Can 2 divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?

With CBS airing a new version of THE ODD COUPLE starring Matthew Perry and Thomas Lennon beginning tomorrow night, here's a post from 2008 when I was just starting to watch season 4 of THE ODD COUPLE on dvd, and I declared that the show, in my opinion is the second greatest American sitcom ever. That's right, I said it.

After MARY TYLER MOORE, no other US sitcom is more consistently funny, well-acted or holds up as well over the years. Based on Neil Simon's Broadway play and adapted into a 1968 feature starring Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon. The TV version, starring Jack Klugman and Tony Randall premiered on September 24, 1970 and ran for five seasons in a variety of timeslots on ABC - usually on Thursday or Friday nights. The series was never a Top 10 hit, and actually was in danger of cancellation every season it aired. The first season is quite unremarkable, having been filmed with one camera and an added laugh track. The show really came to life in season two, when a live audience was added to react to the mis-matched antics of Oscar and Felix.

The show really took off in popularity in the late 1970s when syndicated reruns aired on local stations. Channel 11, WPIX air four episodes a night. Two in early evening and two at 11PM. I watched them all, repeatedly. And watching them again now on dvd is, to quote a friend of mine "a sheer delight".
What makes the show so great? Well, Felix and Oscar are such great, unique characters - and because of that, so many later sitcom characters borrow freely from them. You can certain see traits of fastidious Felix in Sheldon from BIG BANG THEORY and Niles from FRASIER. Oscar's grouchy brashness has influenced a whole generation of cranky comedy curmudgeons, notable EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND's Frank Barone. While the show lacked continuity in so many instances (don't get me started!), the interplay between the two leads and excellent supporting players make this the best thing Garry Marshall has ever been part of. While the show "jumps the shark" with celebrity guests (Monty Hall, Howard Cosell, Paul Williams, etc.), it makes up for it with clever plots that incorporate the guest stars into the world of Felix and Oscar. Since Felix is a portrait photographer and Oscar is a sportswriter, it makes sense that they encounter these folks in New York City. Why not? I once rode in an elevator with Howard Cosell. He had big ears. AND I was a contestant on the most recent version of LET'S MAKE A DEAL! (Even though that happened in L.A. and Billy Bush-yuck!-was the host, but Monty was there. See photo below)But enough about me. While I was watching the classic PASSWORD episode recently, with guests Betty White and Allen Ludden, I wondered if any other MARY TYLER MOORE alumni ever appeared on THE ODD COUPLE. With a little research I discovered that in addition to Betty White ("Herself" on OC,"Sue Ann Nivens" on MTM), there was Bill Quinn ("Dr. Melnitz" on OC,"Dr. Walter Richards," Mary's dad on MTM), Penny Marshall ("Myrna Tuner" on OC, "Paula" on MTM), Barbara Colby ("Monique" the drunk bartender on OC, "Sherry" the hooker on MTM) and the late, great Brett Somers ("Blanche Madison" on OC and "Aunt Rose" on MTM). Not bad, considering the shows aired on different network during roughly the same period.

Both actors won Emmy Awards for their roles. Jack in 1971 and 1973, Tony in 1975 - after the show was cancelled. The duo reunited for a misguided 1993 CBS TV-movie called THE ODD COUPLE: TOGETHER AGAIN. I guess ABC's miserable MARY & RHODA reunion movie was payback. Jack and Tony had become best friends in real life, and after Tony's death in 2004, Jack wrote a memoir about their relationship, called Tony and Me: A Story of Friendship. The book has been hailed as a touching portrait of a professional partnership that, in the end, became deeply personal. The book includes over 50 photographs, many from Jack and Tony's private collections, and a DVD of never-seen-before outtakes from THE ODD COUPLE.

In the 1980s, THE ODD COUPLE was revived - with an an almost all African-American cast. Demond (SANFORD & SON) Wilson is Oscar and Ron (BARNEY MILLER) Glass is Felix. THE NEW ODD COUPLE could have been a descent show if they didn't decide to recycle scripts from the original series that were already considered classics by fans of the show. Ironically another black version of a Neil Simon play, BAREFOOT IN THE PARK only lasted 12 episodes on ABC in 1970, also airing on Thursday evenings. I'm holding out for a new version of THE SUNSHINE BOYS with James Earl Jones and Samuel L. Jackson.

And now it's 2015 - and THE ODD COUPLE is back on Thursday nights - this time on CBS. Will the third time be a charm?

LIFEGUARD

More recycled Dougsploitation.

LIFEGUARD stands out in my mind for two reasons: it was another PG-rated, but sexy film that that premiered on the CBS Wednesday Night Movie (see COACH) and it was an iconic teen-age masturbatory fantasy for gay boys everywhere. What's surprising is that this movie came from Paramount Pictures (and now on DVD from the Warner Archive Collection) - not Crown International or American International or New Line or New World. This was a real Hollywood movie...with music by the legendary Paul Williams (PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE, and that very special episode of THE ODD COUPLE where Edna Unger and her dad Felix argue over Paul's sex appeal).

As the titles roll, we meet our hero, young Sam Elliot, who even at 35 (?) seemed kinda old - but yet sexy. He's putting up a flag, and "intern" lifeguard and Scientologist Parker (HARDY BOYS and BAYWATCH) STEVENSON is helping him. Then a bunch of half-naked teen boys who all look like Carrot Top come up to them and tell them how they plan on getting laid this summer. Right.

Sam then puts on his tight rainbow tank top because his lady friend - a blonde stewardess(!!!) who looks like Sarah (REAL PEOPLE) Purcell coming over for a booty call.

PS- she is carrying the same "stew bag" that Tara B. True used in SUPERCHICK! And she gets to shows her tits and ass...in a PG movie!!! Holy shit - the MPAA would never allow this today. After the fucking, pillow talk between them turns dramatic when she tells him that he's not as good in bed as he thinks he is. He would be better if he loved her. He's like..."whatever" Back at the beach, a teenage girl who looks like a mildly-retarded Kristy McNichol needs a band-aid for her finger. So Sam helps her out. Later, while a dwarf photographer is taking snapshots, Sam and Parker talk about sex. A lot. Which is hot. Then they talk about sex with underage girls. Which is creepy.

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Then there's a boring bar scene which reveals to us that Sam is a "player". A guy that knew Sam 10 years earlier sees him at the bar and the two begin to chat. The guy - who looks like both the ABBA guys rolled into one - tells Sam that he now is a Porsche salesman, and that Sam should consider getting in the car biz.

Stalker teen, I'll call her "Tarzana" shows up again and tells Sam that she has no friends cause girls are snotty and boys are creeps. Then she splashes water on him and he chases her. He gives her a towel and they talk about marriage. Huh? Then she tells him she wants to get better at sex, and she wants him to fuck her. He thinks she's only 14, but when she says she's 17, he figures what the hell...and it does it! "Tarzana" is actually a played by a 22 year old Kathleen Quinlan!

The next day, Sam goes to visit his parents. We wish that it was Sam playing all three characters like Eddie Murphy does. Maybe in the sequel?

Back at the beach, Sam rescues some drowning kids and has to deal with a Cary Grant lookalike who is "showing his privates". We wish Sam and Parker would show each other's privates! Parker can't deal with the old guy cause he looks too much like his dad. Okay, ewww. 

"Tarzana" the Statutory Stalker shows up at Sam's apartment (She followed home!!!). Gulp. He can't make love to her because tonight's his 15 Year High School reunion - making him almost 30!!!

At the reunion, another Scientologist, Anne Archer and WONDER WOMAN's friend Etta Candy (Beatrice Colon) are there! During "Moon River," Anne shows him her kid, but what she really wants to show him is her "kid-maker".

Then there's a triathlon competition and of course "Tarzana" is cheering him on. Sam spits up water for five minutes. He must be too old for this??? A teammate jokes about it and Sam goes nuts. Speaking of nuts, the announcer has big ones. Ewww...

Before you know it Sam's teaching Anne's kid how to swim and how properly wear Groucho glasses.

He shows Anne a pamphlet of women he hasn't fucked yet, and she's in it - but not for long. It's light reading. Then they get it on. There's slo-mo closeups of various body parts. No nipples or balls, just fleshy parts. Soon she's smoking in bed. Must have been good.

The next day Sam goes to see the car dealer guy. Later, "Tarzana" shows up again and asks Sam if they are ever gonna do it again. He tells her no. And then she asks "Is it cause I'm jailbait?" No, she's cause you're crazy. Then she starts crying cause...SHE'S FUCKING CRAZY!

Later, Anne makes lasagna because her Mexican housekeeper can't be trusted with pasta. Sam comes by to tell her that he got a job as a Porsche salesman. Then a song by Paul Williams, the poor man's Elton John, serenades us as Sam drives around LA and says "goodbye" to the beach.

Only he spots someone out swimming where she shouldn't be swimming...and of course it's "Tarzana"! LET HER DROWN!!! But no, he rescues her and gives her a sailor suit to wear. Did a trick leave it behind? He tells her she's crazy. FINALLY! She tells him she LOVES him. Then he puts her in her car and sends her home. Is it really a good idea to put someone who just tried to kill herself behind the wheel of her car?

He tells Anne about Syndy when he visits her at her job (an art gallery). Anne is very supportive, but then he goes and spoils it all by doing something stupid like yelling at a potential art buyer and probably getting Anne fired from her job - or at least embarrassing the crap out of her! By the way, she looks pissed.

It's the next day, Parker's last before he heads back to college (he's gonna make something of his life - not just be a dumb lifeguard). Then the ABBA/Porsche guy comes by to see if he's gonna take the salesman job, and Sam says "no!"...besides there's a pervert hiding in the ladies room and somebody's got kick him out! It's tough out there for a lifeguard. Wonder if "Tarzana" made it home alright...

"Huh?" - 7 outta 10 - mostly cause of all the smokin' hot 70s man flesh. Oh, the guy pictured above isn't in the movie. Buy it today!

SOMETIMES AUNT MARTHA DOES DREADFUL THINGS

As I continually deal with my lack of free time to blog, I proudly represent one of my very first posts from way back in 2007.
So, imagine THE ODD COUPLE if Felix sometimes dressed in drag, had a crush on a hunky bi-sexual hippie Oscar and murdered every young woman who literally tries to unzip Oscar's snake-skin jeans. Well - that's what SOMETIMES AUNT MARTHA DOES DREADFUL THINGS is all about.

Set in suburban Miami, this 1971 campfest is full of slutty, horny stoned pizzeria waitresses and nurses with small tits and big Eva Gabor wigs who are trying to fuck Stanley (our sloppy roommate) and one by one, they disappear after his manly Aunt Martha pays them a visit.

You see, Paul is "protecting" Stanley from the police since he's convinced Stanley that he was responsible for killing Mrs. Johnson for her jewels. Paul has been disguising himself (with bad wigs, blouses, skirts, and orthopedic shoes) as Stanley's elderly Aunt Martha (but looking much like Stockard Channing as Rizzo), in an effort to hide from the authorities. The nosy neighbors (one who is very pregnant) are a constant annoyance to Paul - especially when they mention how attractive Stanley is.

Stanley, despite being a slob AND never changing his clothes ever (much like a Hanna-Barbera cartoon character) - even though the film takes place over several days and nights - is very sexy. Paul, on the other hand, looks like the illegitimate child of Karl Malden and Judd Hirsch. Stanley, sadly never does get naked - though there are are at least three scenes where women attempt to get into his pants, but he freaks out.

Things veer off in several directions including subplots involving a blackmailing heroin junkie from Baltimore who becomes an unwelcome third roommate and several encounters with Stanley's group of beer-drinking, pot-smoking, coke-sniffing friends - one of which is totally buff and always shirtless (save for a little leather vest) and looks like Steve Perry from Journey.

There's a disturbing turn of events involving the pregnant neighbor and a predictable climax that takes place on (of all places) a movie set!!! MARTHA is a bit slow at times, but its blend of campy humor and horror shocks kept me interested despite the homophobic undercurrent. Directed by Thomas Casey.

If MARTHA is your cup of tea - you can purchase it from the incredible Five Minutes to Live website. Rating: 8 outta 10.

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state...

What is it about THE BIG BAND THEORY that makes it positively addictive? It it the spot-on casting? The witty geek-centric dialogue? The clever nerd-culture filled plotlines? The aggravating, yet endearingly neurotic Sheldon (Jim Parsons-at times channeling Felix Unger)? The adorably pathetic Leonard (Johnny Galecki)? The polar opposites of undersexed, but sexy Rajnesh (Kunal Nayyar) and oversexed, but unsexy Howard (Simon Helberg)? The sudden intrusion of smarter-than-you-think outsider Penny (Kaley Cuoco)? All the DC Comics references? Or is it the wonderfully ridiculous and informative theme song by Barenaked Ladies? Maybe it's just this photo of Sheldon and Leonard...

Well, whatever it is - it seems to be working for me. The fact that I'm watching a CBS three-camera comedy with a live audience/laughtrack is a scientific miracle within itself! Which causes me to pause and ask, have I finally entered the CBS middle-age demographic? What's next for me, GREATEST AMERICAN DOG?


THE BIG BANG THEORY theme lyrics:
Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait...
The Earth began to cool,
The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools,
We built a wall (we built the pyramids),
Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries,
That all started with the big bang!


© Barenaked Ladies - The Big Bang Theory lyrics are copyrighted to their respective owners.
The Big Bang Theory song lyrics are restricted for educational and personal use only.

THE VAULT OF HORROR

THE VAULT OF HORROR (1973, directed by Roy Ward Baker) is a British horror anthology and is a follow-up to the original film version of TALES OF THE CRYPT. Both are based on classic stories from the notorious EC Comics series from the early 1950s.

The film starts out as five men meet in an elevator in a London office building. They are taken to the sub-basement level, despite that was no one's chosen destination. They enter a plush sitting room as the elevator door closes behind them. They are trapped. As they waiting for help, they pour some drinks and begin discussing their dreams of death. Sounds like a fun way to kill time, eh?

The first story is called "Midnight Mess" - and it tells the tale of a man who tracks down his missing sister, only to kill her so that he be the sole claim to their inheritance. After killing her, he dines at a restaurant where both the wine and the soup are blood!!! Then, in a strange twist of fate, his sister appears to be still alive - but she's a vampire! Her and her restaurant friends murder the brother and hang him up to drain his blood, so they can drink it. Midnight mess indeed!

The second and best of the five stories is titled "The Neat Job" and stars funnyman Terry Thomas as an Felix Unger-type neat freak who has just married Glynis Johns (Tony winner who originally sang "Send in the Clowns" on Broadway) - who turns out not to be up to his strict OCD standards. His eventually drives her mad with his bellyaching - so she hammers him to death (with a hammer) and then cuts him up and organizes his body parts in neatly labeled jars. Martha Stewart would be so proud.

Epiode 3 is "This Trick’ll Kill You" about a magician and his wife on vacation in India, where he obnoxiously exposes the local magicians as frauds. Sort of like Penn & Teller. Then he comes across a woman "rope charmer" who plays a flute that brings a rope to life! He lures this woman back to his room, where kills her and he attempts to make the trick work for him. The wife climbs the rope - then disappears, leaving only a patch of blood on the ceiling. Huh? Was Aunt Flo paying a visit? Then the rope comes to life and viciously attacks the magician. That'll show 'em for messing with someone else's trick! This was the second best story.

The next, "Bargain in Death" – was the worst and thankfully shortest. It has to do with being buried alive. My least favorite way to die. The bloody ending is the only good part.

The final tale, "Drawn and Quartered" stars DOCTOR WHO's Tom Baker as a starving artist living on Haiti. He visits a voodoo priest and soon his artwork has powers like a voodoo doll. Anything that happens to his paintings, then happens to it's subject. Unfortunately his self-portrait gets acid poured on it. Ouchie!

Epilogue (with apologies to Quinn Martin): After all five stories are told, the elevator door opens, to reveal a graveyard. Then the five drunk men walk out and vanish into the cemetery. The last remaining fellow explains that their souls are damned - and must tell their stories over and over, day after day till the end of time. That's just gotta suck - luckily I only had to live though it all once.

You would think this film would be more fun - but it's slow pace makes you want to hit the FFWD button quite often - it really drags starting with the fourth story. Overall, I'd give this one a 6 outta 10 - but mostly only worth seeing for the second and third story.