Saturday, October 20, 2007

NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE aka STARGROVE


It's 1986. What do you get when you have Gene Simmons of KISS (looking like Lainie Kazan) as an sadistic hermaphrodite (wearing a costume later worn by Lynda Carter on one of her variety specials - according to my friend Peter)...pre-FULL HOUSE John Stamos as a college gymnist/newbie secret agent named Stargrove (with an annoying theme song about him)....ex-James Bond George Lazenby as Stamos' father...and ex-Prince protege Vanity (before becoming born-again) as Stamos' love interest?

You get NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE aka STARGROVE - it's 007 meets MAD MAX meets ROCKY HORROR - especially when Simmons performs a little number called "It Takes a Man Like Me to Be a Woman Like Me".

This mess of a movie from director Gil Bettman (also known for episodes of THE FALL GUY and KNIGHT RIDER) had so many "Huh?" moments - I couldn't keep track. Painful to watch and even more painful to listen to. With atrocious music and painfully dumb dialogue. I can only recommend this to true fans of 80s craptraculars along the lines of MEGAFORCE or METALSTORM.

Maybe I wasn't in the right frame of mind or maybe this is just not my taste. Despite all the "Huh?"s, I give it 4 out of 10 cause it made me want to chuck the VHS tape into my fireplace and watch THE APPLE instead.

1 comment:

Sue said...

OMG, where did you find this???
lol.