The Song That Dare Not Speak Its Name

I dedicate this re-post to my friend Tom who continually taunts me with this goddam piece of shit song.

Have you ever hated a song? I mean REALLY hated one particular song?

There have been, in my lifetime, a lot of songs that I didn't like, say The Macarena or Toni Basil's Mickey, for example, but I more or less was able to avoid those because they usually went away after a short while.There is currently a "song" which I find to be the most irritating earworm that I've ever heard. This wretched recording, which was released exactly one year ago today, is a huge pop hit and despite the fact that I don't listen to commercial radio, don't watch MTV and never go to danceclubs - I somehow manage to hear it at least once a day.
The shitty song in question was in heavy rotation at my gym for months, playing twice, and sometimes three fucking times during a typical 90 minute workout. Luckily, now I only hear it every other day. Or maybe I'm just not working out as often as I used to? On Facebook, so-called friends are constantly posting YouTube clips featuring the song, or updating their status with a lyric from this dreadful ditty. This begs me to ask "Who the fuck are these people and what have they done to my friends?"The 'performer' of this musical atrocity is someone who I never really cared for in films and I do not know any other song that this one-named person sings. If their other songs are anything like this thing, please keep 'em far away from me. To make things worse, this musical turd has won awards from once-reputable magazines, proving how sad the state of music is today.

Recently, several trendy new TV shows have used this atrocious tune in episodes and even before that one older, once funny sketch show had done a painful parody of the "groundbreaking" music video that came attached to this malignant melody. I think a certain someone is rolling over in his jazzy grave.

These shows have all been promptly removed from my dvr. That's how much I hate it. I haven't hated anything this much since Sarah Palin, well maybe Glenn Beck.
What puzzles me is that people who I know and like actually find the song amusing, fun and cute (?) - when to me it's like listening to a thousand pieces of chalk being dragged across the world's largest blackboard. To top it all off, the "message" of the song is offensive as well - I only wish this was still the days of women's lib where Helen Reddy fans would take to the streets protesting this sexist, mindless dreck!

Yes, I know it's only "pop music" and I should chill out and not get so worked up about it and stop being such a "hater". But you know what, if something that I don't like is forced upon me aurally, I have a right to complain! As a person who suffers from migraines, a song like this is a danger to my health.
So, I will do my best to avoid this vile and vomitous anthem–I've already managed to walk out of bars and stores in protest when I've heard it playing, and I've left at least one party prematurely and I will continue to do so in protest and in defense of good taste. I will go on hating it, hoping that the hate will spread and people will rise up an destroy every known recording of it in existence.

My biggest fear is now that this thing is part of the lexicon, I will never be able to escape it. It will be played at weddings, bat mitzvahs and probably at my funeral - and then I will rise from my grave and yell...

"Oh, Mickey, you're so fine You're so fine you blow my mind Hey, Mickey Hey, Mickey!!!"