MAME

What? My first post in almost 4 years!!! To celebrate the Blu-ray release of the camp classic MAME, let's revisit my in-depth analysis, originally posted way back in 2007!
This 1974 film adaptation of the 1966 Broadway smash starts with the reading of the will of Patrick Dennis' late father, by his trustee, Mr. Babcock. We see our first glimpse of Patrick in his damn short pants as well as various photographic portraits of stodgy relatives - concluding with a soft focus photo of Auntie Mame! The will states that Patrick is to be left in the care of his aunt, Mame Dennis (Lucille Ball).

Patrick and his nanny, Agnes Gooch (Jane Connell recreating her Broadway role after Madeline Kahn was fired by Lucy) take a train ride to live with Mame.The train ride gives way to a migraine-inducing montage of an art deco MAME logo super-imposed with stock footage of sex, violence and depravity from the WB film archives. Accompanying this visual assault is the song "St. Bridgette" song by Connell.

When they arrive at Beekman Place, they walk into a big cocktail party at Mame's palatial NYC apartment. Underneath a portrait of Lucy by Gustav Klimt, Mame is doing an awkward shimmy on her baby grand piano wearing a red velvet pantsuit and a giant diamond-encrusted crucifix. Lucy then proceeds to warble out a horrorific rendition of "It's Today", thus setting the tone for many musical atrocities to follow. Then Lucy does the Charleston and young Patrick introduces himself by asking if he may slide down her bannister!

Mame announces his arrival to the crowd and then offers him a martini. We soon meet Mame's buddy, stage actress and lush, Vera Charles (deliously played by Bea Arthur, creating her stage role under the direction of her husband Gene Saks). Lucy (in a soft focus close-up) reprises "It's Today" as Patrick gets to slide up and down the long bannister!

The next morning, Patrick wakes up Mame (who sleeps in full make-up) with his bugle. After learning that "Auntie Mame is hung" she tells that she is enrolling him a very non-traditional "School Of Life." Then she gives him a pad and pencil in order for him to write down words he doesn't understand like "libido," "bastard" and "vocal coach." Vera then wakes up in Mame's bath tub and for no good reason, mean-spirited Mame turns the shower on, drenching her best friend.

Then we are treated to Lucy shrieking out "Open a New Window" as a montage shows Mame and Patrick riding a pony, going to a museum, attending a womens' rights rally, going to see a burlesque show, visiting a firehouse, parachuting, sitting on the crown of the Statue of Liberty (huh?), arriving at the clothing-optional School of Life, praying at St. Patrick's Cathedral, studying the Torah at a temple and doing the tango at a speakeasy! All seems to going well until the police arrive and it's a raid!!! Everybody gets off though because the judge is one of Mame's society pals. She is apparently very well-connected.

Mr. Babcock arrives to check on Patrick, running into vindictive Vera, who is blabbering on about Coco Chanel, and leads the trustee right to the controversial school- causing Patrick to be taken out of Mame's custody!!! At that same exact moment, Mame learns that the stock market has crashed and she's wiped out. This is not a good day to be Mame Dennis.

To make amends to Mame, Vera offers her a very small role in her new show - an extremely modern operetta about a woman astronomer. "The Man In The Moon is a Lady" (sung by Bea) climaxes with a total Lucy Ricardo moment as Mame is still backstage admiring herself in the mirror when she is supposed to be onstage delivering her one line - which she eventually flubs and causes chaos when she falls off of a crescent moon and is beaten by Vera with a telescope!! The show is a fiasco, but the audience seems to enjoy it. Mame begs Vera for her forgiveness, but Vera declares "The Man In The Moon is a Bitch" and then slaps a little old lady who is trying to help her with her costume. I wonder if Bea improvised that.

Patrick, who was in the audience, reassures Mame that she's that he still loves her by singing "My Best Girl" - Lucy responds by croaking "My Best Beau" back to him. Poor little guy. Meanwhile, back at Beekman place - the repo men are taking her piano, her artwork, etc. Mame soon gets a job working selling rollerskates in a department store, For some reason, she's wearing a nun's habit (sans veil) with a big black bow. Mame demonstrates a pair of rollerskates by for a customer named Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside the 3rd (Robert Preston). However, Mame gets herself fired because she doesn't know how to write up a cash sale. Huh? After first skating around the entire store, Mame proceeds to rollerskate all the way home.

When she gets home, Patrick is visiting and Mame decides to lift everyone's spirits by giving early Christmas gifts. The boy gets a pair damn long pants- and her servants Ito (George Chiang) and Gooch also get something. Lucy then leads the foursome in a rousing version of "We Need A Little Christmas", while they decorate Gooch up as if she was a an Xmas tree and throw fake snow at her. Lucy then dons the most horrifying Santa Claus mask ever created. Agnes and Ito surprise Mame by telling her the butcher bill has been paid up till next September! How'd they know how much meat they're gonna want all the way into the future??? Patrick then gives her a kiss "on account" whatever that means. Ewww.

Just then, Beau shows up at the front door and invites everyone to dinner!!! Christmas has come early!

Before you know it, Beau takes Mame and Patrick to to visit his peach plantation in Peckerwood, Georgia - where they meet sugary-sweet, but wicked by Sally Cato. (Joyce Van Patten). Beau's grotesque mother, a Jabba the Hut lookalike, Mother Burnside greets Patrick with a belch. Mame, newly-blonde arrives dressed as a southern belle, complete with an embarrassing accent. Sally Cato signs Mame up to ride sidesaddle in a foxhunt- riding the "mad" horse named Lightning. The following day, Lucy's stuntwoman works overtime as she rides the crazy horse, passing the other hunters, passing the dogs, passing the fox and jumping over Mother Burnside's car! Mame is thrown from the horse and catches the adorable little fox, and impresses everyone by NOT killing it. This prompts several dozens of peoplee to serenade her with the titular, rousing and bombastic theme song, "Mame".

Mame and Beau, are soon married and on world tour. Robert Preston croons "Loving You" as they slow dance on a cruise ship, in a Japanese garden, in soft focus and in front of a fountain. Meanwhile, Patrick goes through puberty, goes to college and starts dating debutantes. Bruce Davison takes over the role at this point. A ski trip to the Alps leads to an avalanche which kills Beau, leaving Mame widowed and alone again, naturally.

Mame then returns home and is reunited with Patrick, who is dating a snobby bitchy girl named Gloria Upson. A post-funeral reunion with her old friend Vera leads to the fun duet "Bosom Buddies", a song which once led a friend of mine to declare (90 minutes into the movie) that "the one on the left can't sing". It took him THAT long to notice!!!

Mame and Vera then decide to give frumpy Agnes a makeover and send her off into the world because "Life is a banquet, and most poor sons of bitches are starving to death." Six months later, Agnes returns home, pregnant - just as Mame is dining with Patrick and the dreadful Gloria. Patrick sees Agnes, who's been hiding in the kitchen, and decides be a good idea for Mame to visit the Upsons at their home in Connecticut.

What follows is my favorite sequence in the whole film, as Mame visits the Upsons (Don Porter and Audrey Christie) at their home, Upson Downs. After meeting all the various Upsons, Mame learns that Patrick and Gloria are engaged! The Upsons entertain Mame in their rumpus room (a former slave quarters) and introduce her to their black maid Bertha ("so many of them are so snotty these days"). Then they serve her appetizers made of tuna, clam juice and peanut butter. They ask Mame to help pay for a piece of property next door to so that the newlyweds could live there, as opposed to "the wrong kind of people."

They Upsons then show Mame home movies of Gloria - but Mame can't be any less interested. When Mame leaves, she confronts Patrick about her dislike of the Upsons, proclaiming him a snob (which he is) after he tells her that he's ashamed of her and her "crazy" friends. She tells him that the Upsons are bigots and he tells her to forget she ever knew him. This is where my favorite part ends, because as heartbroken Mame drives back home to NYC, Lucy butchers the beautiful ballad "If He Walked Into My Life". Where is Eydie Gorme when you need her???

Apparently Mame and Patrick have patched things up off-screen because the Upsons are now visiting Beekman Place. Patrick soon meets Mame's pretty new maid, Pegeen (Bobbie Jordan). The Upsons arrive, all pissed off because the property they'd wanted had been bought thanks to "some Jew lawyer." Then Mame serves them some baked monkey and Vera makes a grand entrance into with a quintet of nameless men wearing tuxedos singing "It's Today ". Vera then toasts to the new couple, mistaking Pegeen for Gloria. At that moment, pregnant Agnes crashes the party and is invited her to sit with everyone. Suddenly, a bus full of unwed pregnant women barge in, singing "Open A New Window" as Mame reveals to the Upsons that she bought the land next door to Upson Downs in oder to build the Beauregarde Burnside Memorial Home For Single Mothers. The Upsons have total fit, exclaiming that Mame isn't "one of them," dragging Gloria with them - just as Patrick makes eye contract with Pegeen! Hmmmm....

Flash forward, Patrick and Pegeen are now married and have a son, Peter. Mame, sporting gray hair, is off on a trip to Russia, and asks if Peter could join her. Although Patrick and Pegeen resist at first, Peter tells them off and they relent. Huh? Mame and Peter wave goodbye and board the plane. No luggage - I guess they will shop for long pants in Siberia. Music soars as the plane takes off. What follows is a montage of Mame hugging Vera, Gooch, Beau, adult Patrick and finally young Patrick! The End!

Whew! What a way to start the holiday movie season! I have to say that MAME is one of my favorite films of all time. I know Lucy's singing was atrocious, her dancing wooden, her comic timing is off at times, and at age 63 she was way too old to be playing a character in her 40s - but all I know is that when I saw MAME at Radio City Musical Hall as a child - I had a great time - and that's all that mattered.

Of course, IF Angela Lansbury was allowed to star in the film version - it may have been critically acclaimed, it might won some Oscars and might also have been a box-office hit. But that never happened. What did happen was Lucille Ball as Mame - and I relish ever minute of it. 10 outta 10  and worth every one of 'em.

THE MOTHERS-IN-LAW: The Loud & The Furious

From 2010

I'm currently nearing the end of Disc 7 in the eight-disc THE MOTHERS-IN-LAW Complete Series collection. For those who are unfamiliar with the show, the series was a two-season wonder from producer Desi Arnaz that ran on NBC Sunday night between megahits WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY and BONANZA from 1967 through 1969.

THE MOTHERS-IN-LAW was a big, brassy sitcom built around sweet, lovable wisecracking actress Eve Arden and loud, abrasive musical-comedy performer Kaye Ballard. The two are cast as long-time neighbors: WASPy Eve Hubbard and ethnic Kaye Buell whose college student children (Eve's daughter Susie and Kaye's son Jerry) have decided to marry. The two moms are constantly competing with each other — and for attention of their lovelorn children. After the kids marry they move into the converted garage between the Hubbard and Buell houses, creating an additional reasons for friction between the Moms.

Eve and Kaye's henpecked husbands, the cantankerous lawyer Herb Hubbard (played by Herbert Rudley) and frugal TV writer Roger Buell (played by gay actor Roger C. Carmel in season one, replaced by gay actor Richard Deacon in season two), always get drawn into the ludicrous situations their wives create. The Lucy-like plots usually wind up with all four of the parents either covered in some kind of goop or performing a big musical number.

While some episodes border on unwatchable, there are several that stand out as great time capsules of the late 1960s when "the generation gap" seemed to be the trigger of so many comedic conflicts between television characters. One interesting episode features handsome game show panelist Scoey Mitchell as a lawyer who tries to rent the garage when Susie and Jerry plan on moving out. The girls are trying to be open minded about having an African-American tenant but wind up coming off as extremely prejudiced. It's an awkward situation and aside from a terrible watermelon joke, it's very well-played.

Jokes always seem to stem from situations involving Roger's cheapness, Kaye's Italian heritage, and Eve's penchant for redecorating. The Hubbards and Buells have a love-hate-love relationship and often end up arguing loudly about something ridiculous before each episode is over. Kaye and Eve can't help but interfere in almost every aspect of their kids' lives - a situation aggravated even further in season two when Susie gets pregnant.

Other recurring gags include Eve being referred to as "Mother Hubbard", the garage door in the kid's apartment opening to comedic effect, Kaye insisting that their grandchild will be a boy and Eve convinced it will be a girl (spoiler alert - Susie has twins!). All-in-all the show is quite entertaining. The live studio audience adds to the theatrical feeling and the performers always seem like they are giving it their all. A  special treat and curiosity on Disc 8 is the unsold Desi Arnaz pilot for THE CAROL CHANNING SHOW. 

Random Holiday Stuff

From 2009: Throughout the year whenever I come across some Christmas-themed images I file them away and hope that I remember to blog about them. Well this year I've been so busy that I almost forgot to share them with you, my loyal readers.

Lucy & Desi give the gift of lung cancer in special holiday-themed cigarette packaging from their friends at Philip Morris. Something wonderful happens when you give Philip Morris!

These ladies know what it's all about: getting gifts and sparkling like a living Christmas tree!

Don Holliday and Companion Books bring us the timeless Christmas classic, Holiday Gay featuring seasonal tales of half-naked Santas and dirty little elves engaging in a traditional holiday orgy. Ah, my people...

Gibson Cards has a wonderful thought for everyone this holiday season - even Molly, who's clearly a bit on the simple side.

This was seen at a local Big Lots store - Santa's bending over to warm his big fat butt just in time for Mr. Snowman to deliver him a stocking stuffer of a carrot!

And finally, something a bit sentimental. An Advent calendar given to me by my late Aunt Vicky when I was a mere child. This glittery bible-quote card has been with me every year for the past 40 years or so. I will treasure it always as much as my memories of the sweet, warm and funny lady who gave it to me. Merry Christmas!

Where's Lucy?

In honor of Lucille Ball's 100th birthday, here's a repost. While many people love Lucy Ricardo and her "Ricky...I wanna be in the show" antics and some people prefer Lucy Carmichael and her ongoing battle with Mr. Mooney (Gale Gordon) - I was always drawn to Lucy Carter, the middle-aged widow stuck in a generation gap with her two mod teen-agers.
That's right, America. You can keep your I LOVE LUCYs, LUCY-DESI COMEDY HOURs (now syndicated as WE LOVE LUCY) and your LUCY SHOWs, I'm a HERE'S LUCY kinda guy. Yes, I know the first series is an absolute classic and the hour-long follow-up series is quite charming, but the Lucy I grew up with (I was 4 years old when HERE'S LUCY premiered on CBS) will always be my favorite.

From it's brilliant animated opening sequence to it's ridiculously asinine plots, there's always been something about this version that spoke to me. After the show left CBS in 1974 (when MAUDE took over it's timeslot - something I'm sure made Vera Charles very happy-that's a MAME reference), daytime reruns continued until 1977. Back in those days the 3 networks often reran prime-time comedies as part of their daytime line-ups, usually airing before game shows in the morning or after the soaps in the afternoon.

The show was essentially a continuation of THE LUCY SHOW which ran on CBS from 1962 til 1968. THE LUCY SHOW was #2 in the ratings, but Lucille Ball wanted to make some changes. Having recently sold Desllu, Miss Ball set up her own production company and tinkered with the show's format. Lucy Carmichael became Lucy Carter and now lived in Los Angeles and worked for her brother-in-law Harry at the Unique Employment Agency - thereby giving her many opportunities to interact with guest stars (either playing themselves or characters).

HERE'S LUCY was syndicated in the early 1980s, and in New York it aired back-to-back with the MARY TYLER MOORE show on NBC affiliate WNBC, channel 4 in the 4-5PM slot. Reruns were later relegated to the wee hours of the morning. Often airing at 3 or 4 AM.. After this run, I thought I'd never see the show again.

In 2004, Shout! Factory released a 24-episode "best of" set which featured episodes from the series entire run as well as many fun and informative extras. It was great to see Lucy Carter, her kids Kim (Lucie Arnaz) and Craig (Desi Arnaz Jr.) again along with their cantankerous Uncle Harry (again, the usually over-the-top Gale Gordon) and the cavalcade of guest stars that parade through Lucy Carter's living room. This collection kept me wanting more, but it seemed like Shout! Factory didn't plan on following up with any further releases, so I had to suffice with my memories of the rest of the series' episodes.

Later MPI gained the rights to the series and began putting the show out in season sets.

With guest stars including Jack Benny, Jackie Gleason, Shelley Winters (in a story about her weight!), Eva Gabor, Wayne Newton, Vivian Vance, Wally Cox, Carol Burnett, Van Johnson and Cesar Romero - the show is a star-studded exercise in stunt-casting. The outrageous plotlines, corny pop culture references and silly sight gags add up to a noisy, but lovable treat.

In many ways, HERE'S LUCY was a bridge between the innocent sitcoms of the 50s and 60s and the youth-oriented shows of the early 70s. Having her talented teens on board for the series gave the show plenty of reasons to invoke references to pop music of the day and other youth-oriented fads and trends. In the first 20 episodes, there have been at least three references to spies and/or secret agents.

You have to hand it to Lucy. She found a way to keep her show fresh, but yet familiar enough to not scare away her loyal fans who still tuned in for her hilarious hijinks and predictable pratfalls. Ms. Ball was 57 when the series began and was supposedly playing a character in her 40s. There's even a joke in one episode referring to the actress in YOURS, MINE & OURS (played by Lucy) being too young to cast opposite Henry Fonda. Yes, Lucy was a bit long-in-the-tooth to be doing some of the same schtick she had been doing almost 20 years earlier, but the gal had spunk. Though the character Lucy Carter can sometimes be exasperating and shrill, the show is somehow comforting. I'm not sure if it's the garish mustard furniture in Lucy's home or the well-place antique props in Uncle Harry's office, but the detail to production design was something that I remembered noticing even as a child.

Episode #18, filmed entirely on location at Los Angeles Airport, is a standout because it looks like a short film rather than a typical sitcom episode. Now if someone would only put LIFE WITH LUCY out on DVD! For more Lucy fun, check out STONE PILLOW.

Liz Taylor 1932-2011

Let's celebrate the life of the great Liz Taylor by representing a post from four years ago when this blog was called MOVIES THAT MAKE YOU SAY 'HUH?' and I inducted Ms. Taylor into the first "Huh? Hall of Fame".
Well, you just gotta love Liz Taylor. She was a friggin' legend - living a glamourous public life and starring in some of cinema's greatest films like GIANT, CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF, WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF?– not to mention cherished classics like LASSIE COME HOME, NATIONAL VELVET and FATHER OF THE BRIDE. Outside of film, Dame Elizabeth's devotion to ending the AIDS epidemic is truly inspiring and she really is a INTERnational treasure.

Then there's the other Ms. Taylor, the Liz that mades me say "Huh?". This is the Liz Taylor that was friends with Michael Jackson, (Editor's note: this post originally ran in 2007) markets crappy perfume...and the one that married Larry Fortensky. This is the Liz that starred (or appeared in) some of the worst films ever made. The Liz that played Pearl Slaghoople in THE FLINTSTONES movie. A casting choice so bizarre and inept, that many years later and it still makes me say "Huh?" I mean look at the evidence: I rest my case.

But the craziness did not start in Bedrock in 1994. Let's turn the clocks back a bit to 1960 and BUTTERFIELD 8. Liz actually won an Oscar for this film in which she plays a slutty, drunken "fashion model" (aka prostitute) who falls in love an alcoholic son of a working class family who has married into money. Liz made the film to get out of her contract with MGM, so she could jump over to 20th-Century Fox to star in the epic CLEOPATRA (more on this one later). Taylor's conditions for agreeing to make BUTTERFIELD 8 included shooting the film in New York, having control over costumes, hair and giving husband Eddie Fisher (freshly divorced from America's sweetheart Debbie Reynolds) a supporting role. She publicly campaigned against the film: "I hate the girl I play, " she told the press, "This is the most pornographic script I have ever read!" The public, titillated by Taylor and the provocative subject matter, made the film a hit. "I still say it stinks" recanted Liz. After finishing production on BUTTERFIELD 8, Taylor, and freed from MGM's clutches, shew flew to London to begin work on CLEOPATRA, the biggest budgeted film up till that time.

In 1963, Liz also became the highest paid movie star AND worked with future husband Richard Burton (who was cast as Mark Antony) for the first time. The press had a field day when Taylor and Burton began an torrid and scandalous affair during filming – both stars were married to other people at the time!!! The Vatican even accused her of "erotic vagrancy"!!! That's pretty damn cool The production itself was plagued by many problems, and director Joe Mankiewicz' original cut was six hours long. Fox demanded that two hours be cut, which they were, thankfully. When the film was released historians criticized it's inaccuracies, critics attacked the disjointed script and the over-the-top acting was laughed at universally, causing filmgoers to wonder how a film maker could get such great actors to act so badly.

After a string of better films in the mid-60s, Liz and Dick returned to Huh?-ville in 1968 with a little something we like to call BOOM! Freely adapted from Tennessee Williams' play "The Milk Train Doesn't Stop Here Anymore", BOOM! is the oddest, most pretentious "art film" ever made. It's almost indescribable. But if you EVER get the chance to see it - Run!!!

Liz spent much of the 1970s making mediocre films for theaters and TV, appearing on talks shows, Bob Hope specials and playing herself on HERE'S LUCY. In 1978, she showed up in - of all places - a musical! In A LITTLE NIGHT MUSIC, Liz delivers a poorly dubbed rendition of "Send in the Clowns". Isn't it rich?

In 1981, during the peak of the daytime soap opera fad, Liz showed up for a short stint on GENERAL HOSPITAL, playing Helena Cassadine. The character has lived on, though Liz has never revisited the role. After THE FLINTSTONES debacle, Liz participated in an ill-concieved ABC TV-movie aimed at gay men who missed THE GOLDEN GIRLS. Entitled THESE OLD BROADS, this "event" gathered together for the first (and LAST!) time: Liz Taylor, Debbie Reynolds (Liz's longtime nemesis) , Shirley MacLaine (who had played Debbie in POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE) and Joan Collins (who took over the role of Pearl Slaghoople in THE FLINTSTONES sequel). I can recall this being among the two of the most painful hours ever spent in front of the TV - rivaling the infamous MARY & RHODA reunion movie. To top it all off, poor Liz delivered all her scenes from a sickbed!!!

Well, in spite of it all - we still love her and were were proud to have Dame Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor as first inductee into the "Huh?" Hall of Fame! She was an angel and she will be missed.

The Jazz Singer

Here's a vintage post from January 2007.According to Alyn Shipton's A New History of Jazz, Jazz is "an American musical art form which originated at the beginning of the 20th century in African American communities in the Southern United States from a confluence of African and European music traditions. The style's West African pedigree is evident in its use of blue notes, improvisation, polyrhythms, syncopation, and the swung note."THE JAZZ SINGER is another story altogether. 

This 1980 remake of the Al Jolson classic (first mounted on stage in 1925 and filmed 1927) is actually the fourth film version of the story. Here, following in the footsteps of MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY's Danny Thomas...

and THE NUTTY PROFESSOR's Jerry Lewis...

...recording superstar Neil Diamond takes on the demanding role of synagogue cantor Yussel Rabinovich (aka Jess Robin) and proves that he is not a triple-threat, or even a double-threat - just a threat. 

Interesting side note: this film was directed by Richard Fleischer, also known for Disney's 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA and the cult classic MANDINGO. Talk about range!

For 29 years, I've avoided this film, but something finally drew me to it - perhaps the spirit of multiculturalism that is in the air with tomorrow's inauguration or maybe a "bad movie" angel tapped me on the shoulder? Well, either way...bring on it, Neil!

The film opens with a patriotic diversity montage showing New Yorkers of every race, creed, color and stereotype while Neil's hit America, a rousing tribute to immigrants, blasts bombastically into our brains. After the anthem, we settle in on Neil, who is singing a Hebrew prayer in an Orthodox Jewish temple. His African American friend comes to see him - taking a seat in the back - his yarmulke (aka "beanie") keeps falling off because he has an Afro. This is comedy.

After the religious ceremony, Neil's friend rushes him outta the sacred place, and he tries to coax his Jewish lady friend to join them at a club. She refuses. Turns out it's an all black club and Neil is part of the entertainment! Yes - Neil makes his film debut in BLACKFACE! In an obvious homage to the Jolson original, Neil is part of a soul quartet, only he's wearing really bad makeup and wig that makes him look more like an unfortunate mix of Greg Brady, Eddie Munster and the Incredible Hulk.

It would be offensive, if it wasn't so damn ridiculous. So Neil and his band are performing in front of an all-black audience, but the gig is over when someone in the audience notices that his hands are caucasian! A fight breaks out and everyone gets arrested. Luckily Neil's Cantor papa, Laurence Olivier (!) comes to bail him out, and then follows with the question of the day "It's not tough enough being a Jew?". Papa is upset that Yussel is going by the name Jess-denying his heritage and birthright. I think.Next Neil goes to visit his Jewish girl, who, of course, is a Herbew teacher. It it turns out she's his wife - Rivka! We soon learn that his band has a gig in L.A., but Jess doesn't join them because of his responsibilites at the temple. After helping a teen prepare for his Bar Mitzvah, Neil sings Love on the Rocks...and then he gets a call from his black friend (Bubba, played by comedian Franklyn Ajaye) telling him that a powerful producer wants to record that very song - the next day! He tells Rivka that he's gotta go to L.A. cause he's gonna have a hit song. Talk about jumping the gun! What's Papa gonna say? Before Jess can tell Papa, about his L.A.trip, Papa satrts lamenting to Jess about a bad dream that he had in Jess leaves him and doesn't come back. Let the guilt begin! Then Jess tells him about L.A. trip and Papa has a crying tantrum- but Jess quickly cheers him up by singing Hava Nagila - the classic Hebrew folk song (translation: "Let us rejoice").

So then he's off to big, bad Los Angeles to meet producer Keith Lennox! Jess is greeted at the airport by none other than Lucie Arnaz-

the daughter of showbiz legends Lucy and Desi, who looks like neither! As soon as they meet, the requisite palm tree and earthquake jokes begin. Once at the recording session - we discover that British madman Lennox has turned Jess's beautiful ballad, Love on the Rocks into a hard-edged new wave tune. In response, Neil sings the crap of of the tune in his inimitable style. Lennox reacts by telling Jess to "piss off..." and to take the four clowns with him. Lucie (Molly) tells Lennox thats the way the song should be sung - and she gets fired too! To celebrate their unemployment, the fivesome have party where Jess sings a song about Robert E. Lee. He asks Molly if she has any Charlie Parker records (finally somebody mentions JAZZ!) She replies "are you kidding? "Bird" is my middle name!" So, Molly Bird decides to take Jess under her wing and champion his talent (based on his one song). He tells her he's next in line to be the Cantor, and he eventually tells her he's married, so he can't live in sin with her. Molly has a plan - first she carjacks a booking agent, forcing him to listen to a tape of Jess's song. After this, Jess sings part of a new song, Hello, Again to Molly - proving he has more than one song in his bag. They almost kiss - but they don't. Molly tells him to finish writing the song, for her. She tries to seduce him, by offering him her body, but he refuses - he'd rather have pizza.

What would mama Lucy do? Probably cry "Wahaaaaaaaaa!"

So Jess books a gig opening for popular stand up comic Zany Gray - but his wife Rivka gives him a guilt trip over the phone. He starts his set by playing an harmonica and gets heckled by an audience member who calls him a "turkey". Harsh. Jess then breaks into a lounge-y ditty called Summer Love - suddenly his wife Rivka shows up! Like, she just jumped on a plane and knew exactly where to find him! She introduces herself to Molly backstage and asks her if they've slept together. Molly says he ate pizza, but didn't touch her. Rivka's pleased.By the second song, the auidience is in his hands - he gets a standing ovation. For just two songs? Highly unlikely. After the show, Rivvy (what he calls her) tells him she wants him to come home to NY to her and Papa - and they have the most polite argument ever filmed. She leaves, he stays.  The next day Molly introduces Jess to her hairy friend named Tommy who she's planning on sailing to Mexico with. Jess gets jealous - leading to a calypso-themed montage of them falling in love. Through the montage, we learn that Lucie is just like her zany redhead mother  after all - because she cooks him a ham! Oh Lucie!!!! They also attend a recording session, ride a bicycle built for two...and then she puts a schmata on her head and holy lights candles just like Lucy in MAME during Open a New Window! They kiss. Then they do it. And just when things seem to be going good for Jess, Papa shows up in L.A.- at Molly's house- to give Jess a guilt trip! Oy vey!  Jess introduces Papa to Molly - and he immediately starts crying! Again with the waterworks? "No, No!!!!!!!" he excalims and then he begins tearing at his clothing as the music swells. Apparently when a Jew tears at their clothes - they are in mourning. Who knew? Then Jess records a song called When Does Jerusalem Close? More like - When Does This Movie End????

All this family drama causes Jess to become super cranky, and to make things worse we learn that Molly is pregnant! But before she can tell Jess, he takes off on a road trip – driving out into the desert until his car breaks down. Then he hops on a bus to Laredo, Texas - missing his big chance to be on Zany Gray's big TV special. Oh well. Over the course of time Jess grows a beard, hitchhikes, smokes and wings up in a bar. A bartender (who I think is Charles Durning) asks him to sing You Are My Sunshine and the next thing you know he's on stage performing with a Honky Tonk Band. Still not jazz. Of course, Bubba miraculously tracks him down–without the help of Twitter. He tells Jess that Molly had his kid and named him after Charlie Parker. Jess then goes back to LA to see Molly and meet his bastard son. Wonder if the kid is circumcised? Hello Again soars.

Molly gladly welcomes him back. Turns out  while he was traveling the biways of America - his album went gold! Luckily Zany Gray's having another TV special likethat very day. Here's his second big chance. Only Papa has high blood pressure and can't sing at the temple...on Yom Kippur!!! So he sends a Jew-a-gram all the way from NY to L.A. to convince Jess to sing at the temple, therefore missing another opportunity to perform his music on TV. Can't a guy get a break???

So, he decides to honor his father and returns to New York - then after 20 minutes of Hebrew songs-he tells Papa that they have to talk. I begin to wonder where Rivka is. So, on the day of atonement, all is forgiven and Jess performs America to standing ovation - including Papa and Molly. The End. I just wanna know two things: where's the promised jazz and...where the hell is Rivka?