Masterpiece Theater: 40 Years of TV's Best

Okay, I'll admit I was a weird kid. Sure I watched tons of cartoons, action shows, sitcoms, talk shows, soaps and game shows - but I also grew up on PBS.

Yes, Pubic Broadcasting - the evil government-funded entity that gave me not only kids shows like SESAME STREET, ZOOM and my favorite ELECTRIC COMPANY but "grown-up" stuff like MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS, FAWLTY TOWERS, ALIVE FROM OFF CENTER, GREAT PERFORMANCES and the beloved drama anthology called MASTERPIECE THEATER.

Yes, while other kids in my neighborhood were watching shows like STARSKY & HUTCH and THE DUKES OF HAZZARD I was glued to local Channel 13 watching great British productions like I, CLAUDIUS, ANNA KARENINA and of course the classic UPSTAIRS DOWNSTAIRS.

Not sure what drew me in as a kid, but I think I knew that British television was smarter and more interesting that what the networks had to offer. I guess it didn't hurt that sex and adult situations seemed more realistic and accessible in shows from the UK. These were the days before cable TV to those youngsters out there. So, now as MASTERPIECE (as it is known these days) celebrates it's 40th season with the return of UPSTAIRS DOWNSTAIRS, I raise a glass to the tradition of the finest television has to offer. Tune in tomorrow for more.

Foodsploitation: Rest of the Story

It's been a fun two weeks for me posting these vintage cookbook covers, recipes and ads from my family's collection - and I hope regular readers have been enjoying this change-of-pace from the usual celebrity death reports, comic book nostalgia, movie reviews and other pop culture stuff I usually blog about. I thought I'd go out with a bang today with a smorgasbord of items from the 1950s through the 1980s - in no particular order.

 First up, we have this awesome cover from Crisco's Easy-As-Pie Recipes. Gotta love that illustration.

 As well as this great graphic accompanying these helpful Pastry Hints.

Let's flash-forward to the 1970s when everything burger-centric had to have MAC in it's name. Presenting the DoubleMAC hamburger cooking device. All I remember about this is that every burger that we cooked on it tasted like some chemical shit and we stopped using it about about a month and went back to cooking burghers in a pan.

Here's the Crisco lady's friend from the early 60s - she's got a head full of meal ideas, but seems frustrated on how to plan the whole she-bang. Too bad she can't time travel to the 1980s to learn the secrets of successful microwaving!

Yes - an entire series of cookbooks dedicated to microwave cooking? What's to know? Just press the damn ON button. I currently do not own a microwave oven, because not only do I not like rubbery food,  I'm convinced that they are harmful to us and one day will be looked at the way we look at saccharin. Remember Sweet 'N Low?

 The Farm Journal Family Test Group (whatever happened to them?) apparently thought you needed to sprinkle chemicals on your fresh fruit to make it sweeter. It looks, acts and tastes like sugar. Bull shit.

But wow - you can save 8040 Calories if you buy it in the bulk Kitchen Economy Package. Given the seal of approval by Good Housekeeping, this is a fitting end to my Foodsploitation series. Thanks for reading!

Foodsploitation: Another Awesome Cookbook Cover

pudding.

Foodsploitation: Meat You Can Drink

Here is the cover of a cute, sweet Apple Tasting Recipe guide/pamphlet from Mott's Apple Sauce...

 On the back there is a coupon for the infamous drink called Clamato - Tomato Juice infused with clam juice.

Why anyone would want to drink clam juice is beyond me. But obviously people did. Enough people, in fact, that Mott's "improved" the tomato again with something call Beefamato.

That's right, Beefamato...the other red meat drink...for people who can't get their steaks rare enough, here's a glass of cow blood to have on the side. Not to be outdone, the folks over at Wyler's decided to introduce a hot broth drink and market it as a coffee substitute. Because who doesn't want a steaming cup of poultry flavor instead of tired old coffee and tea?

I guess this was a i970s trend that died with the decade. Or perhaps not, because I recall recently seeing a brand of beer that has a tomato, lime and clam juice "flavor". Stuff like this makes me proud to be vegan.

Foodsploitation Extra: Awesome Cookbook Covers

This pair of "cook booklets" have always been "suitable for framing" and maybe one day I will do just that - in the meantime I'd just like to share them with you.

Not sure what that floral-type shape is supposed to be - and I don't care. It just makes the design all the more special.

Obviously inspired by BEWITCHED, this witch isn't afraid to use her witchcraft in the kitchen, even if "sour cream" is her secret ingredient. Enjoy!

Foodsploitation: The Perfect French Fry

This is from a 1975 Rexall Drugs calendar. Because nothing says "pharmacy" like a french fry dressed up like a beauty pageant contestant.

Foodsploitation: Buffet Layered Salad

In the past week we've had Cold Cherry Soup, Patio Salad and Banana Salad - now we have the perfect salad for those of your who like to serve food in a vase. Buffet Layer salad! It's a salad! It's a centerpiece! It's a craft project. All it needs is candle in the center to make it complete!

Foodsploitation: Banana Salad Bazaar

Two foods that I never considered combining are Bananas and Salads - but apparently back in the 1950s the Banana Lobby tried to get American housewives to add bananas to the family dinner salad. In fact they had an entire cookbook called BANANA SALAD BAZAAR!

Banana Salads ARE filling; a proactive food.
Banana Salads SUPPLY vitamins A, B12, C and G (?); essential minerals and food energy.
Banana Salads OFFER attractive color combinations (it actually says that!!!)
Banana Salads AFFORD variety and flavor.
Looking at this photo it looks like Banana Salad also features iceberg lettuce, strawberries (with stems still attached), skinned orange slices, hunks of cheese, either small avocados or rotting cucumbers, really wet grapes and some weird white shit divided by thin apple slices. Banana Salad Bizarre.

Foodsploitation: The TV GUIDE Cook Booklet

Remember how those Kraft-sponsored TV specials of the 1970s used to tell us to check the "recipe section in this week's TV GUIDE magazine"? Well, who know there was an actual TV GUIDE Cook Booklet?

Now you know.

Foodsploitation: California Stopever

I guess this "trend" never caught on, because I've been living in California for 16 years now and I've never once saw a  "Patio Salad" on a menu - or any salad that featured any sort of rice. Looks more like "Leftovers" to me. April Fools?

Foodsploitation: Prune Whip

No comment needed.

Foodsploitation: Cold Cherry Soup

In these times, we often have to tighten our belts when it comes to culinary fare. Luckily the good folks at Farberware have gifted us with this elegantly printed "cookbook" called BUDGET SAVER RECIPES.

And here's a simple and CHEAP recipe that will probably not warm you up on a cold Spring evening. Cold Cherry Soup features a can of cherries, some corn starch, some sugar, cinnamon, lemon juice, s splash of booze and whipped cream. Soup! What the Farberware? I'm not sure what their definition of "soup" is - but this is clearly not soup by any stretch of the chef's imagination. It's goop at best. Wonder if a brave reader out there is willing to give this a try and tell us just how "good" it is.

Foodsploitation: Be Creative With Chili

I don't know about you but I always serve my Chili Sans Carne on a wrought iron display complete with a colorful faux flower arrangement! Now that's creative. Wondering what's on the back of this Chili recipe booklet from Ehler's Spices?

Why it's an ad for a "Special Offer" featuring three snazzy Early American Spice Racks (jars not included). These authentic racks were made by a fine old firm of of New England craftsmen! Wonder if they still make 'em? I feel sad for the family that only has the need for 8 jars of spices. Hey look, apparently Ehler's also made Coffee and Tea!

Foodsploitation: Tomato Aspic

"Our Rich Heritage" obviously includes foods that no one actually likes. Tomato Aspic is one of those foods. I don't think I've ever actually tasted it, or ever actually saw it on a dinner table - but the idea of tomato-flavored Jell-O just does not seem appetizing. Though adding slices of Spanish olives and 3/4 slices of cucumber sure makes it look purdy though.

Back in Burbank

Hi readers, sorry again for all the re-runs lately. Life has taken me out of town and away from my blog for the second time this year - but the good news is I came across some cool stuff that I'll be sharing with you guys (and gals). I'll start with this ad from the January 20, 1971 edition of The Staten Island Advance., my hometown paper. Someone in my family saved this newspaper page for the article on the other side, but I found this advertisement much more appealing.

Yes FIGURE-TONE SPA (est. 1959) actually promised ladies that they would lose one pound and/or one inch on their first free visit! I could see losing one pound - but one inch??? Holy shit! This place featured 100 different INGENIOUS pieces of rapid reducing equipment! Sputnik Spring Rollers! Bust Building Machines! SLENDERELLA TABLES!!!! All this plus much, much more including Belgian Pony Reducers? If I could only turn back time and visit Figure-Tone Spas (est. 1959) just to see all this for myself. 40 years later, the gym sounds dreadfully boring compared to the Figure-Tone Spas (est. 1959),

Liz Taylor 1932-2011

Let's celebrate the life of the great Liz Taylor by representing a post from four years ago when this blog was called MOVIES THAT MAKE YOU SAY 'HUH?' and I inducted Ms. Taylor into the first "Huh? Hall of Fame".
Well, you just gotta love Liz Taylor. She was a friggin' legend - living a glamourous public life and starring in some of cinema's greatest films like GIANT, CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF, WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF?– not to mention cherished classics like LASSIE COME HOME, NATIONAL VELVET and FATHER OF THE BRIDE. Outside of film, Dame Elizabeth's devotion to ending the AIDS epidemic is truly inspiring and she really is a INTERnational treasure.

Then there's the other Ms. Taylor, the Liz that mades me say "Huh?". This is the Liz Taylor that was friends with Michael Jackson, (Editor's note: this post originally ran in 2007) markets crappy perfume...and the one that married Larry Fortensky. This is the Liz that starred (or appeared in) some of the worst films ever made. The Liz that played Pearl Slaghoople in THE FLINTSTONES movie. A casting choice so bizarre and inept, that many years later and it still makes me say "Huh?" I mean look at the evidence: I rest my case.

But the craziness did not start in Bedrock in 1994. Let's turn the clocks back a bit to 1960 and BUTTERFIELD 8. Liz actually won an Oscar for this film in which she plays a slutty, drunken "fashion model" (aka prostitute) who falls in love an alcoholic son of a working class family who has married into money. Liz made the film to get out of her contract with MGM, so she could jump over to 20th-Century Fox to star in the epic CLEOPATRA (more on this one later). Taylor's conditions for agreeing to make BUTTERFIELD 8 included shooting the film in New York, having control over costumes, hair and giving husband Eddie Fisher (freshly divorced from America's sweetheart Debbie Reynolds) a supporting role. She publicly campaigned against the film: "I hate the girl I play, " she told the press, "This is the most pornographic script I have ever read!" The public, titillated by Taylor and the provocative subject matter, made the film a hit. "I still say it stinks" recanted Liz. After finishing production on BUTTERFIELD 8, Taylor, and freed from MGM's clutches, shew flew to London to begin work on CLEOPATRA, the biggest budgeted film up till that time.

In 1963, Liz also became the highest paid movie star AND worked with future husband Richard Burton (who was cast as Mark Antony) for the first time. The press had a field day when Taylor and Burton began an torrid and scandalous affair during filming – both stars were married to other people at the time!!! The Vatican even accused her of "erotic vagrancy"!!! That's pretty damn cool The production itself was plagued by many problems, and director Joe Mankiewicz' original cut was six hours long. Fox demanded that two hours be cut, which they were, thankfully. When the film was released historians criticized it's inaccuracies, critics attacked the disjointed script and the over-the-top acting was laughed at universally, causing filmgoers to wonder how a film maker could get such great actors to act so badly.

After a string of better films in the mid-60s, Liz and Dick returned to Huh?-ville in 1968 with a little something we like to call BOOM! Freely adapted from Tennessee Williams' play "The Milk Train Doesn't Stop Here Anymore", BOOM! is the oddest, most pretentious "art film" ever made. It's almost indescribable. But if you EVER get the chance to see it - Run!!!

Liz spent much of the 1970s making mediocre films for theaters and TV, appearing on talks shows, Bob Hope specials and playing herself on HERE'S LUCY. In 1978, she showed up in - of all places - a musical! In A LITTLE NIGHT MUSIC, Liz delivers a poorly dubbed rendition of "Send in the Clowns". Isn't it rich?

In 1981, during the peak of the daytime soap opera fad, Liz showed up for a short stint on GENERAL HOSPITAL, playing Helena Cassadine. The character has lived on, though Liz has never revisited the role. After THE FLINTSTONES debacle, Liz participated in an ill-concieved ABC TV-movie aimed at gay men who missed THE GOLDEN GIRLS. Entitled THESE OLD BROADS, this "event" gathered together for the first (and LAST!) time: Liz Taylor, Debbie Reynolds (Liz's longtime nemesis) , Shirley MacLaine (who had played Debbie in POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE) and Joan Collins (who took over the role of Pearl Slaghoople in THE FLINTSTONES sequel). I can recall this being among the two of the most painful hours ever spent in front of the TV - rivaling the infamous MARY & RHODA reunion movie. To top it all off, poor Liz delivered all her scenes from a sickbed!!!

Well, in spite of it all - we still love her and were were proud to have Dame Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor as first inductee into the "Huh?" Hall of Fame! She was an angel and she will be missed.

Sonseed Gets GLEEked

Just when I thought we saw the last of the Sonseed revival that sprung forth from this very blog, I received word from Sal that the song "Jesus is a Friend of Mine" was to be featured in this week's episode of GLEE.

This was followed by emails, phone calls and texts about it - and now even another blogger has blogged about it. How meta is that? Of course they credit the person who stole the video from me for starting the phenom, but what can you do?

Congrats to Sal and the folks from Sonseed!

Goldie & Liza Together

To celebrate Liza's 65th birthday - Here's a classic post from 2009.

When I think of the great showbiz pairings over the years I think of such duos as Martin & Lewis, Burns & Allen, Hope & Crosby - even Crosby & Bowie. Somehow Hawn & Minnelli don't easily spring to mind. But in 1980, both of these leading ladies were campaigning for roles in the aborted film version of CHICAGO - and CBS thought it would be a good idea to team the two superstars up in a prime-time variety outing.

Both gals already had big film careers and a few TV specials behind them, so why not take America's favorite kookie blonde and the dazzling Studio 54 barfly and give them an hour to prove what good friends they are supposed to be in real life? And so we have GOLDIE & LIZA TOGETHER! By the way, I've had this show on VHS since it first aired, and has entertained me and countless guests ever since.

The hour starts with an hysterical duet as Goldie and Liza drive to the studio (in their own cars) declaring how nervous they are about working with each other. 

"I'm doing a special with my friend Liza..." Goldie's so freaked out she takes a bag of garbage with her in her jeep!

Liza's a mess too - almost causing a major traffic accident because she's totally obsessing on Goldie. 

Well, luckily they both make it to the studio alive in time for rehearsal.

After an implied dance runthrough, Liza insists on Goldie telling her about her big solo number - which turns out to be a cover of the iconic Village People song, "Y.M.C.A.". 

Goldie and a gaggle of scantily clad, but not very sexy, dancers bring the song to life inspiring countless wedding receptions since.

Liza's big solo number is also a disco tune from the same period–Donna Summer's "Bad Girls". 

This tribute to prostitution is a "toot-toot beep-beep" hoot, with Liza taking on the role of a high class call girl, surrounded by several more hooker-ish women. 

A Fosse-inspired solo dance number ensues and lots of slow-motion inserts attempt to make Liza look glamourous. 

I think she looks like a severely damaged drag queen. 

After this number, we visit the ladies in the recording studio where they are recording the vocal tracks for "The Other Woman." After goofy Goldie messes up a few times, they finally get down to business and provide us with a very pleasing performance.Next is an extremely silly and somewhat painful number involving the gals and a pile of leftover wardrobe from what looks like a high school production of ALICE IN WONDERLAND with pirates.

Then comes the big dramatic sequence. A  10-minute character study that borders on lesbianism but really has something to do with unfaithful roommates. I've seen it about 100 times and it kills me every time.

The best part of the show is the finale - the fabulous CHICAGO number in which Liza proves what a tremendous talent she is.For every dance move that Goldie makes, Liza tops her with at least two. 

It's a rousing rendition of "All That Jazz" that causes us to wonder what the film might have been like with them in it. Oh well...we'll always have GOLDIE & LIZA TOGETHER.

The closing number is an out-of-breath "Together Wherever We Go" from GYPSY. I could be wrong, but somehow you can tell that as soon as production wrapped, Goldie and Liza never spoke to each other again.

I really wish they still did shows like this today. Who wouldn't love to see QUEEN LATIFAH & NICOLE KIDMAN TOGETHER? CBS - are you listening?