man in the mirror" to be a genius that most people did. I'm sorry.

As a kid, I did enjoy the JACKSON 5IVE cartoon series, and really loved little Janet as child-abuse victim Penny on GOOD TIMES (nothing says "good times" better than the imprint of a clothes iron burned into your flesh), but that's as far as my Jackson tolerance goes.

I guess I'll never understand how and why people are drawn to such marginally talented "pop stars" - well then again this is the same planet where AMERICAN IDOL and DANCING WITH THE STARS are the top 2 shows on TV. Give me the GONG SHOW any day. Oh, sorry - what was I reviewing? Oh yeah, CAPTAIN EO. It sucks, but not in "the good way". 2 outta 10.

Okay - that was my initial post (with a few minor edits). Here's the comments I received:

TEDDY writes: you're right, Captain Eo blows, I never did like Mickey Jackson either.

DOUG responds: Thanks Teddy.

JUSTIN writes: You can call E.O crap, but to say Michael Jackson isn't talented? What are you smoking? The man single-gloved handedly revolutionized the music business and every male pop and R&B artist that has followed after him has taken a note of two from his book; the same way female pop-stars follow Janet's career book as well (save for the SB wardrobe malfunction. Michael Jackson not talented.... indeed this is the first time i've ever read someone dismiss the man's talent.

DOUG responds: Well, just because someone inspires others to adapt certain aspects of their style doesn't really have anything to do with talent. It has to do with packaging and marketing - which, in the 1980s, was something that the Jackson camp was able to do extremely well. I just don't find his music or the music that it inspired very appealing - the same for his sister. Sorry. Justin - if I was smoking something I might have enjoyed EO more. Maybe next time?

ANONYMOUS writes: Wow, I agree with Justin, Michael jackson has had such a major influence in pop culture and the artists of today, i.e. Usher, Ne-yo, Chris Brown, Justin Timberlake, just to name a few. They all credit him as one of their inspirations. I'm not concerned with someone's appearance and quirkiness, as much as God-Given talent. you don't have to like the movie, ...it's from the 80's and was at Disney, but don't discount the kind of talent Michael Jackson has!

DOUG responds: Usher, Ne-yo, Chris Brown, Justin Timberlake. 4 prime examples of why music sucks today. Thank you for proving my point.

PAT writes: Pop music is in it's worst shape ever thanks to "influences" like Michael Jackson. Calling "performers" like Usher, Ne-yo, Chris Brown and Justin Timberlake "artists" just shows how far down the talent scale we've slid. They are all pretty crappy if you ask me, though I wouldn't mid seeing them naked. ;) Give me Tom Jones any day!

DOUG responds: I love you Pat. Tom Jones is the true king of pop.

LANCE writes: I too would like to see Justin Timberlake naked. Michael Jackson, not so much...

DOUG responds: I concur, Lance.

SEMI PERMANENT writes: Semi Permanent and medical micro pigmentation safely and expertly applied by fully qualified technicians with Royal College of Nursing approved training and British Association of Skin Camouflage certification. Clinics throughout England. Professional, sound advice. Excellent aftercare.

DOUG responds: That is hysterical. This officially ends our trip down memory lane. Rest in peace, Captain Eo.