A classic post. This may be the 4th time I'm running it. What has been heralded as one of the worst hours of television ever - THE PAUL LYNDE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL has got to be seen to be believed. This ABC special originally aired once in 1976, but after years of showing up a bootleg copies, it's finally available on DVD.The show has a loose "storyline", as legendary flamboyant HOLLYWOOD SQUARES celebrity Paul first thinks it's a Christmas special, then an Easter special, and then a Valentines Day special - until his elderly housekeeper (guest star Margaret Hamilton) sets him straight, so to speak. After a barrage of cornball jokes (some written by Bruce Vilanch), Paul breaks out in song: a decidedly Halloween take on "Kids" from "Bye, Bye Birdie". (Which Mr. Lynde introduced in the original Broadway show). Basically the song is a complaint about the younger generation, calling out everything that is wrong with them. My favorite line is "Too much Alice Cooper and not enough Alice Faye!" Like anyone in 1976 knew who Alice Faye was! During this number he gets attacked by trick or treaters dressed as devils - but two of the gang members are revealed to be his ABC pals Donny & Marie in a cheap cameo.After the song, Margaret convinces her bitchy and bitter boss Paul to take a drive with her to visit her sister, who lives at the mysterious Gloomsbury Manor. Sis turns out to be none other than the fabulous Witchie-Poo (Billie Hayes) from H.R. PUFNSTUF! Then, amazingly Margaret transforms herself into her WIZARD OF OZ character - the Wicked Witch of the West! Talk about crossovers! It turns out the witches want to enlist Paul to help them erase their negative media image. 1970s little person superstar Billy Barty shows up as the butler–just in time for some insulting midget jokes, followed by an appearance by a delightfully youthful Betty White as Miss Halloween 1976 - who has won a date with Paul, but she was expecting PAUL NEWMAN! The witches then offer Paul 3 wishes...Wish #1 - Paul wishes to be a "rhinestone trucker", apparently so he can communicate with Tim Conway via CB radio-which was all the rage in '76. Tim arrives at a dinner where PinkyTuscadero (Roz Kelly from HAPPY DAYS) is the waitress. Tim is about to marry Pinky, but Paul crashes through the wall with his big rig in time to stop the wedding and ask Pinky to marry him instead! Pinky challenges the guys to a contest to see who's more macho. Billy Barty plays the "short order cook"-and he's the most macho!!!Whaa-whaa. What does all this have to do with Halloween? Then there's an awful musical number with Paul, Pinky and Tim and some square-dancing disco dancers. After which the witches invite some of their musician friends to perform "chamber music" for Paul - and the quartet turns out to be none other than KISS - who perform "Detroit Rock City," while the camera rotates 360 degrees and viewers get queasy. Then the witches play Monopoly with Paul. Huh?Wish #2 -Paul wishes he was in the Sarah dessert - he's now a dashingly romantic sheik and Florence Henderson is his potentially lusty lover. Mrs. Brady was already used to faking romance with gay leading men-so she plays along just fine. He tells her he first fell for her after he saw her "milking a cobra"! Then he talks about the "ruby portals of her lips" and he gives his rival Tim Conway a cock-a-too "cause a man gets lonely in the foreign legion." Bruce Vilanch was probably giggling backstage and loving that he got away with all this filthy innuendo. How can they top this? Wish #3 - Paul goes to a haunted discotheque - "the only play where a person can hustle without getting arrested". Then just when you think it can't get any worse, Florence appears sporting a Dorothy Hamill hairdo and a glittering black gown and sings a disco version of "That Old Black Magic".Then KISS comes back to sing the monster hit "Beth" and another song called "King of the Nighttime World." (I think it's supposed be about Larry King, but I'm not sure) It all comes to an end when Pinky returns to sing "Disco Lady" with Paul and the rest if the cast in an epic production number, while the guys from KISS look on in disbelief. Roll credits. This has to be the strangest, gayest, bitchiest, most surreal mess ever to air on primetime TV - but of course, I love it. Now if only someone would put out a DVD set of the one-season wonder THE PAUL LYNDE SHOW - then I'd really be happy. Imagine Paul as an upscale, wisecracking Archie Bunker-type dad who gets dumped in the swimming pool each and every week - doesn't that sound truly heavenly?
A fall preview issue, no less! Betty's always had good sense and her hysterical performance on this week's excellent second season premiere of COMMUNITY was more proof that this lady's still in her prime. Hope she's with us for as long as humanly possible.
Damn! I totally intended to run this on Ms. White's birthday on January 17 - but I guess something suddenly came up. Well, here it is, two weeks late. Happy Birthday to our favorite old broad. Whether she's baking pies and acting all sexy on MARY TYLER MOORE or dumb and dumber on GOLDEN GIRLS-Betty is a real class act. We love her on soaps (ANOTHER WORLD, BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL) , game shows (PASSWORD), talk shows (ELLEN), even in movies (LAKE PLACID). I wish more old people would be as cool as Betty White. I wonder if Fox will ever release her short-lived, fondly-remembered 1970s THE BETTY WHITE SHOW on dvd. Well, cheers to Betty - 87 years young and still making us smile! Here a fun clip from before the election. The set up here is that Betty is John McCain's speechwriter.
For a change of pace, here's an actual article I originally wrote in 2003 after appearing on NBC's short-lived revival of LET'S MAKE A DEAL. Unfortunately the series was cancelled before my episode aired (but at least my photo was used on NBC.com to promote the show). The article never saw the light or day, until now.Ever since I was a little kid I dreamed of being on a TV game show. Growing up in the 1970s in a suburb of New York City, you'd think there would be ample opportunities for me to become a contestant, but there weren't. Aside from the locally-produced BOWLING FOR DOLLARS and the occasional PBS educational "quiz" show, I think there only two or three game shows being taped in NYC.
I can recall a first grade school trip to the NBC Studios where I caught a glimpse of TO TELL THE TRUTH panelist Kitty Carlisle during the studio tour. I didn't even know who exactly she was or what she was famous for, all I knew is that it was love at first sight.My obsession with game shows has been a part of me ever since then. I remember looking for any excuse to stay home from school to watch my favorites. This was before the age of the vcr, before cable, before Tivo, when you HAD to watch TV shows when they aired. It never made sense to me as a kid why the best shows aired during school hours. Since my grammar school was only two blocks from my house, I got to go home for lunch everyday, so I was able to get a daily fix of Kitty and all her wonderful friends without having to take a sick day.Sure, like every kid, I loved cartoons, but I'm pretty sure I learned more from game shows than I would have from kids' shows. I remember making a list of every game show, it's host, production company and when it aired. I also recall drawing out what the sets of imaginary games shows that I invented might look like, dreaming about what celebrities I would get to appear as my panelists. Of course Kitty would be there, but could I possibly get Mitzi McCall, Betty White, Kaye Ballard and Joanne Worley? I remember being very sad when some of my favorites like HIGH ROLLERS, RHYME OR REASON or JACKPOT were cancelled without much notice or fanfare.I always thought with all those fabulous game shows, why didn't I ever know anybody who was a contestant? Not even any of my cousins who lived in California! It seems illogical that all these strangers were winning stuff, while people I knew didn't even get a chance to play.Over the years, as game shows changed, so did I. I actually grew to hate some of the newer shows, hosts, and celebrities. I longed for the simpler days of fun shows like CELEBRITY SWEEPSTAKES, TREASURE HUNT and LIARS CLUB, great emcees like Gene Rayburn and Geoff Edwards and stars like the great Paul Lynde, Charles Nelson Reilly and Brett Somers. These were my role models. Does anybody even remember THE LIARS CLUB besides me?
Flash forward to 2001, due to various reasons, John, my partner of nine years, and I move from San Francisco (where we lived for six) to LA. Working as a freelance art director, I found myself watching the Game Show Network quite often. Reruns of the classic shows like MATCH GAME, HOLLYWOOD SQUARES and WHAT'S MY LINE? bring me back, comfort me, remind me of a life before responsibilities, before I grew bitter about TV (and the rest of the world). If only they would show TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES!
Now living in Burbank, I know that we are not far from "where it all happens." I knew that eventually I would be a contestant on something. John, also a game show fan, got the chance to audition for the new HOLLYWOOD SQUARES, but didn't make the cut because he wasn't "perky" enough. He also took the JEOPARDY! test, but failed to answer enough questions correctly. He says it was pretty damn hard...maybe being a contestant isn't as easy as we always thought. Soon after John's rejection, a friend of ours appeared on JEOPARDY! and I can finally say I knew someone who was on a game show.A few months later we got tickets to our new favorite, THE WEAKEST LINK, but the grueling four-hour taping for the half-hour daytime edition left a bad taste in our mouths. The great Anne Robinson wasn't even the host, dammit!A few months later we both auditioned for a new game show. It's was the TV version of our favorite board game, TABOO. John & I totally kicked ass at the audition, but in our 30s, we were the oldest people there and the only people who weren't actors or models. That's something that I never thought about as a kid...that there were people who just keep trying out for game shows, when they aren't auditioning for soaps and sitcoms. Contestants are mostly actors!!! Who knew?Well anyway, we never made it on to TABOO, but the producers somehow saw my audition tape and called me in to interview for the all new LET'S MAKE A DEAL! This was chance, I thought, to not only be on a game show, but a classic one, where the only skill I needed was the ability to pick the right curtain! No problem! John was able to get a ticket and the day off from work...so were were going to lose our game show virginity together. LET'S MAKE A DEAL! The big day finally arrived in January. We were going to be on the first of five new episodes for prime time, so we were very excited. John & I arrived at the studio at 10:30AM and after several hours of interviews and "getting to know you" warm up exercises, we finally got in the studio around 4:30. We had made friends with a few other contestants, mostly older woman and some cute guys, all of whom didn't have a clue that John & I were a couple. Go figure. Luckily, we were both chosen to sit in the "trading floor" area of the audience, so we
knew we would get plenty of airtime. I was wearing a huge red Marge Simpson-type wig and an all-red outfit with a home-made shirt that proclaimed "Make Me a Red Hot Deal". John was wearing something he threw together in about five minutes: a big afro wig with a funky 70s polyester shirt. For some reason, they seated us on different ends of the audience. Was it homophobia...or part of the plan? Sadly Monty Hall was now retired, but the new host Billy Bush (W's cousin or nephew or something) was better than we though he'd be...especially when he picked ME to play for round 4 of the show!Yes, Billy offered me $500 in cash for my backpack, which I quickly traded, even though it was a fabulous Patricia Field red glitter backpack that I've had for almost 10 years. After the trade, Billy then offered me a deal to trade the $500 for curtain number 3. I looked over to John and he said "Trade it!!!"...so I did...and I won a Grandfather clock (valued at $3000). I was like "oh...that's pretty, um okay"...So I sat back down and thought to myself "what the hell am I gonna do with a Grandfather clock? Especially since I have to pay taxes on it! Maybe I'll get an opportunity to trade it in..." The old ladies sitting next to me were more excited than I was. They all loved the clock and thought that I would love it too. I think Billy (and the producers) could tell that I wasn't exactly thrilled about my prize...do they even try to match the prizes up with the contestants?So, round 5 and 6 come and go...then suddenly Billy is back in my face asking if I want to trade the Grandfather clock back for my backpack, which now contains a key to something. Right away I think "CAR!!!" or "ZONK!!". I turn to John and he says "Take the backpack!!!!". So I do, and the key turns out to be for a $10,000 jet ski! I act like if it's just what I always wanted!!! Billy asks me if I love it and I say, um - yes. But I don't...What the hell am I gonna do with a jet ski??? I live in the valley!!!Well, turns out...I was the BIG WINNER on the show, so Billy instantly asks me if I want to trade it in for a chance to be in THE BIG DEAL...worth $65,000!!!!I act a little hesitant...but of course, decide to go for it!!!! Now THIS is what I've been waiting my whole life for...to trade what I've already won for a chance to win even BIGGER!!! So, John comes down from the audience and joins me. We decide to pick door number three. We come back from commercial and Billy asks me "Is John your friend, buddy or roommate?" And I answer, "All that and much, much more..." and then he asks me first which door I want and suddenly I say "Number TWO!".
John looks at me puzzled..."Two?" My opponent, KC, who I thought was super HOT picks Door number 3. They reveal my prize first (meaning that I didn't win the BIG DEAL)...and low and behold it's a LEATHER sofa & loveseat. I smile with glee, all the while thinking "we're vegans...we don't believe in leather furniture!!!"...BUT there's also a stereo system AND last (but not least) a 50 INCH TV!!!!!!!! Grand total $11,000 –I freak out! Jump up and down, hug Billy, hug John, hug KC, hug Billy again...etc. Yes, I hugged a Bush.
KC wins a trip to Australia, scuba equipment, a lobster of the month and an eBay gift certificate. I'm glad I didn't win this...I couldn't imagine trying to get John, who doesn't fly, on a plane to Australia...and LIVE lobsters delivered to our house...we'd have to put in a pool to keep them all alive. The BIG DEAL (which nobody won) was a "Casablanca" theme...so it includes a Baby grand piano, a private-plane to Morocco and a $50,000 RED sports car (totally not me). I try to act disappointed that I didn't win the Big Deal, but I was really happy. I'm glad I picked #2...that TV is exactly what I wanted. So after 12 hours, we finally got out of the studio at 10:30 PM–a 12 hour orDEAL–and in the car on the way home I turned to John and asked "Did that REALLY happen? Did I just win on a game show?" John replied "You sure did, but what hell are WE gonna do with a leather sofa and loveseat?" EPILOGUE - When NBC cancelled the show, it took us over a year to get our prize - we ended up forfeiting the leather furniture - but we still have our 50 inch TV, and I was on a game show!
What has been heralded as one of the worst hours of television ever - THE PAUL LYNDE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL has got to be seen to be believed. This ABC special originally aired once in 1976, but after years of showing up a bootleg copies, it's finally available on DVD.The show has a loose "storyline", as legendary flamboyant HOLLYWOOD SQUARES celebrity Paul first thinks it's a Christmas special, then an Easter special, and then a Valentines Day special - until his elderly housekeeper (guest star Margaret Hamilton) sets him straight, so to speak. After a barrage of cornball jokes (some written by Bruce Vilanch), Paul breaks out in song: a decidedly Halloween take on "Kids" from "Bye, Bye Birdie". (Which Mr. Lynde introduced in the original Broadway show). Basically the song is a complaint about the younger generation, calling out everything that is wrong with them. My favorite line is "Too much Alice Cooper and not enough Alice Faye!" Like anyone in 1976 knew who Alice Faye was! During this number he gets attacked by trick or treaters dressed as devils - but two of the gang members are revealed to be his ABC pals Donny & Marie in a cheap cameo.After the song, Margaret convinces her bitchy and bitter boss Paul to take a drive with her to visit her sister, who lives at the mysterious Gloomsbury Manor. Sis turns out to be none other than the fabulous Witchie-Poo (Billie Hayes) from H.R. PUFNSTUF! Then, amazingly Margaret transforms herself into her WIZARD OF OZ character - the Wicked Witch of the West! Talk about crossovers! It turns out the witches want to enlist Paul to help them erase their negetive media image. 1970s little person superstar Billy Barty shows up as the butler–just in time for some insulting midget jokes, followed by an appearance by a delightfully youthful Betty White as Miss Halloween 1976 - who has won a date with Paul, but she was expecting PAUL NEWMAN! The witches then offer Paul 3 wishes...Wish #1 - Paul wishes to be a "rhinestone trucker", apparently so he can communicate with Tim Conway via CB radio-which was all the rage in '76. Tim arrives at a dinner where Pinky Tuscadero (Roz Kelly from HAPPY DAYS) is the waitress. Tim is about to marry Pinky, but Paul crashes through the wall with his big rig in time to stop the wedding and ask Pinky to marry him instead! Pinky challenges the guys to a contest to see who's more macho. Billy Barty plays the "short order cook"-and he's the most macho!!!Whaa-whaa. What does all this have to do with Halloween? Then there's an awful musical number with Paul, Pinky and Tim and some square-dancing disco dancers. After which the witches invite some of their musician friends to perform "chamber music" for Paul - and the quartet turns out to be none other than KISS - who perform "Detroit Rock City," while the camera rotates 360 degrees and viewers get queasy. Then the witches play Monopoly with Paul. Huh?Wish #2 -Paul wishes he was in the Sarah dessert - he's now a dashingly romantic sheik and Florence Henderson is his potentially lusty lover. Mrs. Brady was already used to faking romance with gay leading men-so she plays along just fine. He tells her he first fell for her after he saw her "milking a cobra"! Then he talks about the "ruby portrals of her lips" and he gives his rival Tim Conway a cock-a-too "cause a man gets lonely in the foreign legion." Bruce Vilanch was probably giggling backstage and loving that he got away with all this filthy innuendo. How can they top this? Wish #3 - Paul goes to a haunted discothèque - "the only play where a person can hustle without getting arrested". Then just when you think it can't get any worse, Florence appears sporting a Dorothy Hamill hairdo and a glittering black gown and sings a disco version of "That Old Black Magic".Then KISS comes back to sing the monster hit "Beth" and another song called "King of the Nighttime World." (I think it's supposed be about Larry King, but I'm not sure) It all comes to an end when Pinky returns to sing "Disco Lady" with Paul and the rest if the cast in an epic production number, while the guys from KISS look on in disbelief. Roll credits. This has to be the strangest, gayest, bitchiest, most surreal mess ever to air on primetime TV - but of course, I love it. Now if only someone would put out a DVD set of the one-season wonder THE PAUL LYNDE SHOW - then I'd really be happy. Imagine Paul as an upscale, wisecracking Archie Bunker-type dad who gets dumped in the swimming pool each and every week - doesn't that sound truly heavenly?
The show has a loose "storyline", as legendary flamboyant HOLLYWOOD SQUARES celebrity Paul first thinks it's a Christmas special, then an Easter special, and then a Valentines Day special - until his elderly housekeeper (guest star Margaret Hamilton) sets him straight, so to speak. After a barrage of cornball jokes (some written by Bruce Vilanch), Paul breaks out in song: a decidedly Halloween take on "Kids" from "Bye, Bye Birdie". (Which Mr. Lynde introduced in the original Broadway show). Basically the song is a complaint about the younger generation, calling out everything that is wrong with them. My favorite line is "Too much Alice Cooper and not enough Alice Faye!" Like anyone in 1976 knew who Alice Faye was! During this number he gets attacked by trick or treaters dressed as devils - but two of the gang members are revealed to be his ABC pals Donny & Marie in a cheap cameo.
After the song, Margaret convinces her bitchy and bitter boss Paul to take a drive with her to visit her sister, who lives at the mysterious Gloomsbury Manor. Sis turns out to be none other than the fabulous Witchie-Poo (Billie Hayes) from H.R. PUFNSTUF! Then, amazingly Margaret transforms herself into her WIZARD OF OZ character - the Wicked Witch of the West! Talk about crossovers! It turns out the witches want to enlist Paul to help them erase their negative media image. 1970s little person superstar Billy Barty shows up as the butler–just in time for some insulting midget jokes, followed by an appearance by a delightfully youthful Betty White as Miss Halloween 1976 - who has won a date with Paul, but she was expecting PAUL NEWMAN! The witches then offer Paul 3 wishes...
Wish #1 - Paul wishes to be a "rhinestone trucker", apparently so he can communicate with Tim Conway via CB radio-which was all the rage in '76. Tim arrives at a dinner where Pinky Tuscadero (Roz Kelly from HAPPY DAYS) is the waitress. Tim is about to marry Pinky, but Paul crashes through the wall with his big rig in time to stop the wedding and ask Pinky to marry him instead! Pinky challenges the guys to a contest to see who's more macho. Billy Barty plays the "short order cook"-and he's the most macho!!!Whaa-whaa. What does all this have to do with Halloween? Then there's an awful musical number with Paul, Pinky and Tim and some square-dancing disco dancers. After which the witches invite some of their musician friends to perform "chamber music" for Paul - and the quartet turns out to be none other than KISS - who perform "Detroit Rock City," while the camera rotates 360 degrees and viewers get queasy. Then the witches play Monopoly with Paul. Huh?
Wish #2 -Paul wishes he was in the Sarah dessert - he's now a dashingly romantic sheik and Florence Henderson is his potentially lusty lover. Mrs. Brady was already used to faking romance with gay leading men-so she plays along just fine. He tells her he first fell for her after he saw her "milking a cobra"! Then he talks about the "ruby portals of her lips" and he gives his rival Tim Conway a cock-a-too "cause a man gets lonely in the foreign legion." Bruce Vilanch was probably giggling backstage and loving that he got away with all this filthy innuendo. How can they top this? Wish #3 - Paul goes to a haunted discotheque - "the only play where a person can hustle without getting arrested". Then just when you think it can't get any worse, Florence appears sporting a Dorothy Hamill hairdo and a glittering black gown and sings a disco version of "That Old Black Magic".
Then KISS comes back to sing the monster hit "Beth" and another song called "King of the Nighttime World." (I think it's supposed be about Larry King, but I'm not sure) It all comes to an end when Pinky returns to sing "Disco Lady" with Paul and the rest if the cast in an epic production number, while the guys from KISS look on in disbelief. Roll credits.
This has to be the strangest, gayest, bitchiest, most surreal mess ever to air on primetime TV - but of course, I love it. Now if only someone would put out a DVD set of the one-season wonder THE PAUL LYNDE SHOW - then I'd really be happy. Imagine Paul as an upscale, wisecracking Archie Bunker-type dad who gets dumped in the swimming pool each and every week - doesn't that sound truly heavenly?
For a change of pace, here's an actual article I originally wrote in 2003 after appearing on 
Ever since I was a little kid I dreamed of being on a TV game show. Growing up in the 1970s in a suburb of New York City, you'd think there would be ample opportunities for me to become a contestant, but there weren't. Aside from the locally-produced BOWLING FOR DOLLARS and the occasional PBS educational "quiz" show, I think there only two or three game shows being taped in NYC.
I can recall a first grade school trip to the NBC Studios where I caught a glimpse of TO TELL THE TRUTH panelist Kitty 
My obsession with game shows has been a part of me ever since then. I remember looking for any excuse to stay home from school to watch my favorites. This was
Luckily, we were both chosen to sit in the "trading floor" area of the audience, so we 
