CRAZY MAMA

For our third cult classic "Mama" film (and vintage review from 2007), we've got Jonathan Demme's CRAZY MAMA (1975). An all-star cast brings this BONNIE & CLYDE wannabe to life, sort of. It's PG rating is a foreshadowing of what we are in for.

The backstory is that in the early 1930s, a family farm in Arkansas is taken over by law enforcement, killing the farmer, leaving his wife Sheba (Ann Sothern) and daughter Melba (Cloris Leachman) fleeing the state. They wind up years later running a beauty salon in California. They still not have recovered from losing the farm and Papa.

Soon "Mr. Howell" (Jim Backus) shows up and repossesses all of their belongings. They've out of luck, out of money and Melba's teenage daughter Cheryl (Linda Purl) is knocked up by "Ralph Malph" (Don Most). What else can go possibly go wrong? Well, then they decide to head back to Arkansas and reclaim the farmland that should be theirs! Wonder if they'll ever get there?

So they steal Mr. Howell's car, rob a gas station and head to Arkansas via Las Vegas!. While in Vegas, Sheba picks up a new friend named Bertha, and Cheryl picks up a second boyfriend, a biker named Snake. Not to be left out, Melba wins the heart of married Texas sheriff Jim Bob (Stuart Whitman). This is starting to feel like BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS all over again. Except without the whores.

Despite being married to Ella Mae (Sally Kirkland), Jim Bob also marries Melba while Snake and Ralph Malph rob the chapel. Somehow Cheryl's two boyfriends have become friends and partners-in-crime. Why all three even share a bed! But there's NOTHING dirty going on. What follows is a silly crime spree with stunts like Sheba pretending to faint in a grocery store, in order to grab the cash. More heists, car chases and scams ensue.

The big money-making scheme involves "kidnapping" Jim Bob and holding him hostage, for a ransom that they will all split. Of course things don't go as smoothly as planned and somebody ends up dead. Somewhere during all these shenanigans, Cloris (Oscar, Emmy, and Golden Globe Award winner) wears a see-thru top without a bra. It feels highly disturbing to see Phyllis Lindstrom's nipple. Betty White would never show us her nipple, would she? Hey, I thought this was rated PG! I guess Cloris has a family-friendly nipple.

This film wasn't BAD enough to be BAD, And it wasn't GOOD enough to be GOOD. It wasn't funny enough to be a comedy and it wasn't serious enough to be a crime drama. While the acting was good and the cinematography superb, I was expecting the film to overall be much more FUN - instead it turned out to be a big, crazy bore. Maybe if it was rated R, there would be more sex, more realistic violence and a more spicy script. Instead, we have basically an episode of BEVERLY HILLBILLIES with a nipple.

For those of you who watch those PBS "1950's oldtime rock n roll reunion pledge break specials", the soundtrack might be appealing to you. I found it wretched. I give the film 4 out of 10, because my only "Huh?" had to do with the previously mentioned nipple. Let's hope BLOODY MAMA with Shelley Winters is better - or at least has less nipple!

BLACK MAMA, WHITE MAMA

Since Danny gave such a fun review of BIG BAD MAMA, I asked him to share his comments on another MAMA movie classic. (This review is also from 2007) Take it away Danny... BLACK MAMA, WHITE MAMA aka WOMEN IN CHAINS (1972, Eddie Romero) simply put, starts out like an episode of CHARLIE'S ANGELS, but then withers into a JOSIE & THE PUSSYCATS cartoon gone awfully awry. 

It begins with our heroines (Black Mama Pam Grier and White Mama Margaret Markov) arriving at the prison somewhere in Central America (although, for some reason most of the extras look Filipino!!!). They are soon treated to a shower where the "meaner of the two mean lesbian matrons" watches the girlie inmates shower and frolic, like that scene in PORKY'S. 

After freshening up, the girls all report to their bunks...and it turns out prison in Central America isn't so much punishment as it is a slumber party! The "meaner of the two mean lesbian matrons" calls on Black Mama that first night, but Pam clearly shows that she doesn't swing that way. This was way before THE L WORD, though I'm not sure she swings that way there either.

The story is totally different when White Mama goes to see miss "meaner of the two mean lesbian matrons" -  Pam calls her out on it and she simply replies, "you had you chance."  I agreed.  Then there were these two sets of bad guys and they wanted something or other from either White Mama or Black Mama...and they all seemed to really, really like the Filipino-looking extras.  

Anyway, for some reason the Mamas were being transferred (maybe to the Tea Party prison?), and we all knew something was going to go all wrong.  I was sure a tidal wave was gonna come and knock the bus over, thus releasing our heroines (I don't know, maybe it's because the location had that miniature look to it...) everyone else thought it would be a train wreck, like in THE FUGITIVE or an "accident" like in ANOTHER 48 HOURS, but nobody guessed it would be the old "yak in the road" ploy! 

Yeah, there's a yak and the bus stops and there's shooting and both mean lesbian matrons get shot dead (as usual)... and our heroines escape, chained together!!! Black Mama tugs on the chain and White Mama says, "I'm not a yo-yo!". Well, she's not!

So they fight, walk through a stream, wrestle, get attacked by a fat guy ( whom they kill and burn up) and lots of other stuff.
But most of all, they learn to get along. Meanwhile, those two sets of bad guys keep tracking them and wanting something from each of them while they continue to enjoy the Filipino girlie extras, of which there seems to be an endless supply. I hope they at least got paid in craft services.

So, finally one set of guys finds the girls, releases them from each other and takes them to a pier where the other set of guys is waiting!!! There's gun fire, things blow up good, Black Mama gets on a boat and White Mama is shot dead. Oops - did I give away the ending? Sorry. The End. Looking forward to the sequel, BLACK MAMA, BIG BAD WHITE MAMA!

Doug gives this one a 6 outta 10. Not great, but enjoyable in small doses.

BIG BAD MAMA

This was a guest blog post from my good friend Danny...originally from 2007! Enjoy...Hi bad movie fans, Danny here - BIG BAD MAMA (1974, directed by some guy called Steve Carver) is drive-in classic I remember my father taking me to see when I was six. I consider it the best "Mother As A Role Model" movie ever made!

First off, let me tell you how excited I was to learn that this movie starred Robbie Lee who some of you might know as the baaaaad girl from SWITCHBLADE SISTERS (Maybe Doug will let me review that too one day)! Not three minutes into the movie and she was already showing her left booby.

Actually, this movie was just full of boobies and tushies and even Angie Dickenson got in on the act!!! As a six year old, it was all the same to me, but I don't think I was really ready to see Sgt. Pepper Anderson's fleshy badges all up in the windshield of dad's 1969 Thunderbird. I was confused, was she America's favorite POLICE WOMAN or a tit-flinging bank robber?And just why is she having sex with Captain Kirk when she just had sex with that guy who's gonna be attacked by an ALIEN in about five years? (Tom Skerritt)

Getting back to a more serious issue...what's with all this booby & tushie? Is this really appropriate viewing for a six year old? What was my father thinking??? And if I'm old enough for this, why aren't I old enough to go to Disneyland four years from now???

Also... why aren't things exploding? For the amount of gunfire there was in this movie, NOT ONE thing blowed up good and that was very disheartening. No one even got shot in the cooch, but William Shatner got shot dead and that was good enough.

I think if you examine the movie poster above, you'll get what the movie is and you'll probably ask, "Who's driving that car?" Beats me.

Did we learn anything from this movie? Yes, and that is... it's never too late to start a new life... or rent a different movie.

Doug gives this one 7 outta 10.

NIGHT OF THE DEMON

Here's a classic post from when I actually had time to watch movies.














Ever wonder what "Dana Andrews said prunes gave him the runes...and passing them used lots of skills" refers to in the song "Science Fiction Double Feature" from THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW? Or the lyric "Its in the trees! Its coming!" from Kate Bush's "Hounds of Love"? Well look no further than 1957's NIGHT OF THE DEMON. And, oh what a night it is!













Directed by Jacques Tourneur, it all starts with a shot of some famous big rocks with some cryptic mumbo jumbo about evil and witchcraft and "the runes". (Runes were letterforms used to write Germanic languages before and shortly after the Christianization of the British Isles).











After our credit sequence where we learn that Dana Andrews is our star, we see an unknown man (not Dana) driving down a long, dark wooded road - he stops at an opulent mansion called Lufford Hall - it looks very much like a University building. We learn that this man is Professor Henry Harrington (Maurice Denham) and he's here to see Dr. Julian Karswell (Niall MacGinnis). Karswell's butler lies to Harrington and tells him that the man of the manor is not at home. Karswell then appears and he and Harrington go back and forth about some study that the Professor has been working on. Apparently something sinister has been uncovered and the Professor is frightened for his life. Karswell he just wants privacy for himself and his dedicated followers. The situation goes unresolved and the Professor leaves and gets in his car and drives away. He parks in his garage, when suddenly a GIANT smoke ball appears in the sky. So what does he do? He gets back in his car and drives directly into a telephone pole. Then a GIANT DEMON attacks him!!!

Meanwhile, Dana Andrews is flying to London (we know this because he is trying to sleep on the plane with a newspaper covering his face. The newspaper headline reads something like "Professor Holden Flies to London". I swear!) Unable to sleep because some woman behind him is fiddling with her meal tray - he asks a stewardess for a mask - she suggests he pop some pills instead. Drug pusher!!! The meal tray woman asks if she can change her seat because she realizes that she's annoying Dana. Too late, we're already half-way there. Wonder if the woman has a newspaper that says "Annoying Woman Flies to London"?

Professor Harrington has sent a driver to pick up Dana at the airport, but Dana is assaulted by reporters who want to know WHY he's in England. (Apparently tomorrow's headlines will tell everyone). He tells them he's here to debunk myths about things like ghosts, hypnotism, demonology, zombies, witchcraft, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, etc.. We then learn that Harrington is dead - reports say he was electrocuted! No mention of the Demon. Hmmm...

Dana arrives at his hotel and is greeted by some British guy and two other visiting professors - who we will call Harold and Kumar. Harold tells us that's he been doing research into Karswell's Devil Cult - and specifically the case of a farmer named Hobart who was arrested for murder and placed in a home for the criminally insane. Huh? Kumar just stands around looking very un-Indian. Then they show Dana a drawing of a fire demon. Not sure who drew it. Harold's kid maybe? Then the phone rings - it's Dr. Karswell (How did he get the number?) - he tells Dana in no uncertain terms to rethink his planned expose - or else!











Next Dana goes to the British Museum - but it turns out that a 400 year old book that he wants to see is suddenly missing. Of course, Karswell shows up and declares that he OWNS a copy of that very same book, he then invites Dana to his place in the country for a visit. Wink, wink. Dana tells him he'll visit alright, but he's not gonna stop his "investigation". Karswell then knocks over a pile of papers that Dana is working on and slips in one of his business cards. Only there is cryptic note on the card, which disappears after Dana reads it! Spooky stuff!

Next we are at Professor Harrington's funeral - and guess who shows up? The annoying chick from the plane! Turns out she's Joann Harrington (Peggy Cummins), the late professor's nosy neice. She soon pays Dana a "visit" in his hotel room - with her uncle's diary. The diary contains Runic symbols and because of this she believes that the professor was killed by witchcraft!!! Or maybe he just drove into a telephone poll?

The next day, Dana and Joann pay Karswell a visit - during a magic show that Karswell is putting on for the local (devil worshipping?) kids. We learn that Halloween is only a few days away. Mother Karswell (Athene Seyler) is scooping out ice cream for the kids (and Joann) while her son and Dana discuss the powers of the mind. Did I mention that Karswell is in full clown makeup? Suddenly two creepy kids in Halloween masks jump out at them. Scared the crap outta me!

To show dense Dana that he means business, Karswell waves his hand and removes a protective shield from around his estate. Suddenly a violent windstorm begins, totally ruining the Halloween party. Then Karswell predicts that Dana will die in three days!!! He tells Dana to drop his investigation if he wants to live!!! Dana says no. Huh?

Meanwhile Joann gets kindly Mother K. to show her a book of Runic symbols - which is pretty and all - but it doesn't come with a translation key. Karswell chastises his mother and tells her that they live so well because of his "followers". Okay - where are these so-called followers???

Next Dana and Joann flirt about "causes and effects" i.e. "penises and vaginas". Then paranoid Dana suspects he's being followed - must have something to do with those loud footsteps we keep hearing, no? Later Dana whistles an Irish dirge for Harold and Kumar and waxes on about auto-suggestion and mass hysteria. These guys really know how to have fun!!! Dana tells the guys he's giving a speech on ESP - but they discover that his notes have been torn out of his notebook!!! So, he decides to meet up with Joann "for a drink". ;)

Dana discovers that Karswell passed him "the runes" on a piece of parchment when they met at the museum. Now Dana is cursed and doomed to die - if he only believed in such nonsense! So, since he's only got about 48 hours left he decides to visit the Hobart farm, where he's greeted by an angry English hillbilly with a shovel. Mrs. Hobart invites Dana in to talk - and the rest of the creepy white trash Hobart clan comes out of the woodwork. They all look like sideshow freaks and talk like Yoda. He begs Mrs. Hobart to sign a piece of paper which allows her murderous son to be released from the mental hospital so Dana can try to "help" him. The parchment then tries to escape from Dana's wallet and Mrs. Hobart declares "he has been chosen!"

Then Dana visits Stonehenge and sees that the writing on his parchment (it's like a big fortune-cookie fortune) matches the Runic hieroglyphics on the stone wall. So then he takes a taxi to meet Joann who's been hanging with Karswell's mother. I think Mother K. is giving Joann some special attention - if you know what I mean. Turns out Mother K. is having a seance and wants Dana and Joann to sit in. The medium is then taken over by a) an American Indian chief, b) a certain Mr. McGregor, c) a little girl who lost her doll and finally, d) Joann's uncle - who tells then that Karswell has a translation of the Runic book! Huh???

So, Joann drives Dana to Karswell's mansion after Mother K. tells him that her son is not home - so Dana climbs up a trellis into a open window! The room is filled with dusty antiques and crap covered in sheets. Do people actually cover things with sheets in real life, or only in old movies? We see a hand on the bannister - but wait I thought no one was home? Then we see a black cat! Good thing Dana is not superstitious! Then he finds the translation book - but the cat turns into a leopard and attacks him! Then Karswell appears along with his mother (How the hell did she get home and change into her nightgown so quickly?). Guess Karswell was home after all, thanks Mom. Feeling foolish, Dana decides to walk to his hotel - through the woods. He is followed by smoky footprints and a smoke cloud. Oh no...so he trips and falls and the smoke gets sucked back into the sky! Okay, what the fuck?

So, now it's 3AM and Dana and Joann (where the hell has SHE been?) are at the police station to report the mysterious smoke. The cops are like "what have they been smoking?" They think that Dana is "bewitched". Dana tells Joann that he walks under ladders, cross paths with black cats - he's made a career out of exposing phony superstitions. This pisses her off for some reason. I think she's wishing she was nestled warmly in Mother K's bosom eating ice cream instead of hanging around Debbie Downer Dana.

The next morning, crazy killer farmer Hobart has been released from the asylum. Mother K. calls Joann and bullshits to her about not knowing about her son being home. Yeah, right. She also tells her that someone else knows about the secret of the parchment. Whatever - hey Momma, have any more ice cream? Wanna stay in tonight and rent DESERT HEARTS?

It's now nighttime already - the night that Dana is supposed to die. Joann gets in her car, but she's not alone!!! Meanwhile, crazy killer farmer Hobart is brought in front of a small audience. They surmise that crazy killer farmer Hobart has lost all contact with reality - so they shoot him up with some drug which makes him totally freak out. Dana then hypnotizes him and puts him to sleep in a deep trance - then they give him a dose of (believe it or not) crystal methamphetamine!!!

It's clearly the night of the Demon - when Hobart declares "Its in the trees! Its coming!" and then tells Dana that the parchment was passed to him and he gave it back to the person who passed it to him (his brother), and that person died instead of him. Basically it's like playing "hot potato". Then Hobart freaks out and jumps out a window to his death - very REEFER MADNESS.

SPOILERS AHEAD: So, Dana then rushes to the train station to confront Karswell - jumping on a moving train - he finds Karswell, who has hypnotized and kidnapped Joann. Dana desperately tries to pass the runes back to Karswell, but the guy is just not having it. Eventually it does get passed - but it gets blown out of Karswell's pocket - so he chases the parchment onto the railroad tracks - where it catches fire!!! Suddenly at the same time, BOTH a train AND a demon are headed towards him. The train misses him, but the demon gets him. Dana goes to look at Karswell's dead body - but tells Joann "It's better not to know".














Oh. My. God. I LOVED this movie. Can't tell you what it's about or what it all means, but it's just so atmospheric and interesting that it doesn't matter. Dana Andrews is fun to watch and the rest of the cast as well, even bitchy Joann grows on you after a while. I give it a 10 outta 10. But I wanna know what "prunes" has to do with it all. FYI - there is another version (the US edit) of the film called CURSE OF THE DEMON which is 20 minutes sorter. It's worth seeking out this version to get the full effect.

THE DAUGHTERS OF DARKNESS

Here's another classic for Halloween...
DAUGHTERS OF DARKNESS (1971, directed by Harry Kumel) is the oft-told tale of Countess Elizabeth Báthory, the famous Hungarian countess who is allegedly the most prolific serial killer in recorded history and is known as the "Blood Countess". After her husband's death, she was accused of torturing and killing hundreds of girls and young women, with one witness attributing to them over 600 victims, though she was only convicted on 80 counts. She was also accused of witchcraft and pagan practices. She died in 1614. Creepy.
Our cinematic journey begins aboard a train where we see a attractive young couple having sex in beautiful blue light. They finish and then declare their "un-love" for each other. Next they arrive at a majestic hotel, where they appear to be the only guests. We learn that they are on their honeymoon, and she's insisting that he tells his mother about her. Somewhere around here we learn their names are Stefan and Valerie. I do hope mother approves!Two women soon arrive at the hotel, a beautiful young woman named Ilona and an older blonde mystery woman. "Madam" checks in and asks for "the royal suite" and signs in as "Countess Elizabeth Báthory." Turns out that the newlyweds already have booked her favorite room so she settles for the adjoining suite. She comments that the couple are "perfect" and Ilona's already visibly jealous. We notice that Ilona has a slight red bruise on her neck. Meanwhile, Stefan cuts his neck while shaving - and gets miffed at Valerie when she tries to look at the wound. What's up with that, Stef? In bed, Valerie struggles to read the newspaper, but manages to find out about three young girls murdered in Bruges. Bone-chilling!
The next day, the couple having a romantic ride in a canal in Bruges, when they suddenly come upon a crime scene. It's the fourth young woman murdered in a week. A stranger tells Stefan that the girl was found with neck wound - but not a trace of blood! Stefan's interest in the crime scene causes him to violently push Valerie out of the way. On the way back to the hotel, she tells him that she's frightened by his behavior - then she snuggles up to him. We notice that the stranger from the crime scene is on the bus with them. Spooky.
Back at the hotel, it's raining, and Elizabeth is killing time by knitting. Ilona's bored already and wants to leave. Stefan and Val return and Elizabeth greets them and invites them for a drink. She has what appears to be a McDonald's Shamrock Shake, while they have regular drinks. Pierre the concierge tells them that the Countess once stayed that the hotel over 40 years ago -and hasn't aged a bit! The late edition of the local newspaper features a cover photo of Stefan and Val at the crime scene. Alarming.

The guy from the crowd shows up at the hotel, he tells Elizabeth that he's "just passing by" - turns out he's a retired cop - and he rambles on about ghosts, vampires, etc.. Elizabeth declares that he's distasteful and dismisses him as Ilona dumps Elizabeth's green drink so Stefan will freshen it up for her. Eerie.

While Stefan searches for the bar, Elizabeth tells Valerie the story of her ancestor, the original Countess Elizabeth Báthory, who drank the blood of hundreds of virgins to stay young, then Stefan returns (drinkless?) and Elizabeth caresses him as they recount the historical horror story together. Val freaks out and storms out of the room, Ilona spies on her causing her to scream when she sees someone out on the balcony. Blood-curdling.

Next, Ilona is naked leaning over a bidet and Val is hysterical. Elizabeth offers her drugs to help her sleep - but Val just says no, she just wants to be alone with her husband. When Stef and Val start going at it we see red marks and we also see that Elizabeth and Ilona are watching them! Disturbing.

Next, Stefan finally calls his "mother" - who turns out to be an effeminate older man wearing make-up. "Mother" tells Stefan that it's "unrealistic' that he married a woman - Huh? Then Stef starts beating Valerie as a full-blown thunderstorm strikes the hotel. What a creep! They then wake up naked with him holding a belt, while she has strap marks on her back. Valerie wakes up and sneaks out - to the train station. But Elizabeth follows her to convince her to stay at the hotel and with Stefan. Weird.
Meanwhile, Ilona visits Stefan in his room - and then performs oral sex on him. Back at the train station, Elizabeth gives Valerie a palm reading that includes a kiss. At the hotel, Stefan tries to get Ilona to shower with him, but she doesn't like getting wet, causing her to freak out. While lashing about, she accidentally cuts her hand on his razor - and then falls on it, stabbing herself to death! Hair-raising.Elizabeth and Valerie walk in on Stefan naked on top of a bloody, naked Ilona. The Countess immediately takes charge and orders Valerie and Stefan around. They roll Ilona's dead body down a hill to the beach where Stefan digs a grave with his hands. Elizabeth, wearing a smart black cape, kick's the corpse into the grave, on top of Stefan! Thud!Driving back to the hotel, Elizabeth knocks the cop off his bicycle. Oops!Once back, Stefan sleeps alone while the gals get into some blonde-on-blonde action in Liz's suite. Val is now completely under her control. Oh My.

So, now it's Stefan who's packing his bags and leaving. He demands that Val come with him. Elizabeth shows up in her fabulous glitterball gown and insists that they join her for dinner in her room. Stefan then wigs out again and starts beating Valerie. Elizabeth tries to suffocate him with a punch bowl, which splits in two - cutting his wrists - and then they feed on his blood! Terrifying.

SPOLIER ALERT! After throwing Stefan's body from the hotel roof and into a swamp, they drive away in Elizabeth's vintage car. By dawn's early light, Val begins to lose control of the car, which crashes. Elizabeth's body is flung from the car and impaled on a tree branch, and then engulfed in flames. Uncanny.

A few months later, Valerie is shown hand-in-hand with a young newlywed couple...she's become Elizabeth. Menacing.

A great flick. Wonderful cinematography, gorgeous sets and a fantastic score help you overlook the plot holes (like who's "mother"?) and the sometimes wooden international acting. I'll give it a 10 outta 10 and highly recommend it to fans of horror, lesbians and old hotels.

PUFNSTUF Revisited

Isn't summer supposed to be about reruns anyhow? Having just re-watched the PUFNSTUF movie, now that it is officially released on dvd, I've decided to repeat my original post from way back in 2007 (with some added extras!)Based on the smash hit Saturday morning kiddie series, PUFNSTUF brought the trippy Sid & Marty Krofft creation to the big screen in 1970. Hollingsworth Morse, who directed the TV series (and later many episodes of THE DUKES OF HAZZARD) expanded on the formula of bright colors, fast edits, sped-up film, and LSD-inspired musical numbers that made the NBC series so successful. To appeal to parents and gay men, they added Mama Cass Elliott and Martha Raye to the cast. Yay!This story begins with Jimmy (played by Jack Wild of OLIVER! fame), a young English runaway, frolicking near the edge of a river with his flute. Suddenly the flute comes to life and begins talking - naming itself "Freddie". It also transforms into gold and grows diamonds on it's um, shaft. Jimmy them hops aboard a beautiful magic talking boat that wants to take him out to sea. Of course, Jimmy decides to take "the trip"...not a drug reference in any way, shape or form.
We learn that this boat actually belongs to Witchiepoo (Billie Hayes - giving her performance 1000%), who then turns the pretty boat into a dark, evil boat (i.e. a "bad trip") that traps Jimmy! Jimmy somehow manages to escape from the boat and is aided by a magical go-go boot wearing talking dragon named Pufnstuf (sounding here like Huckleberry Hound) and two "cops" named Cling & Clang (don't ask). Jimmy ends up on the shores of Living island - where everything is alive!
We soon discover that Witchiepoo is after Freddie the Flute to impress Boss Witch (Raye) and her friend Witch Hazel (Cass) - who are coming to visit for an annual witches' convention! What follows are actually some terrific musical numbers- the best being the anthemic "Different" by Mama Cass and "Zap the World" (which sounds amazingly like the WONDER WOMAN theme song, also written by Charles Fox). Oh - there's also a scene with Jimmy in drag. Very, very disturbing. For that alone I give it 9 out of 10 on my scale.

Overall, not a great film for today's kids (who would not have a clue who or what Pufnstuf is), but if you grew up watching the TV show, this is certainly a curiosity worth checking out. I was actually not a big fan of the show - something about the mix of real people and oversize puppets interacting always freaked me out. I preferred my weekly Krofft dosage in human form like ELECTRA WOMAN & DYNA GIRL and DR. SHRINKER, thank you. Also, I was never really sure what Pufnstuf was supposed to be - he looked more like Mayor McCheese than any dragon I ever saw. I also had it in my head that the show wasn't made in Hollywood - but in some strange European country where things weren't quite right. Oddly enough, the shows were show right here in the San Fernando Valley.

Exhibit A: Do these this theme song lyrics make ANY sense? "H.R. Pufnstuf, Who's your friend when things get rough? H.R. Pufnstuf Can't do a little cause he can't do enough." I rest my case. Besides, characters are always singing the praises of Pufnstuf as if he's some sort of messiah, but he actually doesn't do much more than hang around and look creepy.On a side note, any true Cass Elliot fan should seek out this movie, since it was her only big-screen appearance. One wonders what would her career had been like if she didn't die so tragically young? Would she have made more films? Would she have become what Bette Midler eventually became? Would she have attracted legions of gay fans and made Disney films? Would she have hosted her own Sid & Marty Krofft variety series? Would she have played Mama Rose on Broadway? Or would PUFNSTUF become the high point in her post-Mamas & the Papas career? Sadly, the world will never know...

HBO's MR. SHOW did an excellent parody of the Pufnstuf called "The Altered State Of Druggachusetts". You can watch it here.

THE DAUGHTERS OF DARKNESS

DAUGHTERS OF DARKNESS (1971, directed by Harry Kumel) is the oft-told tale of Countess Elizabeth Báthory, the famous Hungarian countess who is allegedly the most prolific serial killer in recorded history and is known as the "Blood Countess". After her husband's death, she was accused of torturing and killing hundreds of girls and young women, with one witness attributing to them over 600 victims, though she was only convicted on 80 counts. She was also accused of witchcraft and pagan practices. She died in 1614. Creepy.
Our cinematic journey begins aboard a train where we see a attractive young couple having sex in beautiful blue light. They finish and then declare their "un-love" for each other. Next they arrive at a majestic hotel, where they appear to be the only guests. We learn that they are on their honeymoon, and she's insisting that he tells his mother about her. Somewhere around here we learn their names are Stefan and Valerie. I do hope mother approves!Two women soon arrive at the hotel, a beautiful young woman named Ilona and an older blonde mystery woman. "Madam" checks in and asks for "the royal suite" and signs in as "Countess Elizabeth Báthory." Turns out that the newlyweds already have booked her favorite room so she settles for the adjoining suite. She comments that the couple are "perfect" and Ilona's already visibly jealous. We notice that Ilona has a slight red bruise on her neck. Meanwhile, Stefan cuts his neck while shaving - and gets miffed at Valerie when she tries to look at the wound. What's up with that, Stef? In bed, Valerie struggles to read the newspaper, but manages to find out about three young girls murdered in Bruges. Bone-chilling!
The next day, the couple having a romantic ride in a canal in Bruges, when they suddenly come upon a crime scene. It's the fourth young woman murdered in a week. A stranger tells Stefan that the girl was found with neck wound - but not a trace of blood! Stefan's interest in the crime scene causes him to violently push Valerie out of the way. On the way back to the hotel, she tells him that she's frightened by his behavior - then she snuggles up to him. We notice that the stranger from the crime scene is on the bus with them. Spooky.
Back at the hotel, it's raining, and Elizabeth is killing time by knitting. Ilona's bored already and wants to leave. Stefan and Val return and Elizabeth greets them and invites them for a drink. She has what appears to be a McDonald's Shamrock Shake, while they have regular drinks. Pierre the concierge  tells them that the Countess once stayed that the hotel over 40 years ago -and hasn't aged a bit! The late edition of the local newspaper features a cover photo of Stefan and Val at the crime scene. Alarming.

The guy from the crowd shows up at the hotel, he tells Elizabeth that he's "just passing by" - turns out he's a retired cop - and he rambles on about ghosts, vampires, etc.. Elizabeth declares that he's distasteful and dismisses him as Ilona dumps Elizabeth's green drink so Stefan will freshen it up for her. Eerie.

While Stefan searches for the bar, Elizabeth tells Valerie the story of her ancestor, the original Countess Elizabeth Báthory, who drank the blood of hundreds of virgins to stay young, then Stefan returns (drinkless?) and Elizabeth caresses him as they recount the historical horror story together. Val freaks out and storms out of the room, Ilona spies on her causing her to scream when she sees someone out on the balcony. Blood-curdling.

Next, Ilona is naked leaning over a bidet and Val is hysterical. Elizabeth offers her drugs to help her sleep - but Val just says no, she just wants to be alone with her husband. When Stef and Val start going at it we see red marks and we also see that Elizabeth and Ilona are watching them! Disturbing.

Next, Stefan finally calls his "mother" - who turns out to be an effeminate older man wearing make-up. "Mother" tells Stefan that it's "unrealistic' that he married a woman - Huh? Then Stef starts beating Valerie as a full-blown thunderstorm strikes the hotel. What a creep! They then wake up naked with him holding a belt, while she has strap marks on her back. Valerie wakes up and sneaks out - to the train station. But Elizabeth follows her to convince her to stay at the hotel and with Stefan. Weird.
Meanwhile, Ilona visits Stefan in his room - and then performs oral sex on him. Back at the train station, Elizabeth gives Valerie a palm reading that includes a kiss. At the hotel, Stefan tries to get Ilona to shower with him, but she doesn't like getting wet, causing her to freak out. While lashing about, she accidentally cuts her hand on his razor - and then falls on it, stabbing herself to death! Hair-raising.Elizabeth and Valerie walk in on Stefan naked on top of a bloody, naked Ilona. The Countess immediately takes charge and orders Valerie and Stefan around. They roll Ilona's dead body down a hill to the beach where Stefan digs a grave with his hands. Elizabeth, wearing a smart black cape, kick's the corpse into the grave, on top of Stefan! Thud!Driving back to the hotel, Elizabeth knocks the cop off his bicycle. Oops!Once back, Stefan sleeps alone while the gals get into some blonde-on-blonde action in Liz's suite. Val is now completely under her control. Oh My.

So, now it's Stefan who's packing his bags and leaving. He demands that Val come with him. Elizabeth shows up in her fabulous glitterball gown and insists that they join her for dinner in her room. Stefan then wigs out again and starts beating Valerie. Elizabeth tries to suffocate him with a punch bowl, which splits in two - cutting his wrists - and then they feed on his blood! Terrifying.

SPOLIER ALERT! After throwing Stefan's body from the hotel roof and into a swamp, they drive away in Elizabeth's vintage car. By dawn's early light, Val begins to lose control of the car, which crashes. Elizabeth's body is flung from the car and impaled on a tree branch, and then engulfed in flames. Uncanny.

A few months later, Valerie is shown hand-in-hand with a young newlywed couple...she's become Elizabeth. Menacing.

A great flick. Wonderful cinematography, gorgeous sets and a fantastic score help you overlook the plot holes (like who's "mother"?) and the sometimes wooden international acting. I'll give it a 10 outta 10 and highly recommend it to fans of horror, lesbians and old hotels.

NIGHT OF THE DEMON

Ever wonder what "Dana Andrews said prunes gave him the runes...and passing them used lots of skills" refers to in the song "Science Fiction Double Feature" from THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW? Or the lyric "Its in the trees! Its coming!" from Kate Bush's "Hounds of Love"? Well look no further than 1957's NIGHT OF THE DEMON. And, oh what a night it is!
Directed by Jacques Tourneur, it all starts with a shot of some famous big rocks with some cryptic mumbo jumbo about evil and witchcraft and "the runes". (Runes were letterforms used to write Germanic languages before and shortly after the Christianization of the British Isles).

After our credit sequence where we learn that Dana Andrews is our star, we see an unknown man (not Dana) driving down a long, dark wooded road - he stops at an opulent mansion called Lufford Hall - it looks very much like a University building. We learn that this man is Professor Henry Harrington (Maurice Denham) and he's here to see Dr. Julian Karswell (Niall MacGinnis). Karswell's butler lies to Harrington and tells him that the man of the manor is not at home. Karswell then appears and he and Harrington go back and forth about some study that the Professor has been working on. Apparently something sinister has been uncovered and the Professor is frightened for his life. Karswell he just wants privacy for himself and his dedicated followers. The situation goes unresolved and the Professor leaves and gets in his car and drives away. He parks in his garage, when suddenly a GIANT smoke ball appears in the sky. So what does he do? He gets back in his car and drives directly into a telephone pole. Then a GIANT DEMON attacks him!!!

Meanwhile, Dana Andrews is flying to London (we know this because he is trying to sleep on the plane with a newspaper covering his face. The newspaper headline reads something like "Professor Holden Flies to London". I swear!) Unable to sleep because some woman behind him is fiddling with her meal tray - he asks a stewardess for a mask - she suggests he pop some pills instead. Drug pusher!!! The meal tray woman asks if she can change her seat because she realizes that she's annoying Dana. Too late, we're already half-way there. Wonder if the woman has a newspaper that says "Annoying Woman Flies to London"?

Professor Harrington has sent a driver to pick up Dana at the airport, but Dana is assaulted by reporters who want to know WHY he's in England. (Apparently tomorrow's headlines will tell everyone). He tells them he's here to debunk myths about things like ghosts, hypnotism, demonology, zombies, witchcraft, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, etc.. We then learn that Harrington is dead - reports say he was electrocuted! No mention of the Demon. Hmmm...

Dana arrives at his hotel and is greeted by some British guy and two other visiting professors - who we will call Harold and Kumar. Harold tells us that's he been doing research into Karswell's Devil Cult - and specifically the case of a farmer named Hobart who was arrested for murder and placed in a home for the criminally insane. Huh? Kumar just stands around looking very un-Indian. Then they show Dana a drawing of a fire demon. Not sure who drew it. Harold's kid maybe? Then the phone rings - it's Dr. Karswell (How did he get the number?) - he tells Dana in no uncertain terms to rethink his planned expose - or else!
Next Dana goes to the British Museum - but it turns out that a 400 year old book that he wants to see is suddenly missing. Of course, Karswell shows up and declares that he OWNS a copy of that very same book, he then invites Dana to his place in the country for a visit. Wink, wink. Dana tells him he'll visit alright, but he's not gonna stop his "investigation". Karswell then knocks over a pile of papers that Dana is working on and slips in one of his business cards. Only there is cryptic note on the card, which disappears after Dana reads it! Spooky stuff!

Next we are at Professor Harrington's funeral - and guess who shows up? The annoying chick from the plane! Turns out she's Joann Harrington (Peggy Cummins), the late professor's nosy neice. She soon pays Dana a "visit" in his hotel room - with her uncle's diary. The diary contains Runic symbols and because of this she believes that the professor was killed by witchcraft!!! Or maybe he just drove into a telephone poll?

The next day, Dana and Joann pay Karswell a visit - during a magic show that Karswell is putting on for the local (devil worshipping?) kids. We learn that Halloween is only a few days away. Mother Karswell (Athene Seyler) is scooping out ice cream for the kids (and Joann) while her son and Dana discuss the powers of the mind. Did I mention that Karswell is in full clown makeup? Suddenly two creepy kids in Halloween masks jump out at them. Scared the crap outta me!

To show dense Dana that he means business, Karswell waves his hand and removes a protective shield from around his estate. Suddenly a violent windstorm begins, totally ruining the Halloween party. Then Karswell predicts that Dana will die in three days!!! He tells Dana to drop his investigation if he wants to live!!! Dana says no. Huh?

Meanwhile Joann gets kindly Mother K. to show her a book of Runic symbols - which is pretty and all - but it doesn't come with a translation key. Karswell chastises his mother and tells her that they live so well because of his "followers". Okay - where are these so-called followers???

Next Dana and Joann flirt about "causes and effects" i.e. "penises and vaginas". Then paranoid Dana suspects he's being followed - must have something to do with those loud footsteps we keep hearing, no? Later Dana whistles an Irish dirge for Harold and Kumar and waxes on about auto-suggestion and mass hysteria. These guys really know how to have fun!!! Dana tells the guys he's giving a speech on ESP - but they discover that his notes have been torn out of his notebook!!! So, he decides to meet up with Joann "for a drink". ;)

Dana discovers that Karswell passed him "the runes" on a piece of parchment when they met at the museum. Now Dana is cursed and doomed to die - if he only believed in such nonsense! So, since he's only got about 48 hours left he decides to visit the Hobart farm, where he's greeted by an angry English hillbilly with a shovel. Mrs. Hobart invites Dana in to talk - and the rest of the creepy white trash Hobart clan comes out of the woodwork. They all look like sideshow freaks and talk like Yoda. He begs Mrs. Hobart to sign a piece of paper which allows her murderous son to be released from the mental hospital so Dana can try to "help" him. The parchment then tries to escape from Dana's wallet and Mrs. Hobart declares "he has been chosen!"

Then Dana visits Stonehenge and sees that the writing on his parchment (it's like a big fortune-cookie fortune) matches the Runic hieroglyphics on the stone wall. So then he takes a taxi to meet Joann who's been hanging with Karswell's mother. I think Mother K. is giving Joann some special attention - if you know what I mean. Turns out Mother K. is having a seance and wants Dana and Joann to sit in. The medium is then taken over by a) an American Indian chief, b) a certain Mr. McGregor, c) a little girl who lost her doll and finally, d) Joann's uncle - who tells then that Karswell has a translation of the Runic book! Huh???

So, Joann drives Dana to Karswell's mansion after Mother K. tells him that her son is not home - so Dana climbs up a trellis into a open window! The room is filled with dusty antiques and crap covered in sheets. Do people actually cover things with sheets in real life, or only in old movies? We see a hand on the bannister - but wait I thought no one was home? Then we see a black cat! Good thing Dana is not superstitious! Then he finds the translation book - but the cat turns into a leopard and attacks him! Then Karswell appears along with his mother (How the hell did she get home and change into her nightgown so quickly?). Guess Karswell was home after all, thanks Mom. Feeling foolish, Dana decides to walk to his hotel - through the woods. He is followed by smoky footprints and a smoke cloud. Oh no...so he trips and falls and the smoke gets sucked back into the sky! Okay, what the fuck?

So, now it's 3AM and Dana and Joann (where the hell has SHE been?) are at the police station to report the mysterious smoke. The cops are like "what have they been smoking?" They think that Dana is "bewitched". Dana tells Joann that he walks under ladders, cross paths with black cats - he's made a career out of exposing phony superstitions. This pisses her off for some reason. I think she's wishing she was nestled warmly in Mother K's bosom eating ice cream instead of hanging around Debbie Downer Dana.

The next morning, crazy killer farmer Hobart has been released from the asylum. Mother K. calls Joann and bullshits to her about not knowing about her son being home. Yeah, right. She also tells her that someone else knows about the secret of the parchment. Whatever - hey Momma, have any more ice cream? Wanna stay in tonight and rent DESERT HEARTS?

It's now nighttime already - the night that Dana is supposed to die. Joann gets in her car, but she's not alone!!! Meanwhile, crazy killer farmer Hobart is brought in front of a small audience. They surmise that crazy killer farmer Hobart has lost all contact with reality - so they shoot him up with some drug which makes him totally freak out. Dana then hypnotizes him and puts him to sleep in a deep trance - then they give him a dose of (believe it or not) crystal methamphetamine!!!

It's clearly the night of the Demon - when Hobart declares "Its in the trees! Its coming!" and then tells Dana that the parchment was passed to him and he gave it back to the person who passed it to him (his brother), and that person died instead of him. Basically it's like playing "hot potato". Then Hobart freaks out and jumps out a window to his death - very REEFER MADNESS.

SPOILERS AHEAD: So, Dana then rushes to the train station to confront Karswell - jumping on a moving train - he finds Karswell, who has hypnotized and kidnapped Joann. Dana desperately tries to pass the runes back to Karswell, but the guy is just not having it. Eventually it does get passed - but it gets blown out of Karswell's pocket - so he chases the parchment onto the railroad tracks - where it catches fire!!! Suddenly at the same time, BOTH a train AND a demon are headed towards him. The train misses him, but the demon gets him. Dana goes to look at Karswell's dead body - but tells Joann "It's better not to know".
Oh. My. God. I LOVED this movie. Can't tell you what it's about or what it all means, but it's just so atmospheric and interesting that it doesn't matter. Dana Andrews is fun to watch and the rest of the cast as well, even bitchy Joann grows on you after a while. I give it a 10 outta 10. But I wanna know what "prunes" has to do with it all. FYI - there is another version (the US edit) of the film called CURSE OF THE DEMON which is 20 minutes sorter. It's worth seeking out this version to get the full effect.

PUFNSTUF

Based on the smash hit Saturday morning kiddie series, PUFNSTUF brought the trippy Sid & Marty Krofft creation to the big screen in 1970. Hollingsworth Morse, who directed the TV series (and later many episodes of THE DUKES OF HAZZARD) expanded on the formula of bright colors, fast edits, sped-up film, and LSD-inspired musical numbers that made the NBC series so successful. To appeal to parents and gay men, they added Mama Cass Elliott and Martha Raye to the cast. Yay!

This story begins with Jimmy (played by Jack Wild of OLIVER! fame), a young English runaway, frolicking near the edge of a river with his flute. Suddenly the flute comes to life and begins talking - naming itself "Freddie". It also transforms into gold and grows diamonds on it's um, shaft. Jimmy them hops aboard a beautiful magic talking boat that wants to take him out to sea. Of course, Jimmy decides to take "the trip"...not a drug reference in any way, shape or form.

We learn that this boat actually belongs to Witchiepoo (Billie Hayes - giving her performance 1000%), who then turns the pretty boat into a dark, evil boat (i.e. a "bad trip") that traps Jimmy! Jimmy somehow manages to escape from the boat and is aided by a magical talking dragon named Pufnstuf (sounding here like Huckleberry Hound) and two "cops" named Cling & Clang (don't ask). Jimmy ends up on the shores of Living island - where everything is alive!

We soon discover that Witchiepoo is after Freddie the Flute to impress Boss Witch (Raye) and her friend Witch Hazel (Cass) - who are coming to visit for an annual witches' convention! What follows are actually some terrific musical numbers- the best being the anthemic "Different" by Mama Cass and "Zap the World" (which sounds amazingly like the WONDER WOMAN theme song, also written by Charles Fox). Oh - there's also a scene with Jimmy in drag. Very, very disturbing. For that alone I give it 9 out of 10 "Huhs?".

Overall, not a great film for today's kids (who would not have a clue who or what Pufnstuf is), but if you grew up watching the TV show, this is certainly a curiosity worth checking out. I was actually not a big fan of the show - something about the mix of real people and oversize puppets interacting always freaked me out. I preferred my weekly Krofft dosage in human form like ELECTRA WOMAN & DYNA GIRL and DR SHRINKER, thank you. Also, I was never really sure what Pufnstuf was supposed to be - he looked more like Mayor McCheese than any dragon I ever saw. I also had it in my head that the show wasn't made in Hollywood - but in some strange European country where things weren't quite right.

Exhibit A: Do these this theme song lyrics make ANY sense? "H.R. Pufnstuf, Who's your friend when things get rough?
H.R. Pufnstuf Can't do a little cause he can't do enough." I rest my case.

On a side note, any true Cass Elliot fan should seek out this movie, since it was her only big-screen appearance. One wonders what would her career had been like if she didn't die so tragically young? Would she have made more films? Would she have become what Bette Midler eventually became? Would she have attracted legions of gay fans and made Disney films? Would she have hosted her own Sid & Marty Krofft variety series? Would she have played Mama Rose on Broadway? Or would PUFNSTUF become the high point in her post-Mamas & the Papas career? Sadly, the world will never know...

HBO's MR. SHOW did an excellent parody of the Pufnstuf called "The Altered State Of Druggachusetts". You can watch it here.