The Brady Bunch Variety Hour

Here's a blast from the past...

I'm a Brady buff from way back. I watched every version of the show RELIGIOUSLY. From the original run of the show on ABC Friday nights to the terrible BRADYS GO TO THE WHITE HOUSE TV-movie on Fox - if it had BRADY in the title, you can bet that I'd be there watching.

Somewhere in between Filmation's BRADY KIDS cartoon and the underrated BRADY BRIDES there was a little blip in the Bradyverse called THE BRADY BUNCH VARIETY HOUR. This surreal Sid and Marty Krofft concoction from 1976-77 was a glittering dream come true for this Brady fan - it had everything I loved about TV at the time. Bradys! Tight pants! Musical numbers! Synchronized swimming! Guest stars! Fake Jan!

Yes, that's right, Fake Jan - Ms. Geri Reischl, who sang and danced her little heart out trying to make us forget about Eve Plumb. Geri almost did, and paved the way for Fake Cindy (Jennifer Runyon) and Fake Marcia (Leah Ayers) in later reunion shows.

I recently had to opportunity to watch a 45-minute compilation of episodes that a co-worker at Warner Bros. had converted to DVD. This "best of" tape features everything that so great and horrible about the VARIETY HOUR all in one place. It features highlights (and lowlights) from the original special plus the 8 subsequent episodes.

About a week after I watched this amazing DVD, I got an mind-blowing book, LOVE TO LOVE YOU BRADYS as a gift. This book details everything you would EVER want to know about the BRADY BUNCH VARIETY HOUR. Written by cast member Susan Olsen (Cindy) and co-author Ted Nichelson, this tome is a must-have for any serious Brady lover.

Behind-the-scenes dirt includes how musical theater veteran Florence Henderson (Mrs. Brady) took the show VERY seriously, how Barry Williams (Greg) thought he was going to be the star of the show, and how high on cocaine Maureen McCormick (Marcia, Marcia, Marcia) was during many of the tapings!

Other great stories include how they hid Robert Reed's lack of musical-comedy talent and how "special guest star" and devout Christian Ann B. Davis (Alice the maid) blatantly ignored her gay co-star Rip Taylor the minute when the camera wasn't rolling.

Ironically, a week after I got the book, another friend lent me a copy of the same compilation tape and I recently re-waatched it with other friends. It just gets better and better.

Sure, the show made no sense in the Brady universe - why on Earth would an architect and his family host a variety show???

It was named the worst variety show in the history of television in the book BAD TV, by Craig Nelson and TV GUIDE once crowned it the 4th Worst Show of All-time, but that just makes me love it and the Bradys even more. In addition to the book, check out this groovy website.

More MAN FROM ATLANTIS

Yesterday I blogged about MAN FROM ATLANTIS - the TV series. Now let's take a look at some cool Mark Harris ephemera.

I believe this psychedelic key art is from the VHS release of the TV-movie pilot. What the hell is wrong with his eye?

This is the cover of a British annual. Notice how the mysterious Mr. Schubert is looking at Mark!

Here's a Tiger Beat Magazine profile of dashing young heartthrob Patrick Duffy! "Here He Is!"

"The Man Who Makes THE MAN FROM ATLANTIS Live". A bit hyperbolic?

 

Here's a gallery of underwater pulchritude courtesy of the Marvel Comics Group.

 

A couple of more slabs of beefcake from the Might Marvel Bullpen.

Interesting how Mark only has nipples some of the time. I guess it depends on how cold the water is?
 
Here's an in-house trade ad ("Mighty Marvel Does It--AGAIN!") and a cast pin-up by future PUNISHER artist Mike Zeck. I think there's a hint of nip there.

And finally - here's a print ad for a Dip Dots Painting Design Book. I guess you could paint your own nipples on Mark using the pink paint. Or not. Well, that's all the crap I have on MAN FROM ATLANTIS, probably more than you ever thought you'd want to see, eh? I'm just waiting for some studio to announce a MAN FROM ATLANTIS feature film. Who would YOU cast as Mark Harris?

MAN FROM ATLANTIS

MAN FROM ATLANTIS was one of those childhood memories that I thought I would never get a chance to relive. Now, thanks to the like-minded individuals who run The Warner Archive Collection, the adventures of Mark Harris are back to thrill a new generation of underwater adventure fans!

The dvd release of the original 1977 pilot has now been followed by the release of the TV-movie collection and the entire series - truly a dream come true for anyone who remembers this show from it's initial NBC run.

The original pilot aired in 1977 up against SONNY & CHER on CBS and THE BRADY BUNCH VARIETY HOUR on ABC. Talk about your proverbial "Sophie's Choice!" What was a gay 13 year old boy to do??? Especially since VHS and DVR had yet to be invented!

 

I opted to watch MAN FROM ATLANTIS, because it was the closest thing to Aquaman or Sub-Mariner that I would probably ever see on network TV and I could always catch those dumb old variety shows in reruns. Smart thinking!

 

I remember sitting on our plastic-covered living room couch, Mego Aquaman by my side as the opening tiles began.

 

Pretty soon we were introduced to young Patrick Duffy (a very youthful 32 years old) as an amesia victim who washes up on the shore all blue and covered in seaweed. When doctors try to save his life to no avail, brazen young Dr. Elizabeth Merrill (played by Belinda J. Montgomery) steps in realizes what this dude needs is to be thrown back in the water. Before you know it, he begins to heal and Doc Merill nurses him back to health.

The Foundation for Ocean Research decide to call him "Mark Harris" through tests they determine that he has special abilities, such as super strength, the ability to breathe under water and to leap from the water into the air. Basically, they notice his physiogamy is similar to that of a dolphin, so they begin to treat him like one! 

See how this scene is faithfully recreated in the Marvel Comics' adaptation...

Dr. Merrill takes a liking to Mark, even though he can't communicate with her. He does hang on her every word and stare deeply into her eyes with his colorful contact lenses.

The Foundation begins to have secret meetings about Mark and how he can be useful to them.

 

They determine that he can do all their dirty work and since he can't talk back, they'll be very little resistance. He does resist at first, and even escapes, but the good Doc knows just how to reach out to him.

He shares a tender moments with Doc Merrill. Oh by the way, he's got webbed feet and hands! Only his nails are a bit manky. Paging Madge and her Palmolive! Pretty soon we find out that Mark is super-intelligent and speaks English. But he lacks human emotion, you might say he's bit of a "cold fish".

So Mark begins helping out the Foundation and swimming in his tank wearing his skimpy yellow shorts. In fact the camera lingers on his tight little bathing suit quite a bit. Little does he know he's being watched...and not just by gay 13-year old boys (33 years later) but by the villainous Mr. Schubert (played by the immense Victor Buono), who hopes to use Mark for his own evil schemes!

You see, Schubert has a cult of very schlubby people working for him, even a lady who looks like Vivian Vance!

All of Schubert's people wear the same costume. Oh, except for this one guy. Didn't he get the memo?

Well after a lot of boring underwater bullshit concerning bombs and whatnot, Schubert finally tells Mark that he just wants to be "his friend."

His special friend?

\

Mark ponders the friendship as he stands there dripping in his tighty yellows.

As Schubert (and the viewers) ponder Mark's buns.

Some crazy shit happens, things blow up, water fills Schubert's secret lair and people drown. Then Mark is given a secret identity...as Stephen Colbert!

After his heroic deeds, Mark is given the opportunity to leave and search for his people.

But it turns out he can't say goodbye to Elizabeth...and thus we have the premise for the weekly series.

And the series of novels...

And the monthly comic book...

And so the saga of the MAN FROM ATLANTIS begins...and I'll be back tomorrow with more Mark Harris and Patrick Duffy goodies. Now eat your kelp!

KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS

After day of gardening, I've determined my backyard is KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS!

KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS (1977, directed by John Cardos) is an itch-inducing 1970s cult classic that is available on DVD via our friends over at Shout! Factory. The Special Edition DVD includes an new interview with star William Shatner; an in-depth commentary; rare behind-the-scenes footage; awesome and skin-crawlingly informative featurette Jim Brockett: Spider Wrangler and other cool stuff.

Now on to my review. In the tradition of THE BIRDS and JAWS, this film is a prime example of the popular "nature goes crazy" subgenre from the late 1970s. Other fine examples include favorites like GRIZZLY, PIRANHA and CRUISING.

Shatner, the consummate actor stars here as Robert "Rack" Hansen, a tight-jean and cowboy hat-wearing male chauvinist pig (and veterinarian) in some sleepy desert town in Arizona.
The mayhem starts when "Rack" gets a call from old man Colby (former football player Woody Strode) to tend to his sick calf.

After rushing the poor mouth-foaming calf to Hansen's lab, it mercifully dies. "Rack" is puzzled by this sudden and deadly illness, so he sends off some blood samples and calls it a day.
Enter Diane Ashley (Tiffany Bolling), a no-nonsense pantyhose wearing broad (and smarty-pants scientist) who quickly determines that spider venom is the culprit. And then she handles some some big hairy tarantulas...yikes! "Rack" our local sexist, egotistical, lying hypocritical bigot thinks Ashley is full of bull, but accompanies her anyway to Colby's farm to investigate. They are greeted by Colby's 'do-rag wearing wife Birch (ladies and gentleman introducing Altovise Davis, wife of Sammy) who informs the duo that their dog has died too! Ashley determines whatever bit the calf also bit the dog! "Rack" still thinks she's full of it.

Old man Colby then tells the mismatched couple that, oh yeah, he recently discovered a spider hill on his property - and we soon see it's not just your average run-of-the-mill spider hill - this thing is swarming with mother-fucking tarantulas! Ashley reveals that these spiders are attacking animals because pesticides have killed off all the bugs they usually feed on. "Rack" is starting to believe her and their attraction to each other is growing faster than a mob of tarantulas.

Back at the farm, a stampeding bull is covered with the giant spiders. Wait...if the livestock is now spider food - could humans be next? In a mad rage Colby and the gang set fire to the spider hill thinking that it will solve the problem - not knowing the entire community is soon to be infested with a horde of killer arachnids!!! The next day, after bidding his wife Birch goodbye (and leaving her with his gun), poor Colby drives his old pickup truck over a ledge when the eight-legged bastards begin to attack him. Sheriff Smith (David McLean) and "Rack" soon show up and find the old farmer's body in a cocoon of spider webs!

Back at the farm, the town's mayor orders that the property be sprayed with a stronger pesticide - because they have the big County Fair to worry about. Ashley can see that this douche is more concerned with making money from tourism than with dealing with what is clearly a very serious problem like the invasion of giant, hairy and deadly spiders.
Unfortunately the crop duster pilot is attacked by suicide-bomber tarantulas, and crashes his plane before he can spray the area, setting off a giant explosion that may have killed at least a few of the spiders. I think most of the budget must have been spent on this scene. What follows is my favorite scene in the whole movie. The newly-widowed Birch is alone in the farmhouse when the spiders attack–and of course she reaches for her late husband's weapon to fend them off.

So she points the gun at a spider that is crawling ON HER OWN HAND and SHOOTS!

Bye bye Altovise, see ya at the Sahara! Meanwhile Rack's flirty widowed sister-in-law (played by Marcy Lafferty, Shatner's wife) is alone on her ranch with her young daughter. Well, not alone–if you count the hundreds of spiders that attack her!
"Rack" is able to rescue his niece Linda from the spiders, sweeping her off to local Emma Washburn's lesbian lodge for safekeeping. The remaining residents of town have now barricaded themselves inside the lodge to protect themselves from the onslaught of the spiders - who are now friggin' everywhere! Chaos has broken out in the town and Sheriff Smith tries to escape, but is killed when the town's water tower collapses, smashing his car.

Things only get worse from here and I really don't want to spoil it for anyone. I have to say that despite being a vegan, I am not a fan of spiders. In fact, I have killed many a black widow on my property. (Picture me on my back porch with a shotgun yelling "get off my property you eight-legged freaks!"). Just thinking about them makes my skin crawl. But, the most fun part of watching this flick is to see actors and extras running around with REAL live spiders crawling all over them.

There's plenty of hammy acting, crazy scenes of Shatner treating women badly, an annoying little girl in peril and people covered in spider webs. I give this one a big 9 outta 10 and I think you will too.