What has been heralded as one of the worst hours of television ever - THE PAUL LYNDE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL has got to be seen to be believed. This ABC special originally aired once in 1976, but after years of showing up a bootleg copies, it's finally available on DVD.The show has a loose "storyline", as legendary flamboyant HOLLYWOOD SQUARES celebrity Paul first thinks it's a Christmas special, then an Easter special, and then a Valentines Day special - until his elderly housekeeper (guest star Margaret Hamilton) sets him straight, so to speak. After a barrage of cornball jokes (some written by Bruce Vilanch), Paul breaks out in song: a decidedly Halloween take on "Kids" from "Bye, Bye Birdie". (Which Mr. Lynde introduced in the original Broadway show). Basically the song is a complaint about the younger generation, calling out everything that is wrong with them. My favorite line is "Too much Alice Cooper and not enough Alice Faye!" Like anyone in 1976 knew who Alice Faye was! During this number he gets attacked by trick or treaters dressed as devils - but two of the gang members are revealed to be his ABC pals Donny & Marie in a cheap cameo.After the song, Margaret convinces her bitchy and bitter boss Paul to take a drive with her to visit her sister, who lives at the mysterious Gloomsbury Manor. Sis turns out to be none other than the fabulous Witchie-Poo (Billie Hayes) from H.R. PUFNSTUF! Then, amazingly Margaret transforms herself into her WIZARD OF OZ character - the Wicked Witch of the West! Talk about crossovers! It turns out the witches want to enlist Paul to help them erase their negetive media image. 1970s little person superstar Billy Barty shows up as the butler–just in time for some insulting midget jokes, followed by an appearance by a delightfully youthful Betty White as Miss Halloween 1976 - who has won a date with Paul, but she was expecting PAUL NEWMAN! The witches then offer Paul 3 wishes...Wish #1 - Paul wishes to be a "rhinestone trucker", apparently so he can communicate with Tim Conway via CB radio-which was all the rage in '76. Tim arrives at a dinner where Pinky Tuscadero (Roz Kelly from HAPPY DAYS) is the waitress. Tim is about to marry Pinky, but Paul crashes through the wall with his big rig in time to stop the wedding and ask Pinky to marry him instead! Pinky challenges the guys to a contest to see who's more macho. Billy Barty plays the "short order cook"-and he's the most macho!!!Whaa-whaa. What does all this have to do with Halloween? Then there's an awful musical number with Paul, Pinky and Tim and some square-dancing disco dancers. After which the witches invite some of their musician friends to perform "chamber music" for Paul - and the quartet turns out to be none other than KISS - who perform "Detroit Rock City," while the camera rotates 360 degrees and viewers get queasy. Then the witches play Monopoly with Paul. Huh?Wish #2 -Paul wishes he was in the Sarah dessert - he's now a dashingly romantic sheik and Florence Henderson is his potentially lusty lover. Mrs. Brady was already used to faking romance with gay leading men-so she plays along just fine. He tells her he first fell for her after he saw her "milking a cobra"! Then he talks about the "ruby portrals of her lips" and he gives his rival Tim Conway a cock-a-too "cause a man gets lonely in the foreign legion." Bruce Vilanch was probably giggling backstage and loving that he got away with all this filthy innuendo. How can they top this? Wish #3 - Paul goes to a haunted discothèque - "the only play where a person can hustle without getting arrested". Then just when you think it can't get any worse, Florence appears sporting a Dorothy Hamill hairdo and a glittering black gown and sings a disco version of "That Old Black Magic".Then KISS comes back to sing the monster hit "Beth" and another song called "King of the Nighttime World." (I think it's supposed be about Larry King, but I'm not sure) It all comes to an end when Pinky returns to sing "Disco Lady" with Paul and the rest if the cast in an epic production number, while the guys from KISS look on in disbelief. Roll credits. This has to be the strangest, gayest, bitchiest, most surreal mess ever to air on primetime TV - but of course, I love it. Now if only someone would put out a DVD set of the one-season wonder THE PAUL LYNDE SHOW - then I'd really be happy. Imagine Paul as an upscale, wisecracking Archie Bunker-type dad who gets dumped in the swimming pool each and every week - doesn't that sound truly heavenly?
A classic post. This may be the 4th time I'm running it. What has been heralded as one of the worst hours of television ever - THE PAUL LYNDE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL has got to be seen to be believed. This ABC special originally aired once in 1976, but after years of showing up a bootleg copies, it's finally available on DVD.The show has a loose "storyline", as legendary flamboyant HOLLYWOOD SQUARES celebrity Paul first thinks it's a Christmas special, then an Easter special, and then a Valentines Day special - until his elderly housekeeper (guest star Margaret Hamilton) sets him straight, so to speak. After a barrage of cornball jokes (some written by Bruce Vilanch), Paul breaks out in song: a decidedly Halloween take on "Kids" from "Bye, Bye Birdie". (Which Mr. Lynde introduced in the original Broadway show). Basically the song is a complaint about the younger generation, calling out everything that is wrong with them. My favorite line is "Too much Alice Cooper and not enough Alice Faye!" Like anyone in 1976 knew who Alice Faye was! During this number he gets attacked by trick or treaters dressed as devils - but two of the gang members are revealed to be his ABC pals Donny & Marie in a cheap cameo.After the song, Margaret convinces her bitchy and bitter boss Paul to take a drive with her to visit her sister, who lives at the mysterious Gloomsbury Manor. Sis turns out to be none other than the fabulous Witchie-Poo (Billie Hayes) from H.R. PUFNSTUF! Then, amazingly Margaret transforms herself into her WIZARD OF OZ character - the Wicked Witch of the West! Talk about crossovers! It turns out the witches want to enlist Paul to help them erase their negative media image. 1970s little person superstar Billy Barty shows up as the butler–just in time for some insulting midget jokes, followed by an appearance by a delightfully youthful Betty White as Miss Halloween 1976 - who has won a date with Paul, but she was expecting PAUL NEWMAN! The witches then offer Paul 3 wishes...Wish #1 - Paul wishes to be a "rhinestone trucker", apparently so he can communicate with Tim Conway via CB radio-which was all the rage in '76. Tim arrives at a dinner where PinkyTuscadero (Roz Kelly from HAPPY DAYS) is the waitress. Tim is about to marry Pinky, but Paul crashes through the wall with his big rig in time to stop the wedding and ask Pinky to marry him instead! Pinky challenges the guys to a contest to see who's more macho. Billy Barty plays the "short order cook"-and he's the most macho!!!Whaa-whaa. What does all this have to do with Halloween? Then there's an awful musical number with Paul, Pinky and Tim and some square-dancing disco dancers. After which the witches invite some of their musician friends to perform "chamber music" for Paul - and the quartet turns out to be none other than KISS - who perform "Detroit Rock City," while the camera rotates 360 degrees and viewers get queasy. Then the witches play Monopoly with Paul. Huh?Wish #2 -Paul wishes he was in the Sarah dessert - he's now a dashingly romantic sheik and Florence Henderson is his potentially lusty lover. Mrs. Brady was already used to faking romance with gay leading men-so she plays along just fine. He tells her he first fell for her after he saw her "milking a cobra"! Then he talks about the "ruby portals of her lips" and he gives his rival Tim Conway a cock-a-too "cause a man gets lonely in the foreign legion." Bruce Vilanch was probably giggling backstage and loving that he got away with all this filthy innuendo. How can they top this? Wish #3 - Paul goes to a haunted discotheque - "the only play where a person can hustle without getting arrested". Then just when you think it can't get any worse, Florence appears sporting a Dorothy Hamill hairdo and a glittering black gown and sings a disco version of "That Old Black Magic".Then KISS comes back to sing the monster hit "Beth" and another song called "King of the Nighttime World." (I think it's supposed be about Larry King, but I'm not sure) It all comes to an end when Pinky returns to sing "Disco Lady" with Paul and the rest if the cast in an epic production number, while the guys from KISS look on in disbelief. Roll credits. This has to be the strangest, gayest, bitchiest, most surreal mess ever to air on primetime TV - but of course, I love it. Now if only someone would put out a DVD set of the one-season wonder THE PAUL LYNDE SHOW - then I'd really be happy. Imagine Paul as an upscale, wisecracking Archie Bunker-type dad who gets dumped in the swimming pool each and every week - doesn't that sound truly heavenly?
With the legalization of gay marriage in New York and Pride celebrations continuing this month all over the place - I thought it was time to share this odd little pamphlet that an old friend gave to me a few years ago.
What might a first seem to be pro-gay propaganda, this many-fonted curiosity is actually a anti-gay diatribe from the Word of Life Fellowship in Schroon Lake, NY. Published in 1973, this bible quote filled booklet states "Not only do you find the Gays being worked into the scripts of popular radio and television shows, they even have their own programs!" In 1973? What was this guy Jack Wyrtzen watching? THE ODD COUPLE? SESAME STREET? THE MERV GRIFFIN SHOW? Oh, thats right THE PAUL LYNDE SHOW aired on ABC back then.
He says that its not his intent to condemn homosexuality, though then he goes on for 13 pages about God creating Adam and Eve, not "another man" and that "in God's eye's this was sin" and "when man ignores God and flaunts what God calls evil, God sometimes takes violent action". He then states that tolerance should not be allowed. So Christ-like. Wyrtzen died in, 1996, after leading the giant freak Tiny Tim to Born Again Christianity. Jack left behind eight children and 55 grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I hope at least 10% of the Wyrtzens are big flaming homos like Paul Lynde. Thanks for liberating us, Jack.
THE MATCH GAME is a "definitive" TV classic. I remember many afternoons (when I had outgrown cartoons) sitting in front of of the "boob" tube watching adults like Nipsey Russell, Bart Braverman, Brett Somers, Fannie Flagg, Dick Gautier, Betty White, Patty Deutsch, Joyce Bulifant, Elaine Joyce, Marcia Wallace, Richard Dawson and Eva Gabor play the silliest, most naughty, childlike game on television. And you know what? I laughed my BLANK off then...and I still do today when I watch the timeless and endless reruns on GSN.
I also remember owning the not-as-cool-as-you-think home game. Those folks at Milton-Bradley really knew how to take a fun game show and turn into a BLANK-ing dull board game.
But did you ever wonder what it would be like it today's "stars" like Heidi Klum, Madonna, Chloe Sevigny and Tim Gunn appeared on the panel along with deceased showbiz greats like Paul Lynde, Charles Nelson Reilly, Shelley Winters and Herve Villachaize?
Well wonder no more! Also throw in fun 70s and 80s celebrities like Cher, Charo, Patty Duke, Ricardo Montalban, Lisa Welchel, Miss Piggy and Greg Evigan and there you have...the legendary L.A. sensation...THE MISMATCH GAME with your host Dennis Hensley!
See the parody/homage that has been making studio auidiences lose their BLANK for years - It's the filthiest, funniest, most un-PC game show ever and it's LIVE on stage this weekend! FRIDAY, AUGUST 8 - 8 PM • SATURDAY, AUGUST 9 - 8 PM • SUNDAY, AUGUST 10 - 7 PM
Where: The Renberg Theatre • 1125 N. McCadden Place, Hollywood, USA (One block east of Highland, just north of Santa Monica Blvd.) Tickets $15 • Call 323-860-7300 or buy tickets online!
SCHEDULED TO APPEAR: • FRIDAY, AUGUST 8 - 8 PM Jack Plotnick as Paul Lynde; Oscar Quintero as Charo; Tony Tripoli as Charles Nelson Reilly; Kate Flannery as Patty Duke; Felix Pire as Ricardo Montalban; Madeline Long as Shelley Winters • SATURDAY, AUGUST 9 - 8 PM Tom Lenk as Heidi Klum; Sam Pancake as Lisa Whelchel; Tony Tripoli as Charles Nelson Reilly; Nadya Ginsburg as Cher; Danny Casillas as Herve Villechaize; Madeline Long as Shelley Winters • SUNDAY, AUGUST 10 - 7 PM Drew Droege as Chloe Sevigny; Ted Biaselli as Miss Piggy; Tony Tripoli as Charles Nelson Reilly; Nadya Ginsburg as Madonna; Patrick Bristow as Tim Gunn; Madeline Long as Shelley Winters
Oh yeah - and audience members can be contestants...and win real prizes!
Casting director for THE PAUL LYNDE COMEDY HOUR: Hey, I've got a way to really "butch up" Paul's next special. How about we bring in that old guy from M*A*S*H, the broad from that Sal Mineo movie and the dame from the tampon commercials? ABC Executive: Great! Now we'll grab just about every demographic group imaginable. Terrific work fella, give yourself a raise!
Here's a treat that I originally posted back in spring 2008.
THE MANITOU (1978), based on the novel by Graham Masterton, is your basic 1970s medical drama with horror elements, sort of like MARCUS WELBY, M.D. meets THE NIGHT GALLERY. It 's also cinematic tour of the entire San Francisco Bay Area! It concerns a pretty, single cable car-riding city gal named Karen (played by Susan Strasberg, daughter of acting guru Lee) who discovers a strange unexplainable growth on her upper back. After 3 days, her doctors decide it's a quickly growing tumor and decide to operate.
Luckily Karen had a muumuu-wearing phoney fortune teller friend named Harry (played by Tony Curtis who was clearly channelling Paul Lynde because he's playing the gayest banger-of-Susan-Strasberg ever), who after several attempts at giving her a "good" tarot card-reading decides that this growth may be worrisome. Later, an elderly client of Harry's becomes possessed and begins to mumble in strange languages after he deals her the "death" card - and then the old woman levitates and floats down the hallway, killing herself by falling down a flight of stairs, taking the entire wooden railing with her, section by section. This is the best scene in the film.
Meanwhile, at the Sisters of Jerusalem Hospital, Dr. Hughes attempts to remove her growth - but the surgery is called short when something forces him to cut his own hand with a scalpel. When Harry goes to visit Dr. Hughes in his futuristic office (he has a NASA-sized computer...and a red "bat-phone"!), he discovers that her growth might actually be a fetus(!) growing on the back of her neck. How did it get there? I guess maybe all that oral sex she's been having could be to blame?
Harry then decides to seek help from another psychic, so he travels down to Fisherman's Wharf to meet Amelia Crusoe (played by the usually slutty Stella Stevens - apparently in some sort of Gypsy makeup, and bordering on blackface) and her fat, bearded husband. They invite a fat, VERY fat Ann Sothern over for a séance and things only get weirder, as chandeliers start to twirl and a creepy rubber head rises out of a the center of table - and it all ends with a bolt of lightning!
Back at the hospital, Karen`s tumor continues to grow at an alarming rate, causing Harry and company to trek even further North, over the Golden Gate bridge to Sausalito - where cantankerous Dr. Snow (Burgess Meredith, aka The Penguin) resides. Snow takes the crew into his dusty attic to show them his spiderweb collection. Here The Penguin tells Harry that he thinks Karen's problem is that she has a 400 year old Native American medicine man growing on her back - and he wants revenge!!! Better get Commishoner Gordon on that bat-phone, Dr. Hughes.
Next, Harry travels all the way to South Dakota - wearing what looks like bare-ass jeans - to find John Singing Rock (played by Barbara Eden's ex-husband Michael Ansara), one of the last remaining indian medicine men, who as it turns out, has the power to send the Indian Spirit back to where he came. But will the tumor man take over Karen completely before Rock can send him back to demon land?
So Harry and Rock head back to the Bay Area where Rock sizes up the situation. He unwraps his bag of tricks and decides to induce birth. Before you know it, Karen goes into labor, soon giving back birth to a naked brown-skinned dwarf with an Alanis Morrissette face and a buff gym body (played Felix Silla from BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY) named Misquamacas or Miss Kwamacas.
The demon dwarf manages to kill an intern and break the mystic protective circle around the bed that Rock has made, and scares everybody by turning into a ridiculous-looking double exposed lizard. Then he goes all Mister Freeze and manages to create a wicked Winter Wonderland inside the hospital - even freezing the recptionist/nurse solid. So solid, that her pretty little head just snaps off. Miss Kwamacas then brings the dead orderly back to life to use as a weapon - to battle his lookalike!
In a big finale that has to be seen to be believed -Karen's hospital room then is transported into space! Karen sits up in bed wearing a giant Dottie West wig, topless (you can practically hear her dad Lee turning over in his grave!) and blasting lightning bolts and shooting electricity from her fingertips. For like 8 minutes. While Harry and the Rock duck and cover from the blasts. Over and over again. For the aforementioned 8 minutes.
Somehow the combination of Dr. Hughes and the Rock decide that Miss Kwamacas can only be defeated by turning on every computer in the hospital at the same time - causing a power surge and freeing Karen from his grasp. And it works! But not before Dr. Hughes explodes. Yes, he explodes. Much like your brain if you try to figure out this plot - which it turns out is based, not only on a novel, but also on a true story. Huh???
From the same director of ABBY, William Girdler, who tragically died after completing this film. Imagine the great films he would have made!!! THE MANITOU gets a 7 outta 10 on the "Huh?" scale.
For a change of pace, here's an actual article I originally wrote in 2003 after appearing on NBC's short-lived revival of LET'S MAKE A DEAL. Unfortunately the series was cancelled before my episode aired (but at least my photo was used on NBC.com to promote the show). The article never saw the light or day, until now.Ever since I was a little kid I dreamed of being on a TV game show. Growing up in the 1970s in a suburb of New York City, you'd think there would be ample opportunities for me to become a contestant, but there weren't. Aside from the locally-produced BOWLING FOR DOLLARS and the occasional PBS educational "quiz" show, I think there only two or three game shows being taped in NYC.
I can recall a first grade school trip to the NBC Studios where I caught a glimpse of TO TELL THE TRUTH panelist Kitty Carlisle during the studio tour. I didn't even know who exactly she was or what she was famous for, all I knew is that it was love at first sight.My obsession with game shows has been a part of me ever since then. I remember looking for any excuse to stay home from school to watch my favorites. This was before the age of the vcr, before cable, before Tivo, when you HAD to watch TV shows when they aired. It never made sense to me as a kid why the best shows aired during school hours. Since my grammar school was only two blocks from my house, I got to go home for lunch everyday, so I was able to get a daily fix of Kitty and all her wonderful friends without having to take a sick day.Sure, like every kid, I loved cartoons, but I'm pretty sure I learned more from game shows than I would have from kids' shows. I remember making a list of every game show, it's host, production company and when it aired. I also recall drawing out what the sets of imaginary games shows that I invented might look like, dreaming about what celebrities I would get to appear as my panelists. Of course Kitty would be there, but could I possibly get Mitzi McCall, Betty White, Kaye Ballard and Joanne Worley? I remember being very sad when some of my favorites like HIGH ROLLERS, RHYME OR REASON or JACKPOT were cancelled without much notice or fanfare.I always thought with all those fabulous game shows, why didn't I ever know anybody who was a contestant? Not even any of my cousins who lived in California! It seems illogical that all these strangers were winning stuff, while people I knew didn't even get a chance to play.Over the years, as game shows changed, so did I. I actually grew to hate some of the newer shows, hosts, and celebrities. I longed for the simpler days of fun shows like CELEBRITY SWEEPSTAKES, TREASURE HUNT and LIARS CLUB, great emcees like Gene Rayburn and Geoff Edwards and stars like the great Paul Lynde, Charles Nelson Reilly and Brett Somers. These were my role models. Does anybody even remember THE LIARS CLUB besides me?
Flash forward to 2001, due to various reasons, John, my partner of nine years, and I move from San Francisco (where we lived for six) to LA. Working as a freelance art director, I found myself watching the Game Show Network quite often. Reruns of the classic shows like MATCH GAME, HOLLYWOOD SQUARES and WHAT'S MY LINE? bring me back, comfort me, remind me of a life before responsibilities, before I grew bitter about TV (and the rest of the world). If only they would show TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES!
Now living in Burbank, I know that we are not far from "where it all happens." I knew that eventually I would be a contestant on something. John, also a game show fan, got the chance to audition for the new HOLLYWOOD SQUARES, but didn't make the cut because he wasn't "perky" enough. He also took the JEOPARDY! test, but failed to answer enough questions correctly. He says it was pretty damn hard...maybe being a contestant isn't as easy as we always thought. Soon after John's rejection, a friend of ours appeared on JEOPARDY! and I can finally say I knew someone who was on a game show.A few months later we got tickets to our new favorite, THE WEAKEST LINK, but the grueling four-hour taping for the half-hour daytime edition left a bad taste in our mouths. The great Anne Robinson wasn't even the host, dammit!A few months later we both auditioned for a new game show. It's was the TV version of our favorite board game, TABOO. John & I totally kicked ass at the audition, but in our 30s, we were the oldest people there and the only people who weren't actors or models. That's something that I never thought about as a kid...that there were people who just keep trying out for game shows, when they aren't auditioning for soaps and sitcoms. Contestants are mostly actors!!! Who knew?Well anyway, we never made it on to TABOO, but the producers somehow saw my audition tape and called me in to interview for the all new LET'S MAKE A DEAL! This was chance, I thought, to not only be on a game show, but a classic one, where the only skill I needed was the ability to pick the right curtain! No problem! John was able to get a ticket and the day off from work...so were were going to lose our game show virginity together. LET'S MAKE A DEAL! The big day finally arrived in January. We were going to be on the first of five new episodes for prime time, so we were very excited. John & I arrived at the studio at 10:30AM and after several hours of interviews and "getting to know you" warm up exercises, we finally got in the studio around 4:30. We had made friends with a few other contestants, mostly older woman and some cute guys, all of whom didn't have a clue that John & I were a couple. Go figure. Luckily, we were both chosen to sit in the "trading floor" area of the audience, so we
knew we would get plenty of airtime. I was wearing a huge red Marge Simpson-type wig and an all-red outfit with a home-made shirt that proclaimed "Make Me a Red Hot Deal". John was wearing something he threw together in about five minutes: a big afro wig with a funky 70s polyester shirt. For some reason, they seated us on different ends of the audience. Was it homophobia...or part of the plan? Sadly Monty Hall was now retired, but the new host Billy Bush (W's cousin or nephew or something) was better than we though he'd be...especially when he picked ME to play for round 4 of the show!Yes, Billy offered me $500 in cash for my backpack, which I quickly traded, even though it was a fabulous Patricia Field red glitter backpack that I've had for almost 10 years. After the trade, Billy then offered me a deal to trade the $500 for curtain number 3. I looked over to John and he said "Trade it!!!"...so I did...and I won a Grandfather clock (valued at $3000). I was like "oh...that's pretty, um okay"...So I sat back down and thought to myself "what the hell am I gonna do with a Grandfather clock? Especially since I have to pay taxes on it! Maybe I'll get an opportunity to trade it in..." The old ladies sitting next to me were more excited than I was. They all loved the clock and thought that I would love it too. I think Billy (and the producers) could tell that I wasn't exactly thrilled about my prize...do they even try to match the prizes up with the contestants?So, round 5 and 6 come and go...then suddenly Billy is back in my face asking if I want to trade the Grandfather clock back for my backpack, which now contains a key to something. Right away I think "CAR!!!" or "ZONK!!". I turn to John and he says "Take the backpack!!!!". So I do, and the key turns out to be for a $10,000 jet ski! I act like if it's just what I always wanted!!! Billy asks me if I love it and I say, um - yes. But I don't...What the hell am I gonna do with a jet ski??? I live in the valley!!!Well, turns out...I was the BIG WINNER on the show, so Billy instantly asks me if I want to trade it in for a chance to be in THE BIG DEAL...worth $65,000!!!!I act a little hesitant...but of course, decide to go for it!!!! Now THIS is what I've been waiting my whole life for...to trade what I've already won for a chance to win even BIGGER!!! So, John comes down from the audience and joins me. We decide to pick door number three. We come back from commercial and Billy asks me "Is John your friend, buddy or roommate?" And I answer, "All that and much, much more..." and then he asks me first which door I want and suddenly I say "Number TWO!".
John looks at me puzzled..."Two?" My opponent, KC, who I thought was super HOT picks Door number 3. They reveal my prize first (meaning that I didn't win the BIG DEAL)...and low and behold it's a LEATHER sofa & loveseat. I smile with glee, all the while thinking "we're vegans...we don't believe in leather furniture!!!"...BUT there's also a stereo system AND last (but not least) a 50 INCH TV!!!!!!!! Grand total $11,000 –I freak out! Jump up and down, hug Billy, hug John, hug KC, hug Billy again...etc. Yes, I hugged a Bush.
KC wins a trip to Australia, scuba equipment, a lobster of the month and an eBay gift certificate. I'm glad I didn't win this...I couldn't imagine trying to get John, who doesn't fly, on a plane to Australia...and LIVE lobsters delivered to our house...we'd have to put in a pool to keep them all alive. The BIG DEAL (which nobody won) was a "Casablanca" theme...so it includes a Baby grand piano, a private-plane to Morocco and a $50,000 RED sports car (totally not me). I try to act disappointed that I didn't win the Big Deal, but I was really happy. I'm glad I picked #2...that TV is exactly what I wanted. So after 12 hours, we finally got out of the studio at 10:30 PM–a 12 hour orDEAL–and in the car on the way home I turned to John and asked "Did that REALLY happen? Did I just win on a game show?" John replied "You sure did, but what hell are WE gonna do with a leather sofa and loveseat?" EPILOGUE - When NBC cancelled the show, it took us over a year to get our prize - we ended up forfeiting the leather furniture - but we still have our 50 inch TV, and I was on a game show!
The show has a loose "storyline", as legendary flamboyant HOLLYWOOD SQUARES celebrity Paul first thinks it's a Christmas special, then an Easter special, and then a Valentines Day special - until his elderly housekeeper (guest star Margaret Hamilton) sets him straight, so to speak. After a barrage of cornball jokes (some written by Bruce Vilanch), Paul breaks out in song: a decidedly Halloween take on "Kids" from "Bye, Bye Birdie". (Which Mr. Lynde introduced in the original Broadway show). Basically the song is a complaint about the younger generation, calling out everything that is wrong with them. My favorite line is "Too much Alice Cooper and not enough Alice Faye!" Like anyone in 1976 knew who Alice Faye was! During this number he gets attacked by trick or treaters dressed as devils - but two of the gang members are revealed to be his ABC pals Donny & Marie in a cheap cameo.
After the song, Margaret convinces her bitchy and bitter boss Paul to take a drive with her to visit her sister, who lives at the mysterious Gloomsbury Manor. Sis turns out to be none other than the fabulous Witchie-Poo (Billie Hayes) from H.R. PUFNSTUF! Then, amazingly Margaret transforms herself into her WIZARD OF OZ character - the Wicked Witch of the West! Talk about crossovers! It turns out the witches want to enlist Paul to help them erase their negetive media image. 1970s little person superstar Billy Barty shows up as the butler–just in time for some insulting midget jokes, followed by an appearance by a delightfully youthful Betty White as Miss Halloween 1976 - who has won a date with Paul, but she was expecting PAUL NEWMAN! The witches then offer Paul 3 wishes...
Wish #1 - Paul wishes to be a "rhinestone trucker", apparently so he can communicate with Tim Conway via CB radio-which was all the rage in '76. Tim arrives at a dinner where Pinky Tuscadero (Roz Kelly from HAPPY DAYS) is the waitress. Tim is about to marry Pinky, but Paul crashes through the wall with his big rig in time to stop the wedding and ask Pinky to marry him instead! Pinky challenges the guys to a contest to see who's more macho. Billy Barty plays the "short order cook"-and he's the most macho!!!Whaa-whaa. What does all this have to do with Halloween? Then there's an awful musical number with Paul, Pinky and Tim and some square-dancing disco dancers. After which the witches invite some of their musician friends to perform "chamber music" for Paul - and the quartet turns out to be none other than KISS - who perform "Detroit Rock City," while the camera rotates 360 degrees and viewers get queasy. Then the witches play Monopoly with Paul. Huh?
Wish #2 -Paul wishes he was in the Sarah dessert - he's now a dashingly romantic sheik and Florence Henderson is his potentially lusty lover. Mrs. Brady was already used to faking romance with gay leading men-so she plays along just fine. He tells her he first fell for her after he saw her "milking a cobra"! Then he talks about the "ruby portrals of her lips" and he gives his rival Tim Conway a cock-a-too "cause a man gets lonely in the foreign legion." Bruce Vilanch was probably giggling backstage and loving that he got away with all this filthy innuendo. How can they top this? Wish #3 - Paul goes to a haunted discothèque - "the only play where a person can hustle without getting arrested". Then just when you think it can't get any worse, Florence appears sporting a Dorothy Hamill hairdo and a glittering black gown and sings a disco version of "That Old Black Magic".
Then KISS comes back to sing the monster hit "Beth" and another song called "King of the Nighttime World." (I think it's supposed be about Larry King, but I'm not sure) It all comes to an end when Pinky returns to sing "Disco Lady" with Paul and the rest if the cast in an epic production number, while the guys from KISS look on in disbelief. Roll credits.
This has to be the strangest, gayest, bitchiest, most surreal mess ever to air on primetime TV - but of course, I love it. Now if only someone would put out a DVD set of the one-season wonder THE PAUL LYNDE SHOW - then I'd really be happy. Imagine Paul as an upscale, wisecracking Archie Bunker-type dad who gets dumped in the swimming pool each and every week - doesn't that sound truly heavenly?
For a change of pace, here's an actual article I originally wrote in 2003 after appearing on 
Ever since I was a little kid I dreamed of being on a TV game show. Growing up in the 1970s in a suburb of New York City, you'd think there would be ample opportunities for me to become a contestant, but there weren't. Aside from the locally-produced BOWLING FOR DOLLARS and the occasional PBS educational "quiz" show, I think there only two or three game shows being taped in NYC.
I can recall a first grade school trip to the NBC Studios where I caught a glimpse of TO TELL THE TRUTH panelist Kitty 
My obsession with game shows has been a part of me ever since then. I remember looking for any excuse to stay home from school to watch my favorites. This was
Luckily, we were both chosen to sit in the "trading floor" area of the audience, so we 
