CRAZY MAMA

For our third cult classic "Mama" film (and vintage review from 2007), we've got Jonathan Demme's CRAZY MAMA (1975). An all-star cast brings this BONNIE & CLYDE wannabe to life, sort of. It's PG rating is a foreshadowing of what we are in for.

The backstory is that in the early 1930s, a family farm in Arkansas is taken over by law enforcement, killing the farmer, leaving his wife Sheba (Ann Sothern) and daughter Melba (Cloris Leachman) fleeing the state. They wind up years later running a beauty salon in California. They still not have recovered from losing the farm and Papa.

Soon "Mr. Howell" (Jim Backus) shows up and repossesses all of their belongings. They've out of luck, out of money and Melba's teenage daughter Cheryl (Linda Purl) is knocked up by "Ralph Malph" (Don Most). What else can go possibly go wrong? Well, then they decide to head back to Arkansas and reclaim the farmland that should be theirs! Wonder if they'll ever get there?

So they steal Mr. Howell's car, rob a gas station and head to Arkansas via Las Vegas!. While in Vegas, Sheba picks up a new friend named Bertha, and Cheryl picks up a second boyfriend, a biker named Snake. Not to be left out, Melba wins the heart of married Texas sheriff Jim Bob (Stuart Whitman). This is starting to feel like BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS all over again. Except without the whores.

Despite being married to Ella Mae (Sally Kirkland), Jim Bob also marries Melba while Snake and Ralph Malph rob the chapel. Somehow Cheryl's two boyfriends have become friends and partners-in-crime. Why all three even share a bed! But there's NOTHING dirty going on. What follows is a silly crime spree with stunts like Sheba pretending to faint in a grocery store, in order to grab the cash. More heists, car chases and scams ensue.

The big money-making scheme involves "kidnapping" Jim Bob and holding him hostage, for a ransom that they will all split. Of course things don't go as smoothly as planned and somebody ends up dead. Somewhere during all these shenanigans, Cloris (Oscar, Emmy, and Golden Globe Award winner) wears a see-thru top without a bra. It feels highly disturbing to see Phyllis Lindstrom's nipple. Betty White would never show us her nipple, would she? Hey, I thought this was rated PG! I guess Cloris has a family-friendly nipple.

This film wasn't BAD enough to be BAD, And it wasn't GOOD enough to be GOOD. It wasn't funny enough to be a comedy and it wasn't serious enough to be a crime drama. While the acting was good and the cinematography superb, I was expecting the film to overall be much more FUN - instead it turned out to be a big, crazy bore. Maybe if it was rated R, there would be more sex, more realistic violence and a more spicy script. Instead, we have basically an episode of BEVERLY HILLBILLIES with a nipple.

For those of you who watch those PBS "1950's oldtime rock n roll reunion pledge break specials", the soundtrack might be appealing to you. I found it wretched. I give the film 4 out of 10, because my only "Huh?" had to do with the previously mentioned nipple. Let's hope BLOODY MAMA with Shelley Winters is better - or at least has less nipple!

Trashy Old Magazines: Behind the Scene

I wanna read about Bing and the amateur stipteasers!

HOLY MISMATRIMONY! EMERGENCY 'NO ON 8' FUNDRAISER

Come Out and Join Us This Thursday September 23 at 8PM for a Special "No On Prop 8" Edition of THE MISMATCH GAME!!!

Laugh along as we send-up the classic TV game show and raise $$$ to combat the evil forces that want to make gay marriage illegal in California. Basically - they want to take away a right that we ALREADY HAVE! WTF? Can't these people deal with their own fucked-up lives and leave us alone? There's sure to be some timely politically charged humor as well questions about the latest celebrity bullshit. Madonna's divorce, anyone?

Hosted by DENNIS HENSLEY with an All-Star Cast including...
TED BIASELLI as Miss Piggy
DREW DROEGE as Karen Black
JOHN CARROZZA as Greg Evigan
MADELINE LONG as Shelley Winters
TOM LENK as Heidi Klum
NADYA GINSBURG as Cher
SAM PANCAKE as Lisa Whelchel
JACK PLOTNICK as Evie Harris
FELIX PIRE as Ricardo Montalban

DOUGSPLOITATION (that's me!) will also be there working the line and recruiting contestants! YOU can play on stage with the stars - and win fabulous prizes! There may be other special guests and surprises as well!

ONE NIGHT ONLY!
Thursday, October 23 at 8pm
at the Renberg Theatre
1125 N. McCadden Place, Hollywood, USA
(one block east of Highland, just north of Santa Monica Blvd.)

All proceeds go to benefit the ‘NO on 8’ Campaign to help secure Marriage Equality in California.

Tickets $25
Call 323-860-7300 or Buy tickets ONLINE at: www.lagaycenter.org/boxoffice

For clips and more, visit myspace

Get ready to match the stars...

THE MATCH GAME is a "definitive" TV classic. I remember many afternoons (when I had outgrown cartoons) sitting in front of of the "boob" tube watching adults like Nipsey Russell, Bart Braverman, Brett Somers, Fannie Flagg, Dick Gautier, Betty White, Patty Deutsch, Joyce Bulifant, Elaine Joyce, Marcia Wallace, Richard Dawson and Eva Gabor play the silliest, most naughty, childlike game on television. And you know what? I laughed my BLANK off then...and I still do today when I watch the timeless and endless reruns on GSN.

I also remember owning the not-as-cool-as-you-think home game. Those folks at Milton-Bradley really knew how to take a fun game show and turn into a BLANK-ing dull board game.

But did you ever wonder what it would be like it today's "stars" like Heidi Klum, Madonna, Chloe Sevigny and Tim Gunn appeared on the panel along with deceased showbiz greats like Paul Lynde, Charles Nelson Reilly, Shelley Winters and Herve Villachaize?

Well wonder no more! Also throw in fun 70s and 80s celebrities like Cher, Charo, Patty Duke, Ricardo Montalban, Lisa Welchel, Miss Piggy and Greg Evigan and there you have...the legendary L.A. sensation...THE MISMATCH GAME with your host Dennis Hensley!


See the parody/homage that has been making studio auidiences lose their BLANK for years - It's the filthiest, funniest, most un-PC game show ever and it's LIVE on stage this weekend! FRIDAY, AUGUST 8 - 8 PM • SATURDAY, AUGUST 9 - 8 PM
 • SUNDAY, AUGUST 10 - 7 PM

Where: The Renberg Theatre • 1125 N. McCadden Place, Hollywood, USA
(One block east of Highland, just north of Santa Monica Blvd.)

Tickets $15 • Call 323-860-7300
or buy tickets online!

SCHEDULED TO APPEAR:


• FRIDAY, AUGUST 8 - 8 PM
 Jack Plotnick as Paul Lynde; Oscar Quintero as Charo; Tony Tripoli as Charles Nelson Reilly; Kate Flannery as Patty Duke; Felix Pire as Ricardo Montalban; Madeline Long as Shelley Winters


• SATURDAY, AUGUST 9 - 8 PM
 Tom Lenk as Heidi Klum; Sam Pancake as Lisa Whelchel; Tony Tripoli as Charles Nelson Reilly; Nadya Ginsburg as Cher; Danny Casillas as Herve Villechaize; Madeline Long as Shelley Winters


• SUNDAY, AUGUST 10 - 7 PM
 Drew Droege as Chloe Sevigny; Ted Biaselli as Miss Piggy; Tony Tripoli as Charles Nelson Reilly; Nadya Ginsburg as Madonna; Patrick Bristow as Tim Gunn; Madeline Long as Shelley Winters



Oh yeah - and audience members can be contestants...and win real prizes!

For clips and more, visit myspace

The "Huh?" Hall of Fame

As other blogs announce their year-end lists - The Best of 2007, The Worst of 2007, The Same as Other People's Lists 2007, etc. - I've decided to end the year with "The "Huh?" Hall of Fame" dedicated to individuals (or perhaps groups) who have achieved fame and/or acclaim despite their continued involvement in films, TV shows and other entertainment enterprises that make me go "Huh?".

In no particular order I will unveil my choices over the next few weeks in between a steady flow of movie reviews. Check back soon (and often) for the ten lucky winners!

HOW AWFUL ABOUT ALLAN

Joan Crawford, Bette Davis, Olivia DeHavilland, Shelley Winters, Agnes Moorehead, Tallulah Bankhead, Geraldine Page, Ruth Gordon - these were the women of Grand Guignol - macabre cinematic tales of subtle terror and sudden shocks starring faded Hollywood stars who were ripe for a comeback vehicle. But what if a man starred as the victims in one of these twisted tales?

That would bring us to Anthony Perkins starring in HOW AWFUL ABOUT ALLAN, directed by Curtis Harrington ( also WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HELEN? and WHOEVER SLEW AUNTIE ROO?) and produced by Aaron Spelling for the ABC MOVIE OF THE WEEK.

Perkins plays Allan, who has been blinded in a fire that killed his brilliant father and left his sister Katherine (Julie Harris) disfigured. Allan is in a hospital and declares that he doesn't want to see anyone. Has he forgotten about his blindness? After 8 months, he's released from the hospital and goes home to live with Katherine, who wears a big pink plastic patch over her burn scar. She tells Allan that she has been renting out rooms to students to help pay the bills. She has closed off the room where Daddy got cooked. Allan begins recording a diary about all the fun he's having since his return home. He seems to spend most of his time drinking coffee and modeling pajamas for his ex fiancee Olive (Joan Hackett from THE LAST OF SHEILA - dressing like Eliza Doolittle here).

Allan's sight still isn't perfect (he sees things as if he were looking through a bumpy piece of frosted glass) and the new whispering "roomer" Harold Dennis makes him as uncomfortable as the wallpaper in the house makes us. I've decide to nickname this film I HEARD A ROOMER.

Allan decides to find out more about this college student, so STILL PARTIALLY BLINDED, he gets behind the wheel of his car and drives to the nearby campus, causing a few accidents. Back home, Allan figures out that the student isn't real , but maybe he's Katherine's lover Eric Walters! Lots creepy shadows appear inside the house (ghosts?) and then Allan cuts his hand on a carving knife. Olive the ex comes to his rescue.

Later, there is a storm and blind Allan winds up outside in the rain - and pinned under a downed tree. We now flashback to his childhood and witness the abuse and torment foisted upon him by his father and sister! What a couple of evil bastards those two are!

The whole thing leads to a climax that is a homage to PSYCHO - right down to the swinging light fixture -and the killer and his/her motives are revealed. Shocking! Not.

ALLAN is fun little footnote that is worth watching (if you can find it). It probably would have been a lot more fun with a old woman in the lead role, but I guess Aaron Spelling hadn't hooked up with Joan Collins yet. I'll give it 7 out 10 "Huhs?"

POOR PRETTY EDDIE

I came across another forgotten "gem" this weekend.

Released on DVD by a no-name distribtor with no end credits 1975's POOR PRETTY EDDIE {aka POOR PRETTY EDDY aka HEARTBREAK MOTEL aka BLACK VENGEANCE(!) aka REDNECK COUNTY RAPE (!!!)} is what you would call a total mindfuck.

Imagine Tony-award winning singer Leslie Uggams, the great Oscar-winning Shelley Winters, TV"s ghoulish Ted Cassidy (THE ADDAMS FAMILY'S Lurch) and countrified oddity Slim Pickens - plus unknown Michael Christian as a demented Elvis wanabee named Eddie in a fucked-up story of rape, rivalry and revenge - all set in a backwards Bizarro Earth version of Harper Valley.

The film opens with "jazz singer" Liz Wetherly (Uggams) belting the Star-Spangled Banner at a sporting-event (I guess the producers didn't have to pay royalties on it. She also sings that old chestnut "Happy Birthday" later in the film) - before she sets out on a fateful car trip that leads her to an encounter with "Poor Pretty Eddie" when her car breaks down.

Shelley's character Bertha is an older, overweight, drunken showbiz hasbeen who is Eddie's current lover, but Eddie wants Liz. (Despite the fact that she just wants her car fixed immediately AND is super rude to everyone she encounters). Well, things go from bad to worse for poor Liz as Eddie forces himself on her repeatedly - and things go from worse to even worser for us the viewers as the initial rape scene is edited together with footage of two dogs fucking while a crappy country music tune plays over the soundtrack. Yikes!

Racist comments fly from the mouths of various characters as Liz is forced to take the stand in a mock trial where she refuses to show the "jury" bitemarks on her "titties". It's blaxploitation, sexploitation, hicksploitation, dogsploitation and pretty much any other "ploitation" you can think of. But it's still very watchable, if only to see how low some Hollywood celebrities will go for some camera time and a paycheck. At least we hope they got paid!!! Suffice to say everything winds up at a "shotgun wedding"...and very few people survive. Directed by Chris Robinson (he played Jason Frame on ANOTHER WORLD) and David Worth. Perfect score: 10 outta 10 "huhs".