Saturday, October 20, 2007
It's 1986. What do you get when you have Gene Simmons of KISS (looking like Lainie Kazan) as an sadistic hermaphrodite (wearing a costume later worn by Lynda Carter on one of her variety specials - according to my friend Peter)...pre-FULL HOUSE John Stamos as a college gymnist/newbie secret agent named Stargrove (with an annoying theme song about him)....ex-James Bond George Lazenby as Stamos' father...and ex-Prince protege Vanity (before becoming born-again) as Stamos' love interest?
You get NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE aka STARGROVE - it's 007 meets MAD MAX meets ROCKY HORROR - especially when Simmons performs a little number called "It Takes a Man Like Me to Be a Woman Like Me".
This mess of a movie from director Gil Bettman (also known for episodes of THE FALL GUY and KNIGHT RIDER) had so many "Huh?" moments - I couldn't keep track. Painful to watch and even more painful to listen to. With atrocious music and painfully dumb dialogue. I can only recommend this to true fans of 80s craptraculars along the lines of MEGAFORCE or METALSTORM.
Maybe I wasn't in the right frame of mind or maybe this is just not my taste. Despite all the "Huh?"s, I give it 4 out of 10 cause it made me want to chuck the VHS tape into my fireplace and watch THE APPLE instead.