Saturday, August 16, 2008

You can lose your mind...


Patty Lane (Patty Duke) was a normal American teen living in Brooklyn Heights, New York, who loved typically American things like ice cream, sleepovers and safe-looking boys. In the first episode, of THE PATTY DUKE SHOW, Patty's trampy "identical cousin" Cathy Lane (also played by Duke) arrives in the USA from Scotland to live with Patty and her family. That's where the comedy lies. (The uncanny physical resemblance that Patty and Cathy Lane share is explained by their dads being identical twin brothers- right!).

Okay, so what are Patty and Cathy up to in this here book based on their hit TV show? Hmmm..."The Adventure of the Chinese Junk"...oh it must be about that time Cathy convinced Patty to buy some cheap imported heroin from the Chinese exchange student at Brooklyn Heights High School! You see, Fred Yao smuggled heroin on military transport flights from Hong Kong for eventual distribution on the East Coast. Heroin (diacetylmorphine) is a semi-synthetic opioid synthesized from morphine, a derivative of the opium poppy. As with other opiates, heroin is used mainly as a recreational drug. One of the most common methods of heroin use is via intravenous injection (typically known as "shooting up"). One would surmise, by it's title that this book chronicles Patty's early addition and harrowing downward spiral into homelessness, overdose and eventual withdrawal. While Patty is in rehab, Cathy poses as her, turning her life upside down–resulting in pregnancy via Patty's boyfriend, Richard Harrison. Meanwhile, Patty's father, Martin, managing editor of a the New York Chronicle, struggles to maintain his sanity while the lives of the two girls tumble out of control. It all ends up on a sunny note, as Fred Yao is deported, Patty is declared "clean" by the family doctor and Cathy's miscarriage (after tumbling down the Lane house staircase) puts things back in order! What an adventure!
"Meet Cathy who's scored most everywhere, from Afghanistan to Vietnam; But Patty's only seen the sights a girl can see from illegal fights - what a crazy pair! But they're cousins, identical cousins all the way; one pair of matching headlights, different as straight and gay. Where Cathy adores a dutch oven, a Donkey Punch, and a tuna melt; our Patty loves to shoot the smack, black tar makes her lose her shit - what D-N-A! But they're cousins, identical cousins and you'll find they cry alike, they speak alike, at times they even freak alike. You can lose your mind ... when cousins are two of a kind!"

6 comments:

todd said...

sick,but funny

HardyBoysFan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
HardyBoysFan said...

Hello Douglas,

Not sure if you know this, but "The Mystery of the Chinese Junk" is also a Hardy Boys book in which Frank and Joe Hardy buy a boat and find a treasure map on it. Only a group of smugglers led by "The Chameleon" is after the same map & treasure!

I don't think the smugglers are exporting heroin from China, though. LOL!

- Hardy Boys Fan

pattycake said...

You're sick! LOVE IT!

doug said...

wow - I must find the Hardy Boys book - wonder which came first?

Tom Degan's Daily Rant said...

This is kind of strange....

I always thought that Patty was boring - the type of girl I wouldn't give a second look at. Cathy, on the other hand, I thought was really hot!

I guess that might be a testament to the gal's abilities as an actress.

http://www.tomdegan.blogspot.com

Tom Degan