Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A Coal in My Stocking

Yesterday, for the first time since I started blogging (in Sept. 2007), I received hate mail.
The email was in response to a review of the bizarre Italian Christmas film, THE CHRISTMAS THAT ALMOST WASN'T - which my good friend Danny reviewed (more like dissected) on November 26th of last year.
Rather than ignore it, I have decided to address it here. In the spirit of the season, I will substitute some of the more colorful words with seasonal favorites. Notes will follow...Mr. Anonymous writes... "Let's see if I can be as crude and mean spirited in my acessment of YOUR REVIEW of this movie Mr.Dougy...why don't you take this DVD and rub it up against YOUR reindeer you imbecile. You dumb, hateful SNOWMAN SHMUCK--go sing Christmas Carols to your porn and leave decent wholesome films to people with a SOUL--SCROOGE!"Okay, first of all - if Mr. Anonymous would have bothered to actually read the "review" he (or she) might have known it wasn't written by me. My pal Danny has a wildly offbeat sense of humor and his interpretation of events in the film are the way he sees it. It's called comedy.Second of all - rub a dvd against my reindeer? That's just sick.Third of all - "my porn" that he is probably referring to is the feature film SOCKET which I co-produced and art directed. Which by the way, has it's television debut on Logo in January. It is not porn, it is science fiction. FYI -Netflix does not rent porn. Who's the Snowman now? Besides I'd rather sing Christmas Carols to DudeTube.Fourth of all - THE CHRISTMAS THAT ALMOST WASN'T is not a decent, wholesome film - it's a disturbing, unsettling and just plain creepy oddity that makes my skin crawl.
Fifth of all - I have no Soul? Okay, you got me there. I can't dance or sing to save my life.
So, Happy Holidays, Mr. Anonymous - I hope you don't get any coal in your stocking. Hugs & Kisses, Mr. A. - from the dumb and hateful imbecile called Mr. Dougy!


jack said...

this is funny, good responses Mr. Dougy.
Anonymous sounds like a tool.

Madeline said...

What a wad that guy is - so now I am more confused than ever.

Which is more disturbing now - the film or the douche complaining about the film review by your friend even though Mr. Anonymous obviously never read nor has seen the creepy film.

My head hurts. Please pass the Head-On tube.

Danny in WeHo said...

Yes, it is me, Danny, the guy who wrote that rude & crude review of that piece of reindeer turd that has the nerve to exist called THE CHRISTMAS THAT ALMOST WASN'T. Let me say that this is not the first HATE MAIL I've recieved. I DO have a mother. (alright it's Doug's hate mail, but it was my review).

I read the entire un-Holidayized version of the hate mail and I have one question. Rossano Brazzi, is that you? Yeah, you have soul, but you don't have balls. I say I wrote the review, why don't you say you wrote the hate mail? (I guess that's two questions, but it's really one idea...)

Anyway, I stand by my review of Rossano Brazzi's crap movie. IT'S AWFUL!! ...and those elves are enough to send Rob Zombie screaming into the distance. Yes, I'm rude and crude and mean-spirited toward this movie but that's because it sucks and that's what it brings out. ...and I DO J.O. to my porn ( I don't even know what that has to do with anything...) Finally, I read the note and you, sir, are not deserving of "decent wholesome films to people with a SOUL". Honestly you write that note and expect anyone to believe you're decent, wholesome and soulful? You must be a Republican politician.

Thank you for your letter,

P.S. regarding the last word in your last sentence, when you add the letter "O" to another "O" or more, it makes an "oooo" sound as in "lube" not a tight sound as in "OH! OH! OH! Oh, GOD YES!!! KEEP YOUR FINGER THERE!"
...just sayin'.

sherri said...

love your response to the hater

DannyFan said...

Who would have the time and passion to spew such hate over a dumb old movie? And then not even sign their name??? I can only imagine what REINDEER, SNOWMAN and CHRISTMAS CAROLS are substitutes for. Go Danny!!! Go Dougy!!! Fight the Hate

Madeline said...

Doug and Danny - well you did it - I finally have Christmas Spirit!

Writer said...

Love the response! Awesome. I've gotten one hate mail response on my site, but my own response was nowhere near as enjoyable to read.

As for rubbing things on your reindeer...can I watch?


laura linger said...

Mr. Dougy, you popped your blogging hate mail cherry!

The envelope with "Hate Mail To Doug" in Yuletide lettering made me snort what was meant to be a swallow of hot coffee right up my nose. Then I choked with laughter for about ten minutes. Or maybe those were convulsions. Not quite clear on that.

The truth is, there are people who do not have anything better to do but try to make others miserable...and the "anonymous" feature makes it so easy for them! I received so many wonderful letters of support via my blog when my brother was killed. Unfortunately I also received quite a bit of hate mail about it, too.

Sick people, and not the fun "let's take a bunch of random prescription medications and count the rainbows and trolls together" sick that we are.

Colleen said...

Welcome to the world of Internet hate, where people write things they would never say in person, usually under the cowardly anonymous guise, and very often, as in this case, containing grammatical and spelling errors. ("acessment")

I've gotten many personal attack comments unfortunately, just got one such comment on my abandoned building blog today (?) and it just leaves you with that WTF? feeling, so it was rewarding to see your response here.

John, the hubby said...

Alright, it was me. Doug just pissed me off the other night.