Showing posts with label Biography. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Biography. Show all posts
Friday, March 2, 2012
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, November 9, 2009
The Return of THE SINGING NUN
Here's a post a ran about two years ago, but newly enhanced with some new pix to accentuate my points! Maybe it's because I attended 13 years of Catholic school (that includes kindergarten), and got to know so many nuns on a personal level, but I've always been fascinated by movies about "brides of christ".
THE SOUND OF MUSIC, AGNES OF GOD, NASTY HABITS, CHANGE OF HABIT, THE TROUBLE WITH ANGELS...just to name a few - are always required viewing in my house.
As a child, THE FLYING NUN was one of my favorite shows, and I can recall asking several of my nun teachers if they could secretly fly. None of them could - but some could really SING!
Now, the true story of THE SINGING NUN is something that would make a fascinating film. The real Soeur Sourire (Sister Smile), who wrote and sang the worldwide hit song "Dominique" lived a very much different life than what Hollywood would have led us to believe.
Born Jeanne Deckers in Belgium in 1933, she joined a Dominican convent, taking the name Sister Luc-Gabrielle. She became popular among the other nuns for her beautiful songs and was encouraged by to record an album in 1963. The song "Dominique," (about an evangelist and saint who figured prominently in Belgian history) made her an international celebrity, and she adopted the stage name of Soeur Sourire . She performed in concerts and even appeared on THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW in 1964. Imagine if a nun appeared on AMERICAN IDOL today!
"Dominique" sold more than 1.5 million copies, and following the success of THE SOUND OF MUSIC, a movie about her starring Debbie Reynolds, was made. Unfortunately, the movie doesn't cover the later years of her life. Around the same time as the film's release, Jeanne stopped performing, Soon after, in 1967 she left the convent and recorded her second album, titled "I Am Not a Star in Heaven". Though she was deeply religious, she grew increasingly vocal and critical of the conservatism of the Roman Catholic Church and she became an advocate of birth control (and reportedly gay rights as well). She even recorded a song entitled "Glory Be to God for the Golden Pill ." Wow.
She later opened a school for autistic children in Belgium with a "friend", Annie Pescher. By the early 1980s the Belgian government began claiming that she owed back taxes almost $50,000. Desperate to raise money, she released an updated dance music version of 'Dominique' in 1983 (need to find it on iTunes) but it failed to set the charts on fire. In 1985, she and Pescher committed suicide together by overdosing on barbiturates and alcohol, and were buried together in consecrated ground.
There is a recent film version which delves into these details. I look forward to seeing it one day..jpg)
Meanwhile, getting back to the movie at hand - I'd been curious about the film for years - I mean a "true story" about nuns starring Jewish-convert Debbie Reynolds her "best friend" Agnes Moorehead and everyone's favorite sexy 1970s MD - Chad Everett!!! 
Plus we get pre-FANTASY ISLAND, WRATH OF KHAN and Chrysler Cordoba Ricardo Montalban and a cameo by Ed Sullivan himself! How could things go wrong?
Directed by war movie veteran Henry Koster , things do go terribly wrong. Well, Debbie does as well as she can as the unsinkable Sister Ann, the spunky nun who who can sing like an angel, but has a lot to learn about doing good things and butting in where she doesn't belong. She is always riding around on her motor scooter with her guitar ("Sister Adelle"), playing soccer with the boys and trying to stop peasant girls from becoming strippers - what a scamp! Moorehead is effectively bitchy as "Mother Endora" - a senior nun, who is not amused by Sister Ann's frolics.
Sister Ann's real dream is to move to the African Congo to work with children, but in the meantime she befriends a lonely local little boy, Dominic, whose mother has died and whose father is an alcoholic. I think his sister (Katherine Ross) is kinda whore-ish too. Sister Ann doesn't care about the saint like the real Sister Smile, so decides to write a song about the little boy instead. Go figure.
The song goes something like this:
"Dominique, nique, nique I will tell of Dominique His goodness to acclaim And I pray the song I sing Will some simple pleasure bring That the world shall know his name!"
I think something got lost in the translation.
When Father Clementi (Montalban) hears Sister Ann's song, he see dollar signs and enters her in a talent contest. Before you know it, old friend Everett, apparently channeling Clark Gable, shows up and signs her to a record deal and the whole world is soon listening to her silly light-hearted songs!
The album has become a sensation, and "The Singing Nun" is soon making appearances at parties and engagements, even appearing on THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW on CBS! Ironically, while preparing for the show, the nuns explain that they're forbidden to wear makeup-even though the actresses portraying them are clearly wearing lipstick and false eyelashes! Huh?
Everything seems wonderful and magical, only Sister Ann is unprepared for her new found fame-and her attraction to Everett! This is just like Sister Bertrille and Carlos - I mean what was the deal with those two? And what of the tragedy that soon befalls Dominic and his slutty sister? Does a poor Catholic girl really need to resort to stripping to pay the rent on her cockroach infested shack?
So, if you are curious to see how sugary and fictional a Hollywood biopic can get - see THE SINGING NUN. I'll give it 6 out 10 "Huhs?" because just the thought of bawdy Debbie Reynolds (Miss Burbank 1948) and rumored lesbian Agnes Moorehead as nuns is comedy enough for me!
For the record, Reynolds explicitly denied to film historian Robert Osborne that Moorehead was gay, describing her as "terribly religious." That's not what Paul Lynde had to say about her! Hmmm...
THE SOUND OF MUSIC, AGNES OF GOD, NASTY HABITS, CHANGE OF HABIT, THE TROUBLE WITH ANGELS...just to name a few - are always required viewing in my house.
As a child, THE FLYING NUN was one of my favorite shows, and I can recall asking several of my nun teachers if they could secretly fly. None of them could - but some could really SING!
Now, the true story of THE SINGING NUN is something that would make a fascinating film. The real Soeur Sourire (Sister Smile), who wrote and sang the worldwide hit song "Dominique" lived a very much different life than what Hollywood would have led us to believe.
Born Jeanne Deckers in Belgium in 1933, she joined a Dominican convent, taking the name Sister Luc-Gabrielle. She became popular among the other nuns for her beautiful songs and was encouraged by to record an album in 1963. The song "Dominique," (about an evangelist and saint who figured prominently in Belgian history) made her an international celebrity, and she adopted the stage name of Soeur Sourire . She performed in concerts and even appeared on THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW in 1964. Imagine if a nun appeared on AMERICAN IDOL today!
"Dominique" sold more than 1.5 million copies, and following the success of THE SOUND OF MUSIC, a movie about her starring Debbie Reynolds, was made. Unfortunately, the movie doesn't cover the later years of her life. Around the same time as the film's release, Jeanne stopped performing, Soon after, in 1967 she left the convent and recorded her second album, titled "I Am Not a Star in Heaven". Though she was deeply religious, she grew increasingly vocal and critical of the conservatism of the Roman Catholic Church and she became an advocate of birth control (and reportedly gay rights as well). She even recorded a song entitled "Glory Be to God for the Golden Pill ." Wow.She later opened a school for autistic children in Belgium with a "friend", Annie Pescher. By the early 1980s the Belgian government began claiming that she owed back taxes almost $50,000. Desperate to raise money, she released an updated dance music version of 'Dominique' in 1983 (need to find it on iTunes) but it failed to set the charts on fire. In 1985, she and Pescher committed suicide together by overdosing on barbiturates and alcohol, and were buried together in consecrated ground.
There is a recent film version which delves into these details. I look forward to seeing it one day.
.jpg)
Meanwhile, getting back to the movie at hand - I'd been curious about the film for years - I mean a "true story" about nuns starring Jewish-convert Debbie Reynolds her "best friend" Agnes Moorehead and everyone's favorite sexy 1970s MD - Chad Everett!!! 
Plus we get pre-FANTASY ISLAND, WRATH OF KHAN and Chrysler Cordoba Ricardo Montalban and a cameo by Ed Sullivan himself! How could things go wrong?
Directed by war movie veteran Henry Koster , things do go terribly wrong. Well, Debbie does as well as she can as the unsinkable Sister Ann, the spunky nun who who can sing like an angel, but has a lot to learn about doing good things and butting in where she doesn't belong. She is always riding around on her motor scooter with her guitar ("Sister Adelle"), playing soccer with the boys and trying to stop peasant girls from becoming strippers - what a scamp! Moorehead is effectively bitchy as "Mother Endora" - a senior nun, who is not amused by Sister Ann's frolics.
Sister Ann's real dream is to move to the African Congo to work with children, but in the meantime she befriends a lonely local little boy, Dominic, whose mother has died and whose father is an alcoholic. I think his sister (Katherine Ross) is kinda whore-ish too. Sister Ann doesn't care about the saint like the real Sister Smile, so decides to write a song about the little boy instead. Go figure.The song goes something like this:
"Dominique, nique, nique I will tell of Dominique His goodness to acclaim And I pray the song I sing Will some simple pleasure bring That the world shall know his name!"
I think something got lost in the translation.
When Father Clementi (Montalban) hears Sister Ann's song, he see dollar signs and enters her in a talent contest. Before you know it, old friend Everett, apparently channeling Clark Gable, shows up and signs her to a record deal and the whole world is soon listening to her silly light-hearted songs!
The album has become a sensation, and "The Singing Nun" is soon making appearances at parties and engagements, even appearing on THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW on CBS! Ironically, while preparing for the show, the nuns explain that they're forbidden to wear makeup-even though the actresses portraying them are clearly wearing lipstick and false eyelashes! Huh?
Everything seems wonderful and magical, only Sister Ann is unprepared for her new found fame-and her attraction to Everett! This is just like Sister Bertrille and Carlos - I mean what was the deal with those two? And what of the tragedy that soon befalls Dominic and his slutty sister? Does a poor Catholic girl really need to resort to stripping to pay the rent on her cockroach infested shack?
So, if you are curious to see how sugary and fictional a Hollywood biopic can get - see THE SINGING NUN. I'll give it 6 out 10 "Huhs?" because just the thought of bawdy Debbie Reynolds (Miss Burbank 1948) and rumored lesbian Agnes Moorehead as nuns is comedy enough for me!
For the record, Reynolds explicitly denied to film historian Robert Osborne that Moorehead was gay, describing her as "terribly religious." That's not what Paul Lynde had to say about her! Hmmm...
Monday, May 18, 2009
The Return of THE DOLLAR TREE Double Feature
From September 2007.
On a visit to the local Dollar Tree Store, I found an entire endcap of TWO FOR A DOLLAR dvds. After digging through hundreds, I actually found only two worth buying...and reviewing. Ladies and gentlemen I bring you The Dollar Tree Double Feature.
First up...EVEL KNIEVEL! Ever wonder how (the late) motorcycle daredevil Evel Knievel got his start? Well director Marvin J. Chomsky attempted to tell us all about it in this 1971 biopic which combines unintentional laughs as George Hamilton (looking a lot like Count Chocula) wears the helmet and real chills with clips of actual stunts (most of which end up with Knievel in the hospital). The film traces real events from Evel's life, from his early years as troubled young man to his success as the man with more broken bones in his body than anyone else.
There's plenty of white trash antics as we flashback to Evel's roots, and his career as a unsuccessful bank robber. At times I felt like I was watching an episode of MY NAME IS EVEL. The best scene involves young Evel busting into the all-girls home where his lady Linda lives. The den mother (let's call her Mrs. Garrett) seems more concerned that "there's a man in the house" than the fact that he's driving his cycle up and down the staircase and hallways looking for his gal. Another highlight is the decor of the apartment that Evel shares with his lady: one wall was black, one wall a brilliant blue and the third wall: wood paneling. The sofa? yellow leather! I kid you not. Just for that set decoration alone, this one gets 8 out of 10 "Huhs?". Also - there's a terrible theme song that we are treated to at least three times throughout the 90 minutes.
Our second feature has the unfortunate title IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME. Which of course, prompts one to ask "What time was that?". John Trent directed this 1976 Canadian romp which features John Candy (in his first film role) prominently displayed on the cover - despite him being in only two or three scenes.
The plot goes something like this: Anthony Newley (Joan Collin's real-life ex) plays a washed up writer is still shagging his ex-wife money-hungry Stefanie Powers, who is unhappily remarried to a wealthy construction contractor, who's sole aim seems to be to tear down her mother's house! Are you following this? Georgia then decides to support a candidate for mayor (Llyod Bochner, who married Collins on DYNASTY) by screwing him. Newley pulls a assortment of stunts in order to attract Stefanie's attention. Somewhere along the way, there's a crazy kidnapping scam, and two dopey cops (one played by Candy) show up to save the day. There's a madcap finale involving cops dressed as garbage men. Oh boy! Issac Hayes appears as Newley's artist friend and Yvonne DeCarlo (aka Lily Munster) has a few scenes as Stef's mother.
This is the kind of wild film farces that Americans and Brits made in the 1960s - it took our friends up north a bit longer to catch on. The tiresome slapstick is a bit much to take at times, as is seeing Newley with his shirt off. This one rates only about 5 out of 10 "Huhs?" - meaning it's bad, but not worth your time and effort to watch it. Even though it might seem like a good idea at the time...
On a visit to the local Dollar Tree Store, I found an entire endcap of TWO FOR A DOLLAR dvds. After digging through hundreds, I actually found only two worth buying...and reviewing. Ladies and gentlemen I bring you The Dollar Tree Double Feature.First up...EVEL KNIEVEL! Ever wonder how (the late) motorcycle daredevil Evel Knievel got his start? Well director Marvin J. Chomsky attempted to tell us all about it in this 1971 biopic which combines unintentional laughs as George Hamilton (looking a lot like Count Chocula) wears the helmet and real chills with clips of actual stunts (most of which end up with Knievel in the hospital). The film traces real events from Evel's life, from his early years as troubled young man to his success as the man with more broken bones in his body than anyone else.
There's plenty of white trash antics as we flashback to Evel's roots, and his career as a unsuccessful bank robber. At times I felt like I was watching an episode of MY NAME IS EVEL. The best scene involves young Evel busting into the all-girls home where his lady Linda lives. The den mother (let's call her Mrs. Garrett) seems more concerned that "there's a man in the house" than the fact that he's driving his cycle up and down the staircase and hallways looking for his gal. Another highlight is the decor of the apartment that Evel shares with his lady: one wall was black, one wall a brilliant blue and the third wall: wood paneling. The sofa? yellow leather! I kid you not. Just for that set decoration alone, this one gets 8 out of 10 "Huhs?". Also - there's a terrible theme song that we are treated to at least three times throughout the 90 minutes.
Our second feature has the unfortunate title IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME. Which of course, prompts one to ask "What time was that?". John Trent directed this 1976 Canadian romp which features John Candy (in his first film role) prominently displayed on the cover - despite him being in only two or three scenes.The plot goes something like this: Anthony Newley (Joan Collin's real-life ex) plays a washed up writer is still shagging his ex-wife money-hungry Stefanie Powers, who is unhappily remarried to a wealthy construction contractor, who's sole aim seems to be to tear down her mother's house! Are you following this? Georgia then decides to support a candidate for mayor (Llyod Bochner, who married Collins on DYNASTY) by screwing him. Newley pulls a assortment of stunts in order to attract Stefanie's attention. Somewhere along the way, there's a crazy kidnapping scam, and two dopey cops (one played by Candy) show up to save the day. There's a madcap finale involving cops dressed as garbage men. Oh boy! Issac Hayes appears as Newley's artist friend and Yvonne DeCarlo (aka Lily Munster) has a few scenes as Stef's mother.
This is the kind of wild film farces that Americans and Brits made in the 1960s - it took our friends up north a bit longer to catch on. The tiresome slapstick is a bit much to take at times, as is seeing Newley with his shirt off. This one rates only about 5 out of 10 "Huhs?" - meaning it's bad, but not worth your time and effort to watch it. Even though it might seem like a good idea at the time...
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Return to the Chicken Ranch...
I swear I'm not getting lazy...just really busy, okay?
I was in the mood for a musical - so after perusing my vast collection, I decided on THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS! This 1982 adaptation of the Broadway smash (written and directed by Colin Higgins) was a box-office hit and is fondly remembered by fans of both Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds. I have not seen this film since it's theatrical release, so I decided to revisit it 25 years later (with an open mind). Oh yeah - it's based on a true story! Yee-ha!
Narrated by Jim Nabors as if he was hosting one of those Rankin-Bass Christmas specials, we learn all about the 150-year history of this "house of ill repute" through a rousing opening number, promising us that there's nothing dirty going on. I'm still amazed how happy, perky and clean the whores are...sadly, we never get to know any of them, they are just nameless ladies of the evening.
We soon meet our co-stars Burt & Dolly - At 46, Reynolds was still in pretty good post-Cosmo centerfold shape, and Dolly was at her peak following her stunning film debut in the comedy classic 9 TO 5 - and they do have a certain folksy chemistry. Reynolds plays Ed Earl, a sheriff and Dolly is Miss Mona, a madame who runs The Chicken Ranch - a very popular local brothel. These two have an ongoing affair and all seems pretty happy in whore-ville until we meet Houston-based peckerwood/electronic bounty hunter Melvin P. Thorpe (Dom DeLuise - looking slightly slimmer than usual), who stages a musical investigative report about the bordello on his "Watchdog Report" TV show.
Thorpe then brings his crusade to the town square and confronts Burt about taking payola and protecting the whores. Burt scares the be-jesus outta Thorpe and sends him packing (or so we think!). Burt celebrates by taking Dolly camping. They have a painfully long fireside heart-to-heart about spaceships, forgiveness, Jesus, politics, America, dreams, smiles, ballerinas, Dolly's tits, monogamy and other things whores routinely discuss with sheriffs.
The shit hits the fan later that night when Thorpe appears on the local 11:00 News with footage of Ed Earl cussing and firing a gun at him. The local gentry wants to calm the townfolk down and Burt agrees to talk to Dolly into closing down for two months. After a heated argument, Dolly agrees to shut it down. Only it's the day before the big Thanksgiving football game!!! The next day, the whores watch the game on TV as they decorate for the victory party and anticipate which team they are gonna get to screw.
Next up is the best locker room song & dance number ever filmed. Lots of jockstraps and fine naked asses, followed by shirtless shuffling in boxer shorts and tight jeans. Basically, it's Texas two-step night at Oil Can Harry's. And then the eventual bus ride to the Chicken Ranch. To create drama, the bus breaks down and the boys hitch a ride with an old geezer. Dolly and the whores are all awaiting - wearing prom gowns for the special occasion - but not for long! Luckily there was one black whore for the one black football player! (After all it is the south!) I strained my eyes to see if the Asian whore found a likewise Asian footballer. Couldn't tell. Then they all FUCK! Yay!
Jim Nabors shows up at Burt's and tells him that something dirty's going on at the Ranch even though Dolly promised. Of course, Thorpe shows up with camera crew and all hell breaks loose as half-naked whores and jocks battle Thorpe and his crew. What follows as another even more heated argument between Burt & Dolly - and Dolly accuses him of being a chicken-shit sheriff in a chicken-shit town!!! I love when Dolly uses swear words! Then he calls her a "whore" (which she is, kind of). Dolly later tells her housekeeper that she loves Burt. Awww...
The Chicken Ranch soon becomes a political hot potato as the townfolk and local politicos are divided about the issue. We soon meet Oscar-nominee Charles Durning, as the Governor - and his well-remembered musical tribute to political double-talk "Sidestep". The song is clever, reminding me of "One Foot In Front of Another" from SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN - but something about Durning singing and dancing gives me a feeling of anguish. Can't explain why.
Burt and the Governor debate about the Ranch - but Gov. Durning declares to "Shut it down" after a poll claims that's what his people want. They we are "treated" to another rendition of "Sidestep" - this time with a marching band! Burt calls Dolly - apologizes for the other night and tells her to close it down...leading to my favorite Dolly Parton song ever - "Hard Candy Christmas" and some of the whores actually get a bit of airtime as they bid farewell to the cathouse they call home. The girls wave goodbye and board a Greyhound outta whore-ville and Dolly is left alone with her housekeeper. Back to narration by Jim Nabors (who's now the sheriff!).
After Dolly learns that Ed Earl went to the Governer to defend her and the whores, he pays her a visit. He tells Dolly he loves her - and she tells him she's loved him since she was 16! Then Dolly sings her chestnut "I Will Always Love You" a million times better than Whitney Houston could ever sing it! Burt then proposes marriage to Dolly (which she accepts), even though that might endanger his chances to be elected as a state legislator (he is elected anyway, after all this IS Texas!). Happy Hollywood Ending!!!
Of course, the stage play and this film take many liberties in telling the story of the infamous Chicken Ranch. For a more accurate version of the story, visit The Chicken Ranch! The real Melvin P. Thorpe, Marvin Zindler died recently at age 86.
I give this one a big 8 out of 10 "Huhs?" just for the candy-coated fictionalization of a real news story and for Burt's horrible singing. But there's nothing dirty going on!
I was in the mood for a musical - so after perusing my vast collection, I decided on THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS! This 1982 adaptation of the Broadway smash (written and directed by Colin Higgins) was a box-office hit and is fondly remembered by fans of both Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds. I have not seen this film since it's theatrical release, so I decided to revisit it 25 years later (with an open mind). Oh yeah - it's based on a true story! Yee-ha!Narrated by Jim Nabors as if he was hosting one of those Rankin-Bass Christmas specials, we learn all about the 150-year history of this "house of ill repute" through a rousing opening number, promising us that there's nothing dirty going on. I'm still amazed how happy, perky and clean the whores are...sadly, we never get to know any of them, they are just nameless ladies of the evening.
We soon meet our co-stars Burt & Dolly - At 46, Reynolds was still in pretty good post-Cosmo centerfold shape, and Dolly was at her peak following her stunning film debut in the comedy classic 9 TO 5 - and they do have a certain folksy chemistry. Reynolds plays Ed Earl, a sheriff and Dolly is Miss Mona, a madame who runs The Chicken Ranch - a very popular local brothel. These two have an ongoing affair and all seems pretty happy in whore-ville until we meet Houston-based peckerwood/electronic bounty hunter Melvin P. Thorpe (Dom DeLuise - looking slightly slimmer than usual), who stages a musical investigative report about the bordello on his "Watchdog Report" TV show.
Thorpe then brings his crusade to the town square and confronts Burt about taking payola and protecting the whores. Burt scares the be-jesus outta Thorpe and sends him packing (or so we think!). Burt celebrates by taking Dolly camping. They have a painfully long fireside heart-to-heart about spaceships, forgiveness, Jesus, politics, America, dreams, smiles, ballerinas, Dolly's tits, monogamy and other things whores routinely discuss with sheriffs.
The shit hits the fan later that night when Thorpe appears on the local 11:00 News with footage of Ed Earl cussing and firing a gun at him. The local gentry wants to calm the townfolk down and Burt agrees to talk to Dolly into closing down for two months. After a heated argument, Dolly agrees to shut it down. Only it's the day before the big Thanksgiving football game!!! The next day, the whores watch the game on TV as they decorate for the victory party and anticipate which team they are gonna get to screw.
Next up is the best locker room song & dance number ever filmed. Lots of jockstraps and fine naked asses, followed by shirtless shuffling in boxer shorts and tight jeans. Basically, it's Texas two-step night at Oil Can Harry's. And then the eventual bus ride to the Chicken Ranch. To create drama, the bus breaks down and the boys hitch a ride with an old geezer. Dolly and the whores are all awaiting - wearing prom gowns for the special occasion - but not for long! Luckily there was one black whore for the one black football player! (After all it is the south!) I strained my eyes to see if the Asian whore found a likewise Asian footballer. Couldn't tell. Then they all FUCK! Yay!
Jim Nabors shows up at Burt's and tells him that something dirty's going on at the Ranch even though Dolly promised. Of course, Thorpe shows up with camera crew and all hell breaks loose as half-naked whores and jocks battle Thorpe and his crew. What follows as another even more heated argument between Burt & Dolly - and Dolly accuses him of being a chicken-shit sheriff in a chicken-shit town!!! I love when Dolly uses swear words! Then he calls her a "whore" (which she is, kind of). Dolly later tells her housekeeper that she loves Burt. Awww...
The Chicken Ranch soon becomes a political hot potato as the townfolk and local politicos are divided about the issue. We soon meet Oscar-nominee Charles Durning, as the Governor - and his well-remembered musical tribute to political double-talk "Sidestep". The song is clever, reminding me of "One Foot In Front of Another" from SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN - but something about Durning singing and dancing gives me a feeling of anguish. Can't explain why.
Burt and the Governor debate about the Ranch - but Gov. Durning declares to "Shut it down" after a poll claims that's what his people want. They we are "treated" to another rendition of "Sidestep" - this time with a marching band! Burt calls Dolly - apologizes for the other night and tells her to close it down...leading to my favorite Dolly Parton song ever - "Hard Candy Christmas" and some of the whores actually get a bit of airtime as they bid farewell to the cathouse they call home. The girls wave goodbye and board a Greyhound outta whore-ville and Dolly is left alone with her housekeeper. Back to narration by Jim Nabors (who's now the sheriff!).
After Dolly learns that Ed Earl went to the Governer to defend her and the whores, he pays her a visit. He tells Dolly he loves her - and she tells him she's loved him since she was 16! Then Dolly sings her chestnut "I Will Always Love You" a million times better than Whitney Houston could ever sing it! Burt then proposes marriage to Dolly (which she accepts), even though that might endanger his chances to be elected as a state legislator (he is elected anyway, after all this IS Texas!). Happy Hollywood Ending!!!
Of course, the stage play and this film take many liberties in telling the story of the infamous Chicken Ranch. For a more accurate version of the story, visit The Chicken Ranch! The real Melvin P. Thorpe, Marvin Zindler died recently at age 86.
I give this one a big 8 out of 10 "Huhs?" just for the candy-coated fictionalization of a real news story and for Burt's horrible singing. But there's nothing dirty going on!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Dougsploitation Before Photoshop (& the Internet)
Yes, children there actually was a time before Photoshop when graphics had to be created the old fashioned way. I recently came across a file of dumb old magazine and advertisement parodies that I made when I was in high school and "that year I took off before college". I thought it would be fun to post some of them and review them through my seasoned Art Director's eye.
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Exhibit A: The Hollywood Squares gossip column by Mildred Snatch and The TV Answer Man by Belvedere Thib. Originally published in the August 1981 issue of National People Magazine.
Well, first of all, Mildred Snatch and Belvedere Thib are great names. Wonder where I came up with those? The idea of a gossip column being about one particular show - a game show no less - is pretty genius. Notice how I used mixed media here. Actual clippings from TV Guide combined with real typewriter type. Very fancy.
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Exhibit B : No Frills Granny advertisement, originally published in the January 1982 issue of Ladies' Life Magazine .
Wow! Completely hand-drawn type with a photo stolen from somewhere. I guess my obsession with fake NBC shows can be traced back to here. Spazzola Productions was a recurring entity in these ads.
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Exhibit C: "I Can't Believe It's A Jockstrap!" from The March 1983 issue of Playhouse, The Sophisticated Mens' Magazine.
Infecto Laboratories created many unique products that pertain to the genital region.
Once again, completely hand-drawn type - including the Infecto logo!
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Exhibit D: "I Can't Believe It's a Tampon!" from the January 1982 issue of Ladies' Life.
Once again, Infecto Industries creates something unmentionable in polite conversation. Notice celebrity spokesperson Juliet Prowse. Poor dear.
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Exhibit E : Best Little Whorehouse on the Prairies from TV Guard magazine (circa Spring 1982)
Ah! I've discovered Press Type! And I've created a new network, SBS! Poor Laura, I always know al that whoring would lead to trouble. I've revisited this concept years later in my Slideshow presentation.
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Exhibit F : The Natalie Wood Story circa 1982
What can I say? My design skills have improved greatly as I was using Press Type like there was no tomorrow, plus actual clip art! Pamela Sue Martin and Erik Estrada? Why not? "The neglected swimming lessons!" - I'm sorry, Natalie.
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Exhibit F : "Planet Eartha" from Persons magazine (Fall 1982)
More Press Type with clips from real movie ads. I wish someone really made this movie. In Dolby Stereo and 3-D!
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Exhibit G: Gimme a Bust! also from Persons magazine.
A mix of clips and Press Type and a great photo of the late, great Nell Carter!
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Exhibit H - Equaliza circa 1983
Okay, now we're talking. This was actually a photo stat composite of a real TV Guide ad and a photo of Ms. Minnelli. (Happy Birthday Liza!) Pretty soon after this I'd be employed and designing actual TV Guide ads - only those were not as much fun. I hope you all enjoyed this twisted trip down my memory lane.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
THE SINGING NUN
Maybe it's because I attended 13 years of Catholic school (that includes kindergarten), and got to know so many nuns on a personal level, but I've always been fascinated by movies about "brides of christ". And what better time than Christmastime to watch one of these habit-forming films?
THE SOUND OF MUSIC, AGNES OF GOD, NASTY HABITS, CHANGE OF HABIT, THE TROUBLE WITH ANGELS...just to name a few - are always required viewing in my house. As a child, THE FLYING NUN was one of my favorite shows, and I can recall asking several of my nun teachers if they could secretly fly. None of them could - but some could really SING!
Now, the true story of THE SINGING NUN is something that would make a fascinating film. The real Soeur Sourire (Sister Smile), who wrote and sang the worldwide hit song "Dominique" lived a very much different life than what Hollywood would have led us to believe.
Born Jeanne Deckers in Belgium in 1933, she joined a Dominican convent, taking the name Sister Luc-Gabrielle. She became popular among the other nuns for her beautiful songs and was encouraged by to record an album in 1963. The song "Dominique," (about an evangelist and saint who figured prominently in Belgian history) made her an international celebrity, and she adopted the stage name of Soeur Sourire . She performed in concerts and even appeared on THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW in 1964. Imagine if a nun appeared on AMERICAN IDOL today!"Dominique" sold more than 1.5 million copies, and following the success of THE SOUND OF MUSIC, a movie about her starring Debbie Reynolds, was made. Unfortunately, the movie doesn't cover the later years of her life. Around the same time as the film's release, Jeanne stopped performing, Soon after, in 1967 she left the convent and recorded her second album, titled "I Am Not a Star in Heaven". Though she was deeply religious, she grew increasingly vocal and critical of the conservatism of the Roman Catholic Church and she became an advocate of birth control (and reportedly gay rights as well). She even recorded a song entitled "Glory Be to God for the Golden Pill ." Wow.
She later opened a school for autistic children in Belgium with a "friend", Annie Pescher. By the early 1980s the Belgian government began claiming that she owed back taxes almost $50,000. Desperate to raise money, she released an updated dance music version of 'Dominique' in 1983 (need to find it on iTunes) but it failed to set the charts on fire. In 1985, she and Pescher committed suicide together by overdosing on barbiturates and alcohol, and were buried together in consecrated ground. There is a recent Italian film called SUOR SORRISO which delves into these details. I look forward to seeing it one day.Meanwhile, getting back to the movie at hand - I'd been curious about the film for years - I mean a "true story" about nuns starring Jewish-convert Debbie Reynolds her "best friend" Agnes Moorehead and everyone's favorite sexy 1970s MD - Chad Everett!!! Plus pre-FANTASY ISLAND and WRATH OF KHAN Ricardo Montalban and a cameo by Ed Sullivan himself! How could things go wrong?
Directed by war movie veteran Henry Koster , things do go terribly wrong. Well, Debbie does as well as she can as the unsinkable Sister Ann, the spunky nun who who can sing like an angel, but has a lot to learn about doing good things and butting in where she doesn't belong. She is always riding around on her motor scooter with her guitar ("Sister Adelle"), playing soccer with the boys and trying to stop peasant girls from becoming strippers - what a scamp! Moorehead is effectively bitchy as "Mother Endora" - a senior nun, who is not amused by Sister Ann's frolics.Sister Ann's real dream is to move to the African Congo to work with children, but in the meantime she befriends a lonely local little boy, Dominic, whose mother has died and whose father is an alcoholic. I think his sister (Katherine Ross) is kinda whore-ish too. Sister Ann doesn't care about the saint like the real Sister Smile, so decides to write a song about the little boy instead. Go figure.
The song goes something like this:
"Dominique, nique, nique
I will tell of Dominique
His goodness to acclaim
And I pray the song I sing
Will some simple pleasure bring
That the world shall know his name!"
I think something got lost in the translation.
When Father Clementi (Montalban) hears Sister Ann's song, he see dollar signs and enters her in a talent contest. Before you know it, old friend Everett, apparently channeling Clark Gable, shows up and signs her to a record deal and the whole world is soon listening to her silly light-hearted songs!
The album has become a sensation, and "The Singing Nun" is soon making appearances at parties and engagements, even appearing on THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW on CBS! Ironically, while preparing for the show, the nuns explain that they're forbidden to wear makeup-even though the actresses portraying them are clearly wearing lipstick and false eyelashes! Huh?
Everything seems wonderful and magical, only Sister Ann is unprepared for her new found fame-and her attraction to Everett! This is just like Sister Bertrille and Carlos - I mean what was the deal with those two?
And what of the tragedy that soon befalls Dominic and his slutty sister? Does a poor Catholic girl really need to resort to stripping to pay the rent on her cockroach infested shack?
So, if you are curious to see how sugary and fictional a Hollywood biopic can get - see THE SINGING NUN. I'll give it 6 out 10 "Huhs?" because just the thought of bawdy Debbie Reynolds (Miss Burbank 1939) and rumored lesbian Agnes Moorehead as nuns is comedy enough for me! For the record, Reynolds explicitly denied to film historian Robert Osborne that Moorehead was gay, describing her as "terribly religious." That's not what Paul Lynde had to say about her! Hmmm...
THE SOUND OF MUSIC, AGNES OF GOD, NASTY HABITS, CHANGE OF HABIT, THE TROUBLE WITH ANGELS...just to name a few - are always required viewing in my house. As a child, THE FLYING NUN was one of my favorite shows, and I can recall asking several of my nun teachers if they could secretly fly. None of them could - but some could really SING!
Now, the true story of THE SINGING NUN is something that would make a fascinating film. The real Soeur Sourire (Sister Smile), who wrote and sang the worldwide hit song "Dominique" lived a very much different life than what Hollywood would have led us to believe.
Born Jeanne Deckers in Belgium in 1933, she joined a Dominican convent, taking the name Sister Luc-Gabrielle. She became popular among the other nuns for her beautiful songs and was encouraged by to record an album in 1963. The song "Dominique," (about an evangelist and saint who figured prominently in Belgian history) made her an international celebrity, and she adopted the stage name of Soeur Sourire . She performed in concerts and even appeared on THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW in 1964. Imagine if a nun appeared on AMERICAN IDOL today!
"Dominique" sold more than 1.5 million copies, and following the success of THE SOUND OF MUSIC, a movie about her starring Debbie Reynolds, was made. Unfortunately, the movie doesn't cover the later years of her life. Around the same time as the film's release, Jeanne stopped performing, Soon after, in 1967 she left the convent and recorded her second album, titled "I Am Not a Star in Heaven". Though she was deeply religious, she grew increasingly vocal and critical of the conservatism of the Roman Catholic Church and she became an advocate of birth control (and reportedly gay rights as well). She even recorded a song entitled "Glory Be to God for the Golden Pill ." Wow.She later opened a school for autistic children in Belgium with a "friend", Annie Pescher. By the early 1980s the Belgian government began claiming that she owed back taxes almost $50,000. Desperate to raise money, she released an updated dance music version of 'Dominique' in 1983 (need to find it on iTunes) but it failed to set the charts on fire. In 1985, she and Pescher committed suicide together by overdosing on barbiturates and alcohol, and were buried together in consecrated ground. There is a recent Italian film called SUOR SORRISO which delves into these details. I look forward to seeing it one day.
Meanwhile, getting back to the movie at hand - I'd been curious about the film for years - I mean a "true story" about nuns starring Jewish-convert Debbie Reynolds her "best friend" Agnes Moorehead and everyone's favorite sexy 1970s MD - Chad Everett!!! Plus pre-FANTASY ISLAND and WRATH OF KHAN Ricardo Montalban and a cameo by Ed Sullivan himself! How could things go wrong?Directed by war movie veteran Henry Koster , things do go terribly wrong. Well, Debbie does as well as she can as the unsinkable Sister Ann, the spunky nun who who can sing like an angel, but has a lot to learn about doing good things and butting in where she doesn't belong. She is always riding around on her motor scooter with her guitar ("Sister Adelle"), playing soccer with the boys and trying to stop peasant girls from becoming strippers - what a scamp! Moorehead is effectively bitchy as "Mother Endora" - a senior nun, who is not amused by Sister Ann's frolics.
Sister Ann's real dream is to move to the African Congo to work with children, but in the meantime she befriends a lonely local little boy, Dominic, whose mother has died and whose father is an alcoholic. I think his sister (Katherine Ross) is kinda whore-ish too. Sister Ann doesn't care about the saint like the real Sister Smile, so decides to write a song about the little boy instead. Go figure.The song goes something like this:
"Dominique, nique, nique
I will tell of Dominique
His goodness to acclaim
And I pray the song I sing
Will some simple pleasure bring
That the world shall know his name!"
I think something got lost in the translation.
When Father Clementi (Montalban) hears Sister Ann's song, he see dollar signs and enters her in a talent contest. Before you know it, old friend Everett, apparently channeling Clark Gable, shows up and signs her to a record deal and the whole world is soon listening to her silly light-hearted songs!
The album has become a sensation, and "The Singing Nun" is soon making appearances at parties and engagements, even appearing on THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW on CBS! Ironically, while preparing for the show, the nuns explain that they're forbidden to wear makeup-even though the actresses portraying them are clearly wearing lipstick and false eyelashes! Huh?
Everything seems wonderful and magical, only Sister Ann is unprepared for her new found fame-and her attraction to Everett! This is just like Sister Bertrille and Carlos - I mean what was the deal with those two?
And what of the tragedy that soon befalls Dominic and his slutty sister? Does a poor Catholic girl really need to resort to stripping to pay the rent on her cockroach infested shack?
So, if you are curious to see how sugary and fictional a Hollywood biopic can get - see THE SINGING NUN. I'll give it 6 out 10 "Huhs?" because just the thought of bawdy Debbie Reynolds (Miss Burbank 1939) and rumored lesbian Agnes Moorehead as nuns is comedy enough for me! For the record, Reynolds explicitly denied to film historian Robert Osborne that Moorehead was gay, describing her as "terribly religious." That's not what Paul Lynde had to say about her! Hmmm...
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS
I was in the mood for a musical tonight - so after perusing my vast collection, I decided on THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS! This 1982 adaptation of the Broadway smash (written and directed by Colin Higgins) was a box-office hit and is fondly remembered by fans of both Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds. I have not seen this film since it's theatrical release, so I decided to revisit it 25 years later (with an open mind). Oh yeah - it's based on a true story! Yee-ha!
Narrated by Jim Nabors as if he was hosting one of those Rankin-Bass Christmas specials, we learn all about the 150-year history of this "house of ill repute" through a rousing opening number, promising us that there's nothing dirty going on. I'm still amazed how happy, perky and clean the whores are...sadly, we never get to know any of them, they are just nameless ladies of the evening.
We soon meet our co-stars Burt & Dolly - At 46, Reynolds was still in pretty good post-Cosmo centerfold shape, and Dolly was at her peak following her stunning film debut in the comedy classic 9 TO 5 - and they do have a certain folksy chemistry. Reynolds plays Ed Earl, a sheriff and Dolly is Miss Mona, a madame who runs The Chicken Ranch - a very popular local brothel. These two have an ongoing affair and all seems pretty happy in whore-ville until we meet Houston-based peckerwood/electronic bounty hunter Melvin P. Thorpe (Dom DeLuise - looking slightly slimmer than usual), who stages a musical investigative report about the bordello on his "Watchdog Report" TV show.
Thorpe then brings his crusade to the town square and confronts Burt about taking payola and protecting the whores. Burt scares the be-jesus outta Thorpe and sends him packing (or so we think!). Burt celebrates by taking Dolly camping. They have a painfully long fireside heart-to-heart about spaceships, forgiveness, Jesus, politics, America, dreams, smiles, ballerinas, Dolly's tits, monogamy and other things whores routinely discuss with sheriffs.
The shit hits the fan later that night when Thorpe appears on the local 11:00 News with footage of Ed Earl cussing and firing a gun at him. The local gentry wants to calm the townfolk down and Burt agrees to talk to Dolly into closing down for two months. After a heated argument, Dolly agrees to shut it down. Only it's the day before the big Thanksgiving football game!!! The next day, the whores watch the game on TV as they decorate for the victory party and anticipate which team they are gonna get to screw.
Next up is the best locker room song & dance number ever filmed. Lots of jockstraps and fine naked asses, followed by shirtless shuffling in boxer shorts and tight jeans. Basically, it's Texas two-step night at Oil Can Harry's. And then the eventual bus ride to the Chicken Ranch. To create drama, the bus breaks down and the boys hitch a ride with an old geezer. Dolly and the whores are all awaiting - wearing prom gowns for the special occasion - but not for long! Luckily there was one black whore for the one black football player! (After all it is the south!) I strained my eyes to see if the Asian whore found a likewise Asian footballer. Couldn't tell. Then they all FUCK! Yay!
Jim Nabors shows up at Burt's and tells him that something dirty's going on at the Ranch even though Dolly promised. Of course, Thorpe shows up with camera crew and all hell breaks loose as half-naked whores and jocks battle Thorpe and his crew. What follows as another even more heated argument between Burt & Dolly - and Dolly accuses him of being a chicken-shit sheriff in a chicken-shit town!!! I love when Dolly uses swear words! Then he calls her a "whore" (which she is, kind of). Dolly later tells her housekeeper that she loves Burt. Awww...
The Chicken Ranch soon becomes a political hot potato as the townfolk and local politicos are divided about the issue. We soon meet Oscar-nominee Charles Durning, as the Governor - and his well-remembered musical tribute to political double-talk "Sidestep". The song is clever, reminding me of "One Foot In Front of Another" from SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN - but something about Durning singing and dancing gives me a feeling of anguish. Can't explain why.
Burt and the Governor debate about the Ranch - but Gov. Durning declares to "Shut it down" after a poll claims that's what his people want. They we are "treated" to another rendition of "Sidestep" - this time with a marching band! Burt calls Dolly - apologizes for the other night and tells her to close it down...leading to my favorite Dolly Parton song ever - "Hard Candy Christmas" and some of the whores actually get a bit of airtime as they bid farewell to the cathouse they call home. The girls wave goodbye and board a Greyhound outta whore-ville and Dolly is left alone with her housekeeper. Back to narration by Jim Nabors (who's now the sheriff!).
After Dolly learns that Ed Earl went to the Governer to defend her and the whores, he pays her a visit. He tells Dolly he loves her - and she tells him she's loved him since she was 16! Then Dolly sings her chestnut "I Will Always Love You" a million times better than Whitney Houston could ever sing it! Burt then proposes marriage to Dolly (which she accepts), even though that might endanger his chances to be elected as a state legislator (he is elected anyway, after all this IS Texas!). Happy Hollywood Ending!!!
Of course, the stage play and this film take many liberties in telling the story of the infamous Chicken Ranch.
For a more accurate version of the story, visit The Chicken Ranch! The real Melvin P. Thorpe, Marvin Zindler died this past summer at 86.
I give this one a big 8 out of 10 "Huhs?" just for the candy-coated fictionalization of a real news story and for Burt's horrible singing. But there's nothing dirty going on!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
The Dollar Tree Double Feature
On a recent visit to the local Dollar Tree Store, I found an entire endcap of TWO FOR A DOLLAR dvds. After digging through hundreds, I actually found only two worth buying...and reviewing. Ladies and gentlemen I bring you The Dollar Tree Double Feature.
First up...EVEL KNIEVEL! Ever wonder how motorcycle daredevil Evel Knievel got his start? Well director Marvin J. Chomsky attempted to tell us all about it in this 1971 biopic which combines unintentional laughs as George Hamilton (looking a lot like Count Chocula) wears the helmet and real chills with clips of actual stunts (most of which end up with Knievel in the hospital). The film traces real events from Evel's life, from his early years as troubled young man to his success as the man with more broken bones in his body than anyone else.
There's plenty of white trash antics as we flashback to Evel's roots, and his career as a unsuccessful bank robber. At times I felt like I was watching an episode of MY NAME IS EVEL. The best scene involves young Evel busting into the all-girls home where his lady Linda lives. The den mother (let's call her Mrs. Garrett) seems more concerned that "there's a man in the house" than the fact that he's driving his cycle up and down the staircase and hallways looking for his gal. Another highlight is the decor of the apartment that Evel shares with his lady: one wall was black, one wall a brilliant blue and the third wall: wood paneling. The sofa? yellow leather! I kid you not. Just for that set decoration alone, this one gets 8 out of 10 "Huhs?". Also - there's a terrible theme song that we are treated to at least three times throughout the 90 minutes.
Our second feature has the unfortunate title IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME. Which of course, prompts one to ask "What time was that?". John Trent directed this 1976 Canadian romp which features John Candy (in his first film role) prominently displayed on the cover - despite him being in only two or three scenes.The plot goes something like this: Anthony Newley (Joan Collin's real-life ex) plays a washed up writer is still shagging his ex-wife money-hungry Stefanie Powers, who is unhappily remarried to a wealthy construction contractor, who's sole aim seems to be to tear down her mother's house! Are you following this? Georgia then decides to support a candidate for mayor (Llyod Bochner, who married Collins on DYNASTY) by screwing him. Newley pulls a assortment of stunts in order to attract Stefanie's attention. Somewhere along the way, there's a crazy kidnapping scam, and two dopey cops (one played by Candy) show up to save the day. There's a madcap finale involving cops dressed as garbage men. Oh boy! Issac Hayes appears as Newley's artist friend and Yvonne DeCarlo (aka Lily Munster) has a few scenes as Stef's mother.
This is the kind of wild film farces that Americans and Brits made in the 1960s - it took our friends up north a bit longer to catch on. The tiresome slapstick is a bit much to take at times, as is seeing Newley with his shirt off. This one rates only about 5 out of 10 "Huhs?" - meaning it's bad, but not worth your time and effort to watch it. Even though it might seem like a good idea at the time...
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