Sunday, August 31, 2008

Worst Movie Viewing Experience. Ever.

People suck. If you are like me and love movies, and enjoy watching good movies under comfortable circumstances, then I do recommend to NEVER attend a screening at LA's Hollywood Forever Cemetery. I've somehow managed to avoid these very popular screenings over the years, but friends have always told me how much fun it is to watch movies outdoors, under the stars with a bunch of other movie fans. Well, they didn't tell me that I was going to be surrounded by assholes the entire two hours. 
The film that finally got me to attend a graveyard screening was Nicholas Roeg's masterpiece DON'T LOOK NOW. I've been wanting to see this film forever - and I'm glad I finally did - only I wish it was in a entirely different place and time. What's my beef, you might ask with the audience at the cemetery? Oh, I don't know...where should I start?

1) People who think they're watching TV in their living - so they talk at normal voice levels about things that have nothing to do with the film they are supposed to be watching. Drunken dickheads.
2) People who feel the need to stand up and slowly navigate through the crowd blocking the screen, repeatedly. The same dozen or so people kept getting up and walking around. Morons.
3) Chain Smoking idiots. Almost everyone around me had either a cigarette–or even worse–a cigar lit at all times. Fucking gross. Don't choke, bastards.
4) The family of 8 that arrived HALFWAY THROUGH THE FILM and decided to plop down right next to us and talk and smoke. Did I mention they were all FAT!
5) People who laugh constantly at anything that happens onscreen - whether it's funny or not. Nothing in DON'T LOOK NOW was funny. Nothing.
6) People who just had take phone calls or text their asshole friends during the film.
"Carly, oh my god, you did what? Oh, it's okay, I'm only at the movies, I can talk..."
7) The idiot woman who came back from the porta-potty and stood right in front of me for like 2 minutes before I yelled at her to "sit the fuck down".
8) Did I mention we had to pay $10 each for this bullshit?Well, anyway DESPITE all this - I did absolutely love the film, even if my friends didn't as much. I loook forward to seeing it again one day in peace.


dave said...

not exactly the arclight, is it?

g.h. said...

WOW - you are Mr. Crankypants! :)

Danny in WeHo said...

I went for the first time for TOUCH OF EVIL... ME NO LIKEY!!!!
It was such an awful experience we left half way through the film. Maybe it'd be better for crappy movies that we'd laugh at, but this is no way to watch quality films.

Anonymous said...

I used to love going to the Cinespia screenings a few years back, but then I heard the crowds were getting obnoxious, so I stopped. Thanks for confirming my worst suspicions.

(And leave fat people alone! We can't all be whippety vegans!)

dark said...

Sorry you had such a crappy experience at the cemetary screening. I've always had fun there, especially with The Shining. But I know how frustrating it can be, especially with a classic like Don't Look Now. I heard the Phantasm screening was great!!!

doug said...

(And leave fat people alone! We can't all be whippety vegans!)

I guess I should have worded that better - I mentioned their "fatness" because they took up more viewing space while standing in front of us than a thin person would have. Multiply that by 8 or 10 and you have a solid wall of flesh. I suspect they were late because they opted to eat at Home Town Buffet rather than picnic in the graveyard. ;)