THE MOTHERS-IN-LAW: The Loud & The Furious

From 2010

I'm currently nearing the end of Disc 7 in the eight-disc THE MOTHERS-IN-LAW Complete Series collection. For those who are unfamiliar with the show, the series was a two-season wonder from producer Desi Arnaz that ran on NBC Sunday night between megahits WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY and BONANZA from 1967 through 1969.

THE MOTHERS-IN-LAW was a big, brassy sitcom built around sweet, lovable wisecracking actress Eve Arden and loud, abrasive musical-comedy performer Kaye Ballard. The two are cast as long-time neighbors: WASPy Eve Hubbard and ethnic Kaye Buell whose college student children (Eve's daughter Susie and Kaye's son Jerry) have decided to marry. The two moms are constantly competing with each other — and for attention of their lovelorn children. After the kids marry they move into the converted garage between the Hubbard and Buell houses, creating an additional reasons for friction between the Moms.

Eve and Kaye's henpecked husbands, the cantankerous lawyer Herb Hubbard (played by Herbert Rudley) and frugal TV writer Roger Buell (played by gay actor Roger C. Carmel in season one, replaced by gay actor Richard Deacon in season two), always get drawn into the ludicrous situations their wives create. The Lucy-like plots usually wind up with all four of the parents either covered in some kind of goop or performing a big musical number.

While some episodes border on unwatchable, there are several that stand out as great time capsules of the late 1960s when "the generation gap" seemed to be the trigger of so many comedic conflicts between television characters. One interesting episode features handsome game show panelist Scoey Mitchell as a lawyer who tries to rent the garage when Susie and Jerry plan on moving out. The girls are trying to be open minded about having an African-American tenant but wind up coming off as extremely prejudiced. It's an awkward situation and aside from a terrible watermelon joke, it's very well-played.

Jokes always seem to stem from situations involving Roger's cheapness, Kaye's Italian heritage, and Eve's penchant for redecorating. The Hubbards and Buells have a love-hate-love relationship and often end up arguing loudly about something ridiculous before each episode is over. Kaye and Eve can't help but interfere in almost every aspect of their kids' lives - a situation aggravated even further in season two when Susie gets pregnant.

Other recurring gags include Eve being referred to as "Mother Hubbard", the garage door in the kid's apartment opening to comedic effect, Kaye insisting that their grandchild will be a boy and Eve convinced it will be a girl (spoiler alert - Susie has twins!). All-in-all the show is quite entertaining. The live studio audience adds to the theatrical feeling and the performers always seem like they are giving it their all. A  special treat and curiosity on Disc 8 is the unsold Desi Arnaz pilot for THE CAROL CHANNING SHOW. 

EASTER IS...

One of my many childhood obsessions was oddly enough Lutheran Television. Growing up Catholic, it seemed like our Protestant friends had better choices when it came to TV productions. They had the terrifically soapy THIS IS THE LIFE, we had SUNDAY MASS. They had the claymation duo of DAVEY & GOLIATH, we had SUNDAY MASS FOR SHUT-INS. They had EASTER IS... and we had EASTER SUNDAY MASS.

 EASTER IS...was an animated special about a boy and his dog from the early 1970s that was a sequel to CHRISTMAS IS... (which I also loved and will be covering in December). I recently found both these Lutheran TV classics unwrapped on VHS at a gay thrift shop in Palm Springs! It's an Easter miracle!

 Actress/singer/game show icon Leslie Uggams lent her talents to the production, a few years before her appearance in the disturbing exploitation film POOR PRETTY EDDIE, which also involved a dog.

 Our story focuses on Benjy, a young boy and his poor sense of what it means to be a good pet owner. His sheepdog Waldo wanders around the neighborhood without a leash, gets attacked by bees and is left sitting on the bus stop waiting for Benjy to come home from school. Probably doesn't get his shots either.

 At school, Easter season is in full swing - and everyone knows what that means : girls dressed as pink bunnies while boys point at them, colored eggs and baskets full of candy.

 Benjy's teacher (Leslie) tells the class that they are going to be competing against the other classes in an Easter decorating contest. Think of it as PROJECT: RUNWAY with lots of pastels.

 The teacher assigns Benjy the most important task of designing the poster for the classroom door. She doesn't want it to look like crap, so he's gotta really work hard on this. I mean real hard.

 As his hippie Jesus poster looks over him, Benjy begins to toil away night after night on his Easter poster, ignoring Waldo and becoming more and more obsessed with conveying the true meaning of Easter.

 The following day, Benjy scolds Waldo for being too co-dependant and the poor dog wanders off in a state of distress, only to be attacked by a magical (yes, I said magical) Siamese cat on loan from LADY & THE TRAMP.

 Waldo ends up spending the night on the streets, in a dump, and drinking polluted water.

 Meanwhile Benjy's ignorant parents think that all the boy needs to do is put food outside and Waldo will turn up.
They don't even offer to drive around and look for the dog. Out of sight, out of mind. I really want to smack these two smug assholes.

 Benjy prays to God to bring Waldo home. Maybe he should have thought about getting Waldo a leash and harness at some point and treated him better?

 But God doesn't listen - and Waldo ends up getting captured by a red-headed brat. It's always a red-head. Even Lex Luthor was ginger before he lost his hair.

 Red decides to hold Waldo hostage, thinking that his owner actually cared about him.

 Benjy is told that he needs to come up with FIVE DOLLARS in ransom otherwise he'll never see Waldo again. Great orange phone by the way.

 Rather than going to his stupid parents for help, Benjy decides to steal $3.05 out of the family piggy bank. Luckily his African-American friend is around to help him.

 Benjy and his friend confront the read-headed kidnapper, but its too late-Waldo was attacked by rats during the night and escaped Red's garage...leaving behind a trail of blood!!!

 Oh Hippie Jesus - what is Benjy going to do? What will become of poor neglected Waldo? Where did you get that awesome vest? PROJECT: RUNWAY, perhaps?

 Well, the next day Benjy's dumb-ass parents convince him to go to church for Easter - and Waldo just shows up. All dirty, but not bleeding. The two are happily reunited and all is forgiven. Did Benjy learn his lesson? Did he learn anything at all? I really don't think so.

 Benjy's stoned Sunday school teacher lets him bring Waldo into the classroom. "Like, that dog is so intense!"

 The creepy Sunday School students listen as Benjy and the teacher tell the miracle of Waldo's Christ-like return.

 The next day at Albrecht PUBLIC SCHOOL. (I typed it in all caps for a reason).

 Tim Gunn shows up to judge the Easter-decorating contest - and guess who's class wins?

Turns out that Benjy's Hippie Jesus collage is just what a PUBLIC SCHOOL wants hanging on a classroom door! I guess maybe Tim Gunn thought it was the Brawny Man or some other hunky dude and not Jesus. Well that's where Benhy's story ends...but actually I have a confession...

When this show aired in the 1970s, I loved it so much I mailed away for an EASTER IS...Hippie Jesus poster, which I proudly displayed on my closet door for years, until it was replaced by Lynda Carter. Amen!

Ken Norton (1943-2013), Star of MANDINGO

Upon hearing about the recent passing of Ken Norton, I now re-present my look at MANDINGO. I also highly recomemnd the book MONDO MANDINGO, which recounts the history of the original controversial novel as well as the sequels, spinoffs and film adaptations.

Here's a repost of my MANDINGO article from 2010 :

MANDINGO is one of the "forbidden films" that I've always heard about, but kinda sorta avoided because I knew it would be an unsetting experience. I recently bought a copy at Marshall's (of all the places) for $3.99 (you can't beat that price!) and decided it was time to face my fears and watch the damn thing. WARNING: This review contains full frontal nudity and junk fondling.

First some back story. MANDINGO (1975) was adapted from a 1957 novel by Kyle Onstott. It was Appalling! Terrifying! And Wonderful?

It was directed by Richard Fleischer (son of animation legend Max Fleisher), known for such mainstream hits as Disney's 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA (1954), FANTASTIC VOYAGE (1966), DOCTOR DOOLITTLE (1967) and SOYLENT GREEN (1973). He later directed the Neil Diamond version of THE JAZZ SINGER (1980). What a diverse career!

MANDINGO was produced by the recently-deceased Dino DeLaurentiis and released - remarkably - by Paramount Pictures! It was rated R.

The film stars English actors James Mason, Paul Benedict (Mr. Bentley from THE JEFFERSONS) and Susan George, up-and-comers Perry King, Brenda Sykes and professional boxer Ken Norton in his first acting role.

Set in the Antebellum period in the deep South on a plantation named Falconhurst. The manor that has seen much better days, here we meet slave-trader Warren Maxwell (Mason), his handsome young son Hammond (King) and an assortment of their friends and slaves.

This being Black History Month, I'm not sure this was a good viewing choice, because right off the bat, I don't think I've ever heard the "N word" uttered so many times by white actors. This makes me extremely uncomfortable, but I try to keep it within it's historical perspective.

Brutal scenes of whipping, torture and abuse of slaves is juxtaposed with the with the lifestyles of the white and

privledged. James Mason's character even uses a young slave boy as a footrest to draw out the rheumatism from his sore feet. It's painful to watch. Then, when a young slave woman "goes into heat", it's up to her "master" Hammond to take her virginity.

Perry King goes full frontal in this scene. Something you usually don't expect from a leading man in a historical drama from a major studio.

Well it was the 1970s after all, and the MPAA was a lot more liberal back then when it came to nudity. Reference 14-year old Jodie Foster topless in the PG-rated THE LITTLE GIRL WHO LIVES DOWN THE LANE. Today, the Parent's Council would declare it "child pornography". Back in the 70s, it was just a movie.

Getting back to MANDINGO...we now meet Ken Norton's character, Mede - he's a "Mandingo" slave who is being auctioned off to the highest bidder.

Mede gets his junk fondled by a perspective buyer. She's from Germany after all.

But Hammond is the winner of the auction, and Mede's new owner. Have I mentioned how HOT Ken Norton is?

Hammond sees Mede's purchase an an opportunity to turn the hunky slave into a champion fighter.

Back at Falconhurt, Hammond is now married to a woman named Blanche (Susan George), but he doesn't know what to do with a white woman in bed since he's only had sex with "wenches." He's disappointed to discover that she is not a virgin.

So then Hammond the gets HIS junked fondled by a whore in a surprisingly graphic fashion.

And then he winds up in bed with a sweet and sexy slave girl named Ellen (Brenda Sykes).

Insanely jealous Blanche is none to happy about this and gives Ellen a piece of her evil mind.

Additionally, Blanche concocts a plot to get back at her loveless husband by seducing Mede and telling Hammomd that he raped her.

Mede tries to resist out of loyalty for his master, but Blanche threatens to cry rape even if he doesn't bed her. What a bitch!

So he does it.

The big fight that Mede has been training for happens, and Hammond is pleased with the outcome, he purchases some jewelry to bring back home. But in the biggest Faux Pas south of the Mason-Dixon line, he gives earrings to Ellen.

 But he gives the matching necklace to his wife Blanche. Blanche is not pleased - but she is pregnant! And so is Ellen!

I'm not gonna give it away - but one baby lives and the other one...not so much.

As for Mede, let's just say there is not a happy ending to this sordid soap opera about lust between the races. 

In conclusion, I am glad I finally watched MANDINGO, though I felt real dirty doing so. I'm not sure why it even was made. It's like Dino DeLaurentiis said (in his Italian accent)  "Let's a take the GONE WITH THE WIND and the Blaxsploitation movies and a throw in a some of that soft-corn porn over there and let's a sell it to Paramount, okay?" 

If they were going for the story of how horrible human beings can be to each other, I guess they did a commendable good job. Perry King's character is supposed to be the "hero" of the story, but yet he says and does such ghastly things because, I assume, that's how white people acted towards people of color in those days. When I watch movies like this I always wonder what the actors were thinking. Not only people like James Mason, but all the actors who played the slaves. Did they just think of it as a paycheck or did they think they were participating in an accurate portrayal of American history as it really happened?

As a film, I'd give it a 6 outta 10 - mostly because of Susan George's over-the-top performance as Blanche. But as a slice of pop culture history I gotta admit it's pretty far out there. So, if you dare to sit through some pretty squeamish stuff to see Perry King get a reach-around through his knickers and James Mason as one of the most despicable characters ever captured on film, I say go for it. $3.99 at Marshalls.