VOTE as if your life depends on it.

Okay, readers. I woke up today to find that my NO ON 8 lawn sign had been stolen overnight. For those of you who do not live in the state of California, Proposition 8 is

a ballot measure that would overturn state law and make same-sex marriage (which is now LEGAL in California) illegal. This proposition has been heavily funded by the Mormon Church (which doesn't even have a strong presence in the state) and the Catholic "charity" group Knights of Columbus. These two "Christian" groups and other contributors have spent way over $50 million dollars that could have been spent helping poor, hungry or sick people (you know, the kind of people Jesus cared about) - to take away MY RIGHTS as an American. And now, they have taken away MY freedom of speech by absconding my lawn sign. The lies and misinformation the YES ON 8 campaign has been spreading makes me sick. Claiming that churches will lose their tax-free status (which I think they SHOULD) and that the poor little children will be taught about gay marriage in public school (no - they'll learn about it from their own bigoted parents) - are all lies. So - if you live in California and haven't voted yet, please VOTE NO ON 8 - vote against discrimination, vote for equality, vote against the religious right and vote for fairness. Why should MY marriage make your marriage any less valid - and to think Mormons are critical of anyone else's marital rights!!! Don't get me started.

...and VOTE OBAMA!!!

PS...ignore the  YES ON 8 "public service" Ad that Google placed below - I'm trying to have it removed!

Tragic Halloween Costumes (part 2)

To complete the unholy Osmond trinity, here were have the frightening duo of Donny and Jimmy Osmond...Donny (pictured above) also looks a bit like Kaye Ballard...or perhaps even JoAnne Worley! There is something extremely unsettling about this mask - especially grouped with Marie and little Jimmy (pictured below).Jimmy, in the non-Halloween world, was always the creepiest and least talented of the Osmonds - and his Halloween mask has a certain sadness about it. The mask looks like it's saying "I know I'm not as pretty as Marie or as non-threateningly cute as Donny, but please try to look into your heart and try not to hate me - my parents forced me into this. I wish I wasn't born an Osmond, there's just too much pressure. Help." 

For an totally outrageous and angry review of Donny & Marie's 1978 Christmas special by my friend Danny (aka Frieda Laye), go here. Be forwarded that Danny (not DOUG...or Donny) refers to Marie by the word Jane Fonda let slip out on the TODAY SHOW. Also, Jimmy sings a song titled (no lie) "What if Jesus Came". You've been warned.

Tragic Halloween Costumes (part 1)

Ben Cooper costumes were always the highlight of the season for me. Even as a kid I knew that some of the costumes were pretty lame. For example, take a gander at this Kaye Ballard costume. Kaye, co-star of TV's lost treasure THE MOTHERS-IN-LAW has never looked better with her reverse flip hairdo and big bright smile...Oh wait a minute, why is Kaye Ballard wearing a plastic smock that says "Marie Osmond" and holding a box that pictures Donny, Marie and the dreaded Jimmy Osmond? Oh - because it's NOT a Kaye Ballard costume - it's Marie Osmond!!!

Or is it? You decide...

Spooky.

THE DONNY & MARIE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

For our next Holiday-themed review - our very angry friend Danny brings us back to 1978 - when DONNY & MARIE were all the rage. Donny was all over magazine covers and Marie was on TV constantly. 29 years later - and some things haven't changed. WARNING: The opinions expressed in the following review are all DANNY'S...not DOUG'S, so any nasty emails I get will be forwarded directly to DANNY. It was really scary watching this crappy old TV special. (Editor's note: Actually it was really just an episode of their weekly ABC series). First of all, my friends and I got into the holiday spirit by trying to figure out which Osmond boy was deaf or possibly retarded.  It was REALLY hard to tell.  Most of us settled on Tom Osmond because his tongue did look a little over-sized, but I thought, "Maybe he's just a bad lip syncher..."  (Editor's note: No, actually the bad lip-syncher was Marie.)
Another scary thing was Jimmy Osmond.  We couldn't decide which lesbian he looked like most, I thought he was quite Rosie O'Donnell-ish, while some others said he looked more like Chastity Bono, but someone else nominated him "the retarded one"... I might tend to agree after seeing this pic...yeah -he's retarded alright.
 
Jimmy had a memorable solo moment when he sang "What If Jesus Came" ..."on __ ____" was added by some anonymous member of our viewing party... okay it was me! (Editor's note: DANNY not DOUG). Jimmy just walked in the snow singing.  Boring!! Until, at the end, Jesus actually came!... on __ ____! (For those of you saying I'm gonna burn in hell... I'll grab you a cappaccino on the way down!)

Then there was the usual Osmond crap, like the "men" trashing the kitchen singing a horrible medley about knowin' how to cook grub.  The worst of it came when they announced,  "...the Osmond wives will sing!"   Someone needed to explain to them there's a difference between "WILL" and "CAN". 
My favorite part was at the end of the wives' song, they throw pillows at their husbands. Well, some of the husbands have their small children in their lap and one of them wives beans the kids pretty good, possibly causing more brain damage in the Osmond clan.  I'm pretty sure we saw tears. By the end of the show we all agreed, Marie was a total c*nt. (Editor's note: Not sure what provoked this, but remember I told you that Danny was very angry!)

Well, Merry Christmas from Provo, Utah - home of retarded Osmonds, boy-child lesbians, kitchen-trashing menfolk and marginally talented wives. If I've offended anyone, I've done my job.

Editor's final note: Donny and Marie as Luke and Leia - awesome!