Scary TV: The Horror Show

Damn - I wish I had this on VHS tape. Anthony Perkins (who I once had the pleasure of meeting) hosts at look at 60 magical years of movie monsters, madmen and creatures of the night. Imagine of the networks still had the moxie to program stuff like this?

The HARRY POTTER Experiment - Part 2

I continue the daunting task of watching all of the HARRY POTTER movies in sequence with the third film in the series, HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN.

This time around, the dashing trio of Harry, Hermione and Ron are joined by more great British actors: Michael Gambon (replacing the late Richard Harris), Gary Oldman, David Thewlis and Emma Thompson for a darker tale as director Alfonso Cuaron (Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN) takes over from Chris Columbus, who directed the first two. The difference is noticeable as the film almost can stand on its own with fine performances and unique and arresting visuals. This episode is by far my favorite in the series so far, as it builds upon what has come before and sets things up for future adventures. There is a cool time-travel plot that is pretty awesome and great turns by Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint as our three leads. At 142 minutes, surprisingly this one does not drag.

Next up is HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE (disjointedly directed by Mike Newell), which almost can be called HARRY POTTER JUMPS THE SHARK. This one starts off badly with an ultra-cheesy Quidditch World Cup sequence - followed by the torturous Triwizard Tournament which introduces us to handsome TWILIGHT actor Robert Pattison as Cedric Diggory and super sexy Quidditch champ Viktor Krum (played by newcomer Stanislav Ianevski). 

You see, Harry is chosen by the Golbet of Fire to complete with wizards from two other schools in deadly stunts that endanger not only his life but the lives of his friends as well. Cedric is already representing Hogwarts, so Harry is kinda a fourth wheel. Things get worse when Hogwarts goes all DEGRASSI for an embarrassing subplot about the school dance which includes a jarring music performance that reminds me of the awful Prince music in the first BATMAN film. The only thing that saves this sequence is the beautiful Christmas decorations. In fact I should probably point out that each of the first four films has a chunk that takes places at Christmas proving that wizardry is secular. Things improve later on in the tournament when the enemies are revealed and Ralph Fiennes shows up as the dreaded Lord Voldemort. Also joining the fray this time out is Miranda Richardson in an entertaining comic role. I have to say this edition was pretty tough going and my least favorite in the series so far. Let's hope things improve with the next chapter.

Witch Hazel & A Couple of Rag Dolls

Here's another vintage Halloween-themed post.CBS seemed to be the network that had the most and more frequently repeated animated Halloween specials. In the 1970s, CBS was also the home of Bugs Bunny and the rest of the Warner Bros., Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies characters, so it seemed pretty natural that a Bugs Bunny-themed Halloween cartoon would eventually air. Bugs Bunny was already a popular Halloween costume and starred in numerous Halloween comic books.In 1977 BUGS BUNNY'S HOWL-OWEEN SPECIAL debuted. This was not a new cartoon - in fact it was a "clip show" made up of 10 Bugs Bunny theatrical one-reelers.
Many of the shorts featured a scene-stealing character named Witch Hazel who Chuck Jones created in 1954 as an adversary for Bugs in Bewitched Bunny. Hazel proved so popular with audiences that she returned two years later in Broomstick Bunny and again in 1959's A Witch's Tangled Hare. A Disney character with the same named appeared earlier, but had little in common with Chuck's Hazel other than voice actress June Foray who voiced both. (Only after Bea Benaderet was unavailable to return for the second short).
Hazel also appeared briefly in 1963's Transylvania 6-5000 and then took on Daffy Duck and Speedy Gonzales in 1966's A Haunting We will Go. She later resurfaced in the dreadful feature Space Jam (1996) and in several episodes of WB cartoon shows.

Airing after Bug's annual outing was RAGGEDY ANN & ANDY IN THE PUMPKIN WHO COULDN'T SMILE - that's a mouthful! Ann & Andy were introduced to the public in 1918 and 1920 as storybook characters in a series of books written and illustrated by Johnny Gruelle. They made the leap to animation in the 1940s in three theatrical shorts. In 1977, a feature film called RAGGEDY ANN & ANDY: A MUSICAL ADVENTURE met some success - enough for former Bugs Bunny animator Chuck Jones to adapt them for television with June Foray (!) providing the voice of Ann! Is there nothing this woman cannot voice?!

This special continued to air on CBS for a few years, and later on the Disney Channel.

Having never seen it, I'd be interested to see what life Jones was able to breath into these ragdolls. For more on the history of Raggedy Ann & Andy go here and here.

ELVIRA: Mistress of the Dark

While I'm still outta town, enjoy this repeat from last Halloween season.Ever re-watch a movie that you thought you loved and discovered that maybe you didn't love it after all. ELVIRA: MISTRESS OF THE DARK is that kind of movie. I remember seeing it shortly after it was released in 1988 (directed by James Signorelli) and thinking, "Hey, this is actually better than I thought it would be." 20 years later, I'm thinking, "Hey, this is NOT actually even as good as I thought it would be the first time I saw it, when I thought it was gonna be bad!". Well, having said, it's not terrible. It does have it's comedic moments, mostly supplied by great character actors like Edie McClurg (most famous as Mrs. Poole on THE HOGAN FAMILY) and Pat Crawford Brown (now known as Ida Greenberg on DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES).

The story concerns the curvaceous Elvira (Cassandra Peterson), a local TV horror hostess who dreams of playing Vegas. After she is fired from her job, she learns that the casino that she booked needs $50,000 upfront before they'll let her perform. Within minutes, news that her Great Aunt Morgana has died and has possibly left her an inheritance, gives her (and us) hope that she will make it to Vegas.

Buxon beauty Elvira drives cross country in her awesome convertible to Fallwell, MA (tee-hee), the most conservative town this side of Harper Valley. Once there, she meets the locals - all prim, proper and highly bigoted. What follows is an unending series of breast and penis jokes. Our busty goth gal soon discovers that she has a Great Uncle Vincent (which would have been great if Vincent Price played the part), who despises her as well. Turns out, the full-figured Elvira inherits her great aunt's decaying Mansion on the Universal backlot and a mysterious book of "recipes." Uncle Vinnie, who inherits nothing– is not amused.

Her creepy uncle goes to all sorts of extremes to get the book out of Elvira's possession, including hiring sleazy Jeff Conaway and some other goon to abscond it. Various subplots involving bosomy Elvira's crush on the local hunky movie theater owner (could he wear his jeans any tighter-or higher?), her "new wave" makeover of Aunt Morgana's dog Algonquin (poor thing!) and her titillating friendship with the local teens all play out as silly as can be expected. The voluptuous vixen is fun to watch at times, but her wisecracking "valley girl" schtick wears thin pretty quickly. McClurg's Chastity Pariah has a few great lines when a local outdoor fair turns into an orgy thanks to our little chesty witch.

Along the way, our ample heroine learns that she's inherited some magical abilities and can now use them to great effect. The climax of the film is the best part, as she is about to be burned at the stake by the townsfolk. I will not spoil it for those who have not seen it. Suffice to say, she makes it to Vegas in time to performing a Cher-meets-Divine dance number that includes some outrageous pastie twirling. Overall a very mixed bag, but fun to watch if your expectations are very low...low-cut and lowbrow.

Using my old "Huh?" scale - I'd give this one a 5 outta 10.

Cassandra Peterson herself gets a perfect 10 in my book. Her commitment to causes such as gay rights and animal welfare have earned her legions of fans outside of the horror movie world. Playing the same character in all sorts of media (TV, films, radio, music, theme parks, video games, comic books, etc.) for over 25 years, she has created a larger-than-life persona that continues to entertain new audiences internationally and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. Check out her website for her latest appearances.

Animated Halloween Specials (part 2)

CBS seemed to be the network that had the most and more frequently repeated animated Halloween specials. In the 1970s, CBS was also the home of Bugs Bunny and the rest of the Warner Bros., Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies characters, so it seemed pretty natural that a Bugs Bunny-themed Halloween cartoon would eventually air. Bugs Bunny was already a popular Halloween costume and starred in numerous Halloween comic books.In 1977 BUGS BUNNY'S HOWL-OWEEN SPECIAL debuted. This was not a new cartoon - in fact it was a "clip show" made up of 10 Bugs Bunny theatrical one-reelers.
Many of the shorts featured a scene-stealing character named Witch Hazel who Chuck Jones created in 1954 as an adversary for Bugs in Bewitched Bunny. Hazel proved so popular with audiences that she returned two years later in Broomstick Bunny and again in 1959's A Witch's Tangled Hare. A Disney character with the same named appeared earlier, but had little in common with Chuck's Hazel other than voice actress June Foray who voiced both. (Only after Bea Benaderet was unavailable to return for the second short). 
Hazel also appeared briefly in 1963's Transylvania 6-5000 and then took on Daffy Duck and Speedy Gonzales in 1966's A Haunting We will Go. She later resurfaced in the dreadful feature Space Jam (1996) and in several episodes of WB cartoon shows.

Airing after Bug's annual outing was RAGGEDY ANN & ANDY IN THE PUMPKIN WHO COULDN'T SMILE - that's a mouthful! Ann & Andy were introduced to the public in 1918 and 1920 as storybook characters in a series of books written and illustrated by Johnny Gruelle. They made the leap to animation in the 1940s in three theatrical shorts. In 1977, a feature film called RAGGEDY ANN & ANDY: A MUSICAL ADVENTURE met some success - enough for former Bugs Bunny animator Chuck Jones to adapt them for television with June Foray (!) providing the voice of Ann! Is there nothing this woman cannot voice?!

This special continued to air on CBS for a few years, and later on the Disney Channel.

Having never seen it, I'd be interested to see what life Jones was able to breath into these ragdolls. For more on the history of Raggedy Ann & Andy go here and here.

ELVIRA: Mistress of the Dark

Ever re-watch a movie that you thought you loved and discovered that maybe you didn't love it after all. ELVIRA: MISTRESS OF THE DARK is that kind of movie. I remember seeing it shortly after it was released in 1988 (directed by James Signorelli) and thinking, "Hey, this is actually better than I thought it would be." 20 years later, I'm thinking, "Hey, this is NOT actually even as good as I thought it would be the first time I saw it, when I thought it was gonna be bad!". Well, having said, it's not terrible. It does have it's comedic moments, mostly supplied by great character actors like Edie McClurg (most famous as Mrs. Poole on THE HOGAN FAMILY) and Pat Crawford Brown (now known as Ida Greenberg on DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES).

The story concerns the curvaceous Elvira (Cassandra Peterson), a local TV horror hostess who dreams of playing Vegas. After she is fired from her job, she learns that the casino that she booked needs $50,000 upfront before they'll let her perform. Within minutes, news that her Great Aunt Morgana has died and has possibly left her an inheritance, gives her (and us) hope that she will make it to Vegas. 

Buxon beauty Elvira drives cross country in her awesome convertible to Fallwell, MA (tee-hee), the most conservative town this side of Harper Valley. Once there, she meets the locals - all prim, proper  and highly bigoted. What follows is an unending series of  breast and penis jokes. Our busty goth gal soon discovers that she has a Great Uncle Vincent (which would have been great if Vincent Price played the part), who despises her as well. Turns out, the full-figured Elvira inherits her great aunt's decaying Mansion on the Universal backlot and a mysterious book of "recipes." Uncle Vinnie, who inherits nothing– is not amused.

Her creepy uncle goes to all sorts of extremes to get the book out of Elvira's possession, including hiring sleazy Jeff Conaway and some other goon to abscond it. Various subplots involving bosomy Elvira's crush on the local hunky movie theater owner (could he wear his jeans any tighter-or higher?), her "new wave" makeover of  Aunt Morgana's dog Algonquin (poor thing!) and her titillating friendship with the local teens all play out as silly as can be expected. The voluptuous vixen is fun to watch at times, but her wisecracking "valley girl" schtick wears thin pretty quickly. McClurg's Chastity Pariah has a few great lines when a local outdoor fair turns into an orgy thanks to our little chesty witch.

Along the way, our ample heroine learns that she's inherited some magical abilities and can now use them to great effect. The climax of the film is the best part, as she is about to be burned at the stake by the townsfolk. I will not spoil it for those who have not seen it. Suffice to say, she makes it to Vegas in time to performing a Cher-meets-Divine dance number that includes some outrageous pastie twirling. Overall a very mixed bag, but fun to watch if your expectations are very low...low-cut and lowbrow.

Using my old "Huh?" scale - I'd give this one a 5 outta 10.

Cassandra Peterson herself gets a perfect 10 in my book. Her commitment to causes such as gay rights and animal welfare have earned her legions of fans outside of the horror movie world. Playing the same character in all sorts of media (TV, films, radio, music, theme parks, video games, comic books, etc.) for over 25 years, she has created a larger-than-life persona that continues to entertain new audiences internationally and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. Check out her website for her latest appearances.

The Witch Next Door

Happy October! Another fun childrens' book that had a profound effect on me was THE WITCH NEXT DOOR - a sweet Scholastic paperback from 1965. I acquired this book circa 1970 through the school book club and it's been in my library ever since.The story is told from the point of view of a brother and sister who befriend a green-haired witch who moves into their neighborhood. The witch soon paints her house black, hangs her all-black laundry out to dry, and casts some harmless spells. The nameless enchantress throws wild witch parties and has the neighborhood kids over for tea and cookies. She's a bit different, but a very good neighbor. Unfortunately there's some (obviously Republican) folks who want the witch to leave. These intolerant bigots look past all the good things about the sorceress and declare that they "don't want witches in our neighborhood." Fuck them, I say!
Our witchy friend at first responds with anger, as do the neighborhood children–but then casts a terrible spell on them...a wonderfully terrible hex which transforms the hateful right-wingers into a handsome young royal couple! Basically - she gives them an extreme makeover–both inside and out!
When the kids ask to be turned into a prince and a princess too, the witch tells them no, they are perfect the way they are. Awwww...The End. What a incredible way to teach kids about prejudice and tolerance-in 1965! I guess TV shows of the time, BEWITCHED, THE MUNSTERS and THE ADDAMS FAMILY were all kinda sending out the same message - it's okay to be different or eccentric. I guess that message became a way of life for me. Thanks Norman Bridwell!

DEVILS OF DARKNESS

DEVILS OF DARKNESS (1965, directed by Lance Comfort) is one of this films that feels awfully familiar to me. I feel like I've seen bits and pieces of this British gothic tale told many times before-and told much more effectively.

It all begins in a foggy graveyard where a gaggle of red-hooded cultists have gathered. One of the figures yanks off his hood and a tomb cracks open. Shivers! Suddenly we're at a Gypsy picnic in the woods - and a sexy Esmerelda lookalike enchants us (and a creepy gentleman friend) with her dirty gypsy dance. The gypsies (and theoretically tramps AND thieves) then toast to "Tania and Bruno" - the happy couple. They are about to perform a gypsy blood ceremony with a dirty knife when all of a sudden a bat flies out of a tomb causing Tania to collapse. Then the wind blows and we find out she's dead!!!

Her blood wedding day turns out to be the day of her funeral instead, and after she's buried, another gust of wind causes chaos. A hand opens her coffin and tells her to awaken - another creepy guy (who looks like Rosalind Russell as Auntie Mame) tells her that she has been chosen as HIS bride and she "will follow him till the end of time."

And then the credits roll...

Now I think we are in France at a vacation inn where a bunch of chatty Brits walk around the set yammering on about all sorts of nonsense. I gather that these five are Anne Forest, her male friend Paul Baxter, her brother Keith and his male friend David. The last of the bunch is the chattiest, a spunky redhead named Madeleine Braun. We learn that "the boys" Keith and David are off for a day of spelunking and probably gay sex, despite that it's All Souls Eve and they'll miss the quaint ghoul parade. Anne hopes they'll be back in time cause they "hate to miss out on anything!." Then we see Keith and David climbing through a "dark hole" and make their way through some "caves". Wink wink, nudge nudge.

It's soon time for the parade, which consists of people dressed like pilgrims carrying big candles. Madeleine decides that Anne and Paul need some "alone time" and takes a taxi back to wherever she came from. I guess she's not that into the parade either. Meanwhile, the boys are still crawling through the caves, grinning like idiots as they make their way through spider webs, dripping water and rats. Then they come upon a coffin, with a woman's hand sticking out of it - and a pair of dark hands grab Keith (or is it David?) from behind!!!

An old gypsy woman sneaks up on Ann and Paul and starts rambling on about "the evil eye, the devil of darkness, the mark of the black death" and all sorts of other stuff. Soon we learn that Keith is dead...and has a bite mark on his neck. They surmise that David is also dead in the cave, but we have no proof of this. We notice that Tania the dead gypsy is among the crowd. Spooky.

Later, Tania's nameless friend with a speech impediment (who I'll call Count Chocula) tries to comfort Anne about her brother's sudden death by taking her for a walk on a bridge. Honestly, I don't think she seems too upset. Shouldn't she be making funeral arrangements or calling other family members by now? She tells the Count that there's a strange fragrance in the air, then she notices that he has no reflection in the water below them. He then tries to strangle her, and she fights him by ripping open his shirt, causing a gold necklace to fall to the ground. On the necklace is a bat/snake emblem.

A French inspector (Clouseau?) shows up at the inn and is of no help to Paul - who seems to be the only person concerned about Anne and her dead brother (and his missing friend). Then Clouseau gets a call - Anne has been found dead in the lake, an apparent suicide. Still no sign of David.

Paul can't sleep, so the desk clerk comes to see him in his room. Count Chocula has made a visit to give Paul his condolences. Paul tells the Count that the people in this town are afraid of something...or someone. Duh. Paul discovers that the Count's walking stick with the same bat/snake emblem and has a knife hidden in it! Meanwhile, we learn that Paul has the gold necklace and is hiding it in his typewriter.

Chocula is holding a ritualistic ceremony in the woods, a chicken has been sacrificed. Everyone is there. Franken Berry, Boo Berry, Fruit Brute and possibly even Mrs. Butterworth. Anne's body is in a coffin and her brother Keith's is there too, only they took off his shirt. Hmmmm...hot. Anne screams (I guess she's not dead - yet) and they drag her into the woods. No mrntion of poor David. I guess he's the epitome of what you would call an "expendable character".

Madeleine (remember her?) comes by the inn to see Paul. Not fazed one bit that two (or three, counting David) of her friends are now dead. A newspaper headline announces that 2 coffins have disappeared on route from France to England! I guess it was a slow news day in the EU.

Next we're back in the UK, as Paul visits Dr. Kelsey, the Mr. Wizard of England. Kelsey is giving injections to rabbits as he blabbers on about extraterrestrials, black magic, the evil eye, which craft and some talisman. Meanwhile, we learn that Madeleine runs an antique shoppe called The Odd Spot. Paul gives her a call but she's too self-absorbed to give a shit. We learn she has hired a sexy new girl named Karen Steele.

Scotland Yard has sent 2 inspectors to see Paul. He co-operates, but doesn't give them all the facts. Dr. Kelsey warns Paul about the bat/snake talisman, but it's too late because Kelsey's lab animals (including two bats, a snake and a monkey!) begin to freak out as strong winds blow open their cages.

Back at Madeleine's, she's throwing a fabulous cocktail for all her beatnik friends. Everyone is smoking and dancing to jazz. Paul comes by to talk, but she foists Karen on him because she's too busy playing a deranged Mame Dennis. (Second MAME reference so far!) Chocula shows up too. What's a party without him?

When Paul gets back home, his pad has been ransacked, but nothing's stolen. Not even the talisman. (Which is still hodden - much like David) The inspectors arrive and inform him that Dr. Kelsey is dead from a snake bite. Paul decides he needs to continue Kelsey's research. Meanwhile, Karen starts posing as a model for Chocula's painting. The Count introduces his wife (Tania) to Karen as "Daniella". Tania seems visibly jealous. The count tells her all he wants is the talisman. Meanwhile, Paul tries to get a book from the library called "Talisman: The Power of Magic," but they tell him that the one copy they have is "restricted" and he needs to come back tomorrow. Right.

The next morning Paul calls on Karen to check on her, but she's still asleep. Some old lady tells Paul that she's not even there. Okay. Back at the library, guess what? The book has been stolen - and it was the only copy in England! Turns out Tania has it, and she opens it to a page revealing that our count is the legendary "Count Sinistre"! When Paul returns home, he is greeted by a voodoo doll, when he pulls out a pin Karen feels it. When Sinistre kisses her, she first tries to stab him, but then she gives in. Oh Karen...oh David!

Paul visits Madeleine again and begins to interrogate her about Karen, and she is as uncooperative as usual. She's sure Karen will show up eventually. Maybe with David??? Next Paul shows the talisman to the inspectors and tells them that all the murder victims had bite marks! They tell him that he's a suspect. Meanwhile, the guys in the red robes now have Dr. Kelsey in a coffin. Talk about obsession! They love stealing coffins as much as I love talking about David!

So, Tania is now burning the rare book. Damn girl, you can get a fortune for that on eBay! She then confronts
Sinistre about his lust for Karen and he SLAPS her! He tells her that he just wants his damn talisman back.
We've heard that before. We now see that Karen is under his power and has bite marks on her neck to prove it! Tania, meanwhile, finds one page from the book that did not burn - the page about Count Sinistre!

Back at Madeleine's, the painting of Karen appears and it's signed with the bat/snake emblem! Paul tells Madeleine that he gave the talisman to the police and she flips out! Tania then pays Paul a visit while he sleeps, and grabs a knife. Only she doesn't cut him, but slashes the painting of Karen...and it bleeds!!! Tania starts to write a note in the blood..."The O..." What can it mean? The Oscars? The OC? The Osmonds??? Or mabye it was a misshaped D...for David!

Paul brings the page to the police and they surmise that "The O" means "The Odd Spot" - Madeleine's shoppe! They race to the shoppe, but madcap Maddy has disappeared and headlines blare that Dr. Kelsey grave has been robbed!!! Meanwhile , Karen wakes up at the inn and tries on a crucifix and it burns her skin!!! Luckily Madeleine's beatnik friends are there to help her when she collapses. There's another wild party complete with a snake dancer and lesbians smoking cigars while tribal music plays. I'd wish we'd get a glimpse of David among the party goers. But alas, still missing. Madeleine is preparing Karen for her "big dat" with the count. An old drunk is ejected from the party after he spills red wine on the white carpet. Who can blame them? It's nice to know that even Satanists are tidy. It warms my heart.

Count Sinistre enters the room full of red-hodded people. They all climb down the stairs down in the caverns beneath the inn. Will they find David while they are down there? Or baby Jessica? No, just a Satantic ritual with Karen in a white gown. Is she a virigin? A bride? Or did her red hair clash with the red robe? Oh no - it looks like she's gonna be sacrificed! Not quite, because Scotland Yard is closing in on them. It's the cops vs. the cultists - ands they all freak out when Tania reveals Karen's crucifix burn scar.

The cops arrive, everything explodes and the caves begin to collapse. Any sign of David? Nope. The count and Karen escape through a graveyard but the sight of a cross-shaped tombstone in the sunlight causes him to melt in the sun and turn into a skeleton.

The End. The moral: "When you monkey around with black magic - who knows what you are up against." Moral #2 - If you go spelunking with another supporting character, don't expect to be seen or mentioned ever again. Oddly enough, Rod McLennan, the actors who played David later appeared on stage in England with Jack Klugman in THE ODD COUPLE! Odd Couple...Odd Spot...odd movie...How odd!

6 out of 10 "Huhs?".