Saturday, July 5, 2008

PRIME EVIL

Unintentionally continuing my Independence Day "Salute to Satan," a group of us gathered to watch one of the last films by Roberta Findlay, a notorious filmmaker whose body of work includes porno and the infamous 1970s SNUFF. PRIME EVIL from 1988 sounded great - It's supposed to be a frightfest about a group of evil Catholic monks in New York City who sacrifice humans to Lord Satan. A spunky undercover nun infiltrates the cult in an attempt to put an end to their Satanic shenanigans. How could we go wrong?

So we meet a priest named Father Thomas Seaton, a member of the demonic sect that formed in the 13th Century. We learn that members of this fraternity can earn immortality if they sacrifice a blood relation every 13 years. There's a fun & surprising decapitation scene, which seemed promising. But things go downhill fast from there.

It's December in NYC and we soon meet a guy named George and his intended victim- his "pure" granddaughter Alexandra, but her boyfriend Bill is suspicious. Alexandra thinks Bill is just jealous. We learn that she had been abused by her father and a group of child pornographers. We think he's jealous of them too.

After the sudden death of her mother, Alexandra moves in with her granddaddy and falls under the priest's seductive spell, never suspecting that she's being prepared for a Xmas sacrifice to Satan. However, the Catholic church is aware of the sinister cult plan and a young nun named Sister Angela has been recruited to expose their blasphemist ways for once and for all!
This should be good...but it isn't. It's just boring.

There are a few "comic relief" scenes set at a gym and a womens' locker room. Not sure who these women are and why they are even included. There's also a SNL "Church Lady" reference. And then there's a subplot involving a George Costanza-lookalike psycho who is a the Satanic henchmen named Ben. He's about as “menacing” as, well - George Costanza. Sometimes he's killing some people, and other times he's giving them injections and abducting them. Huh?

When Satan finally appears he's played by muppet Gonzo drenched in captsup. The special effects get better towards the end when some Satatic people rapidly age and begin to melt. But aside from that, there's really no suspense, shocks or thrills, just lots of soap opera acting, a few boobs and some nice shots of New York City during Christmas season. A measly 2 out of 10 "Huhs".

1 comment:

pepperrrr said...

it says "munts" ketchup... you know what munt rhymes with???