EASTER IS...

One of my many childhood obsessions was oddly enough Lutheran Television. Growing up Catholic, it seemed like our Protestant friends had better choices when it came to TV productions. They had the terrifically soapy THIS IS THE LIFE, we had SUNDAY MASS. They had the claymation duo of DAVEY & GOLIATH, we had SUNDAY MASS FOR SHUT-INS. They had EASTER IS... and we had EASTER SUNDAY MASS.

 EASTER IS...was an animated special about a boy and his dog from the early 1970s that was a sequel to CHRISTMAS IS... (which I also loved and will be covering in December). I recently found both these Lutheran TV classics unwrapped on VHS at a gay thrift shop in Palm Springs! It's an Easter miracle!

 Actress/singer/game show icon Leslie Uggams lent her talents to the production, a few years before her appearance in the disturbing exploitation film POOR PRETTY EDDIE, which also involved a dog.

 Our story focuses on Benjy, a young boy and his poor sense of what it means to be a good pet owner. His sheepdog Waldo wanders around the neighborhood without a leash, gets attacked by bees and is left sitting on the bus stop waiting for Benjy to come home from school. Probably doesn't get his shots either.

 At school, Easter season is in full swing - and everyone knows what that means : girls dressed as pink bunnies while boys point at them, colored eggs and baskets full of candy.

 Benjy's teacher (Leslie) tells the class that they are going to be competing against the other classes in an Easter decorating contest. Think of it as PROJECT: RUNWAY with lots of pastels.

 The teacher assigns Benjy the most important task of designing the poster for the classroom door. She doesn't want it to look like crap, so he's gotta really work hard on this. I mean real hard.

 As his hippie Jesus poster looks over him, Benjy begins to toil away night after night on his Easter poster, ignoring Waldo and becoming more and more obsessed with conveying the true meaning of Easter.

 The following day, Benjy scolds Waldo for being too co-dependant and the poor dog wanders off in a state of distress, only to be attacked by a magical (yes, I said magical) Siamese cat on loan from LADY & THE TRAMP.

 Waldo ends up spending the night on the streets, in a dump, and drinking polluted water.

 Meanwhile Benjy's ignorant parents think that all the boy needs to do is put food outside and Waldo will turn up.
They don't even offer to drive around and look for the dog. Out of sight, out of mind. I really want to smack these two smug assholes.

 Benjy prays to God to bring Waldo home. Maybe he should have thought about getting Waldo a leash and harness at some point and treated him better?

 But God doesn't listen - and Waldo ends up getting captured by a red-headed brat. It's always a red-head. Even Lex Luthor was ginger before he lost his hair.

 Red decides to hold Waldo hostage, thinking that his owner actually cared about him.

 Benjy is told that he needs to come up with FIVE DOLLARS in ransom otherwise he'll never see Waldo again. Great orange phone by the way.

 Rather than going to his stupid parents for help, Benjy decides to steal $3.05 out of the family piggy bank. Luckily his African-American friend is around to help him.

 Benjy and his friend confront the read-headed kidnapper, but its too late-Waldo was attacked by rats during the night and escaped Red's garage...leaving behind a trail of blood!!!

 Oh Hippie Jesus - what is Benjy going to do? What will become of poor neglected Waldo? Where did you get that awesome vest? PROJECT: RUNWAY, perhaps?

 Well, the next day Benjy's dumb-ass parents convince him to go to church for Easter - and Waldo just shows up. All dirty, but not bleeding. The two are happily reunited and all is forgiven. Did Benjy learn his lesson? Did he learn anything at all? I really don't think so.

 Benjy's stoned Sunday school teacher lets him bring Waldo into the classroom. "Like, that dog is so intense!"

 The creepy Sunday School students listen as Benjy and the teacher tell the miracle of Waldo's Christ-like return.

 The next day at Albrecht PUBLIC SCHOOL. (I typed it in all caps for a reason).

 Tim Gunn shows up to judge the Easter-decorating contest - and guess who's class wins?

Turns out that Benjy's Hippie Jesus collage is just what a PUBLIC SCHOOL wants hanging on a classroom door! I guess maybe Tim Gunn thought it was the Brawny Man or some other hunky dude and not Jesus. Well that's where Benhy's story ends...but actually I have a confession...

When this show aired in the 1970s, I loved it so much I mailed away for an EASTER IS...Hippie Jesus poster, which I proudly displayed on my closet door for years, until it was replaced by Lynda Carter. Amen!

The Sentinel

Here's a repost from 2009...

By the late 1970s, it seemed like each major studio had its own classy horror franchise. Warners had THE EXORCIST, Fox had THE OMEN, even Disney had its WITCH MOUNTAIN series.  Not to be outdone, Universal brought us 1977's THE SENTINEL (directed by food critic Michael Winner- it's true, look it up!), based on the novel by Jeffrey Konvitz .  Like many thrillers of the decade, the story starts in a faraway land where some kind of religious curse is established and then the action shifts to modern-day USA where innocent victims fall prey to the ancient evil. At its heart, THE SENTINEL is really a cautionary tale of a beautiful, but troubled young supermodel who gets in with the wrong crowd.  Kinda like MAHOGANY meets ROSEMARY'S BABY.Christina Raines is Alison Parker, a flat-chested cover girl who is about to sign a lease on her first apartment, in an elegant Brooklyn brownstone. Her real estate agent is played by the then-still-glamourous Hollywood legend Ava Gardner–in a performance that has subliminally inspired many a drag queen. We learn that Alison is recently out of the looney bin and is engaged to a slick young lawyer named Michael (Chris Sarandon) who only wears Sansabelt slacks and who is a recent widower. Alison's problems seem to stem from her walking in on her decrepit father while he was celebrating his birthday with lots of balloons, two overweight hookers and some really messy cake. Her reaction to this: she slit her wrists! Alison's new $400 a month apartment comes already furnished, and aside from the blind priest (John Carradine) who lives in the penthouse - all seems quite normal. She is welcomed into the building by an elderly bon vivant (Burgess Meredith- having a ball with the role) and his pets which I dubbed "Sylvester and Tweety".  We next meet a wacky lesbian couple played by the great Sylvia Miles and Beverly D'Angelo. Bev's character does not speak, but she does likes to masturbate to orgasm through her clothes right in front of Alison.  Yup. Charming! The rest of the tenants are quite an odd bunch, but they seem nice enough, especially when they throw a lavish cocktail party to welcome her and her cameltoe.Things take a turn towards the creepy when Alison is awakened by noises coming from the apartment above - and a swinging chandelier above her bed. The apartment above her is supposed to be abandoned!!! When she tells Ava about the disturbances, she finds out that no one lives in the building besides her and the old priest on the top floor! Spooky. Plagued by headaches and fainting spells, Alison's modeling career begins to suffer - but yet she refuses to leave the building, which is clearly haunted by the cast of THE WILD PARTY. Worried about her mental health, her fiancée Michael hires a private eye to look out for her. One night Alison dreams that Sylvester finally gets his paws on that little yellow canary. Awwww.

(Artwork by James and Harry Cauty) 

Alison then is suddenly attacked by a zombie who looks like her dead father - so she goes at him with a knife. Later, the body of the private eye shows up dead with multiple stab wounds. Ouch! At a party with real people (as opposed to the friendly ghosts in her building) she has another of her headaches and passes out. Meanwhile, Michael learns that the apartment building, owned by the Catholic church, was built over the gateway to hell!!! Apparently the blind priest is the night watchman who keeps all the demons at bay - and Alison is next in line to BE the Sentinel!

We also learn that all Alison's ghostly friends are actually dead murderers who are trying to escape from hell and that sweet, kindly Burgess Meredith is Satan incarnate.This leads to the real disturbing part of the film, coming at the climax when the gates to hell are opened and Alison's apartment is filled with demons, lesbians and deformed people (played by real life ‘circus freaks’) that creep towards our heroine in hopes that she'll commit suicide, therefore releasing them from hell forever. 

While I think Christina Raines is gorgeous, her acting is a bit wooden and I would have loved to see the first choice, Kate Jackson in the lead role. Chris Sarandon is perfect as Michael. Along the way some great, reliable actors get to chew the scenery: Martin Balsam as a professor, Jose Ferrer as a priest, Arthur Kennedy as the Monsignor, Eli Wallach and Christopher Walken as cops, Jerry Orbach (looking like a young Adolph Hitler) as a commercial director and Jeff Goldblum as a smarmy fashion photographer.

While not a classic, fans of big, gothic 70s horror films should check it out. On my old "Huh" scale - THE SENTINEL gets a big fat 9 outta 10 for Beverly D'Angelo's ridiculously over-the-top and surprisingly graphic masturbation scene alone which I've dubbed THE DaCUCHI CODE!  I'll leave you with this image...Boo!

CHANGE OF HABIT

Here's a rerun of a post from 2009, celebrating my first viewing of CHANGE OF HABIT!

CHANGE OF HABIT (1969, directed by William Graham) is a movie I've been aware of my entire life, though for some reason I've never seen until now. Me of all people, who loves movies about nuns!

The film starts off promising with a great typeface super-imposed over our three "brides of Christ".
Elvis Presley gets top billing-but he's not the reason I'm watching this.
Yes - the magnificent Mary Tyler Moore, one year before her hit sitcom debuts.
And who else is in this promising little film?
OMG! Barbara McNair - one of my favorite singers of all time!
And introducing future soap diva Jane Elliot! Through the opening title montage (and Elvis song) we see our three sisters transform from wimple-wearing women to stylish young ladies who arrive in some nameless city ghetto and attract much attention from the locals. The men are turned on and the women are jealous.
Meanwhile, Elvis is having a party , surrounded by all sorts of inner-city folk.
But Elvis is not just a handsome singer–he's a doctor at a free clinic!
The free clinic where Sisters Michelle (Mary), Irene (Barbara) and Barbara (Jane) have been assigned to assist Dr. John Carpenter (Elvis) with his busy practice.

At first he thinks all three are there for abortions! He asks them, "All three of you? Just out of curiosity, was it the same guy?"
You see, Dr. Elvis and the local Amy Winehouse lookalikes must not know that they are nuns. These penguins are on an undercover mission!!!
Their new neighbors include two spinsters who are convinced the trio are hookers. They even point out that one is "black as the ace of spades"! Sister Michelle comments that the ladies may be Catholic, but they are not "Christian". Amen, sister.
The trio try to make the most of things while they wait for their furniture to arrive.
The next day, Sister Michelle helps Dr. Elvis with a patient who stutters. Julio also has a fondness for shiny, sharp objects like scissors. Michelle promises to give him extra attention.
Meanwhile at the apartment, Sister Barbara uses her feminine wiles to get some local men to help her carry the furniture into the apartment.
Back at the clinic, Sister Michelle diagnoses a "deaf" girl as autistic, pissing off Dr. Elvis.
The furniture movers get "touchy" with Sister Barbara, but she is saved from a possible gang rape by a mysterious fat white guy named "The Banker".
Returning to the clinic, Dr. Elvis examines a 17-year old Desiree, who complains of a pain in her "left chest".
After work, Dr. Elvis pays the gals a visit and tries to examine Sister Michelle's left chest while she strums his guitar.
He then corners her in the kitchen and is puzzled by her lack of attraction towards him.
The next day, Amanda the autistic girl is back and Dr. Elvis decides it time to cure her. By holding her and telling her that he loves her while Sister Michelle holds her feet.
This scene goes on for about five, long, painful minutes until the girl is screaming and finally "cured". Who knew?
After the miracle cure, Dr. Elvis tries to cure Sister Michelle of her virginity, but she's not having it. Apparently in real life Mary Tyler Moore also turned down Elvis' advances as well.
Meanwhile, Sister Irene has a confrontation with some other African American characters and she tells them "I musta said a million ‘Hail Marys’ to get out of a neighborhood just like this" and then she uses "the N word"!
The next day, Elvis takes Michelle and Autistic Amanda to the park where he spontaneously performs a tune on the Merry-Go-Round. Oh-this is a musical too? Cool.
Then Elvis plays football with Sister Barbara. Must be nice to have a day off! No autism to cure today?
Aren't they the cutest couple?
Back in the ghetto, Sister Irene witnesses a brutal beating. It is revealed that "The Banker" is the crime boss behind it all!!!
The next day, the trio is called into the parish priest's office and they are read the proverbial riot act for living too much like "normal" people. They now must wear their habits in public. Everyone now shows them honor and respect, even the neighborhood sluts.
Sister Barbara uses her new popularity to start a picket of a local grocer who is over-charging customers.
Sister Michelle at last reveals to Dr. Elvis why she is giving him blue balls.
This is a scene that isn't in the film, but is a great publicity shot.
At the food market, Ed Asner shows up. He's not looking for Mary, he's there to eat a banana and hang out with Dr. Elvis.
The next day, the nuns host a carnival in honor of a Puerto Rican saint. Autistic Amanda makes her puppet say "the N word" to visiting Mother Joseph.
Then, Sister Irene incites a riot–exposing "The Banker" as the cause of all the problems the locals are having!
After Officer Ed Asner breaks up the riot, trampy Desiree thanks Sister Michelle for the dress she gave her, even though she altered the hemline a bit.
Then Sister Barbara tells Sister Michelle that she's leaving the nunhood because she could do so much more to fight social injustice as a regular person.
After they hug goodbye, Sister Michelle undresses for bed in front of an open window, as Julio the stuttering scissor collector watches her. OMG-a stalker plotline!!!
Then Julio manages to get into the apartment and attacks Sister Michelle, beginning to undress her and forces himself onto her!!!
Luckily Dr. Elvis is within earshot and he rescues her...and knocks Julio flat on his crazy raping, stuttering ass. Sister Michelle is traumatized.
Time passes and Dr. Elvis goes to visit Sr. Michelle at the convent where he proposes to her.
She turns him down (just like Mary) and basically tells him, she's already married to Christ. Later at church, Elvis performs a rockin' "Let Us Pray" as Desiree debuts her new, conservative look.
Sister Michelle sits in her pew and ponders. Who will it be...Elvis or Jesus? Elvis or Jesus? Elvis or Jesus?
SPOILER: The movie ends without us knowing what her final decision is. I wonder if they shot multiple endings?
I am so glad I finally saw this ridiculous, cheesy but ultimately great film. First of all, it was RATED G and had two attempted rape scenes, "the N word," the words "faggots" and "bitch" plus all that sexual heat between Elvis and Mary. I wonder what the MPAA was really watching that day? Secondly, it's interesting to see "liberated" nuns battling sexism, racism, poverty, intolerance and fighting for social justice. It was certainly a product of its time, but ahead of its time in many ways. I give it a big holy 10 outta 10 because any movie where Elvis assumes nuns want abortions, cures autism, plays football and breaks out into song is totally awesome in my book. It was worth the wait.