THE MANITOU

Here's a treat that I originally posted back in spring 2008.

THE MANITOU (1978), based on the novel by Graham Masterton, is your basic 1970s medical drama with horror elements, sort of like MARCUS WELBY, M.D. meets THE NIGHT GALLERY. It 's also cinematic tour of the entire San Francisco Bay Area! It concerns a pretty, single cable car-riding city gal named Karen (played by Susan Strasberg, daughter of acting guru Lee) who discovers a strange unexplainable growth on her upper back. After 3 days, her doctors decide it's a quickly growing tumor and decide to operate.

Luckily Karen had a muumuu-wearing phoney fortune teller friend named Harry (played by Tony Curtis who was clearly channelling Paul Lynde because he's playing the gayest banger-of-Susan-Strasberg ever), who after several attempts at giving her a "good" tarot card-reading decides that this growth may be worrisome. Later, an elderly client of Harry's becomes possessed and begins to mumble in strange languages after he deals her the "death" card - and then the old woman levitates and floats down the hallway, killing herself by falling down a flight of stairs, taking the entire wooden railing with her, section by section. This is the best scene in the film.















Meanwhile, at the Sisters of Jerusalem Hospital, Dr. Hughes attempts to remove her growth - but the surgery is called short when something forces him to cut his own hand with a scalpel. When Harry goes to visit Dr. Hughes in his futuristic office (he has a NASA-sized computer...and a red "bat-phone"!), he discovers that her growth might actually be a fetus(!) growing on the back of her neck. How did it get there? I guess maybe all that oral sex she's been having could be to blame?

Harry then decides to seek help from another psychic, so he travels down to Fisherman's Wharf to meet Amelia Crusoe (played by the usually slutty Stella Stevens - apparently in some sort of Gypsy makeup, and bordering on blackface) and her fat, bearded husband. They invite a fat, VERY fat Ann Sothern over for a séance and things only get weirder, as chandeliers start to twirl and a creepy rubber head rises out of a the center of table - and it all ends with a bolt of lightning!

Back at the hospital, Karen`s tumor continues to grow at an alarming rate, causing Harry and company to trek even further North, over the Golden Gate bridge to Sausalito - where cantankerous Dr. Snow (Burgess Meredith, aka The Penguin) resides. Snow takes the crew into his dusty attic to show them his spiderweb collection. Here The Penguin tells Harry that he thinks Karen's problem is that she has a 400 year old Native American medicine man growing on her back - and he wants revenge!!! Better get Commishoner Gordon on that bat-phone, Dr. Hughes.

Next, Harry travels all the way to South Dakota - wearing what looks like bare-ass jeans - to find John Singing Rock (played by Barbara Eden's ex-husband Michael Ansara), one of the last remaining indian medicine men, who as it turns out, has the power to send the Indian Spirit back to where he came. But will the tumor man take over Karen completely before Rock can send him back to demon land?

So Harry and Rock head back to the Bay Area where Rock sizes up the situation. He unwraps his bag of tricks and decides to induce birth. Before you know it, Karen goes into labor, soon giving back birth to a naked brown-skinned dwarf with an Alanis Morrissette face and a buff gym body (played Felix Silla from BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY) named Misquamacas or Miss Kwamacas.

The demon dwarf manages to kill an intern and break the mystic protective circle around the bed that Rock has made, and scares everybody by turning into a ridiculous-looking double exposed lizard. Then he goes all Mister Freeze and manages to create a wicked Winter Wonderland inside the hospital - even freezing the recptionist/nurse solid. So solid, that her pretty little head just snaps off. Miss Kwamacas then brings the dead orderly back to life to use as a weapon - to battle his lookalike!

In a big finale that has to be seen to be believed -Karen's hospital room then is transported into space! Karen sits up in bed wearing a giant Dottie West wig, topless (you can practically hear her dad Lee turning over in his grave!) and blasting lightning bolts and shooting electricity from her fingertips. For like 8 minutes. While Harry and the Rock duck and cover from the blasts. Over and over again. For the aforementioned 8 minutes.

Somehow the combination of Dr. Hughes and the Rock decide that Miss Kwamacas can only be defeated by turning on every computer in the hospital at the same time - causing a power surge and freeing Karen from his grasp. And it works! But not before Dr. Hughes explodes. Yes, he explodes. Much like your brain if you try to figure out this plot - which it turns out is based, not only on a novel, but also on a true story. Huh???









































From the same director of ABBY, William Girdler, who tragically died after completing this film. Imagine the great films he would have made!!! THE MANITOU gets a 7 outta 10 on the "Huh?" scale.

NBC Fall 1984 - Wednesday

Wednesday evenings on NBC in the fall of 1984 welcomed back peacock net favorites Michael Landon and Victor French (both of LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE) in a contemporary family drama called HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN.The series was a big hit for NBC - landing in the top 25 shows for its first three seasons and continuing until 1989. The show undoubtedly inspired the later CBS hit TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL.
At 9PM, one of my favorite guilty pleasures, THE FACTS OF LIFE was in the middle of its nine season run (1979-88). The show started as a spin-off of DIFF'RENT STROKES with chubby Mrs. Garrett (Charlotte Rae) and a gaggle of girls at the Eastland School including Molly Ringwald as Molly. In 1980 the show got an overhaul and only chubby rich snob Blair (Lisa Whelchel), chubby Jewish adopted chick Natalie (Mindy Cohn) and eventually chubby rollerskating Tootie (Kim Fields) remained. Joining them now was non-chubby tough tomboy Jo (Nancy McKeon). As the show evolved Edna's girls moved on from Eastland to Langley College. Mrs G. went from housemother to dietitian to running Edna's Edibles to a gift shop called Over Our Heads. When Charlotte Rae left the show, Cloris Leachman came aboard as her sister Beverly Ann. Along the way young George Clooney and cerebral palsy afflicted comedienne Geri Jewell made frequent appearances. There were also two NBC TV-movies: FACTS OF LIFE GO TO PARIS (1982) and FACTS OF LIFE DOWN UNDER (1987) which introduced annoying Australian student Pippa. An abysmal 2001 TV-movie called FACTS OF LIFE REUNION aired on ABC as an episode of THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY. Don't ask. In real life, Kim Fields later became the star of the FOX hit LIVING SINGLE and Lisa Whelchel became a right-wing Christian whacko. Nancy McKeon shows up now and again on Lifetime and Mindy Cohn is alive and well.
IT'S YOUR MOVE, airing at 9:30 is notable for introducing us to Jason Bateman. Jason later went on to star in the likable VALERIE/VALERIE'S FAMILY/THE HOGAN FAMILY (1986-91) followed by a string of other short-lived sitcoms including the gay-themed SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS (2001). He, of course, eventually found fame as the star of the hysterical FOX cult hit ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT (2003-2006) which he parlayed into feature films. Supposedly there is a AD film in development, which this fan thinks is a bad idea.
IT'S YOUR MOVE lasted only 18 episodes. ST. ELSEWHERE followed at 10PM.
There so much to say about this MTM-produced series that it would require its own post. (Maybe I'll get to that one day). Suffice to say that this medical drama, set at Boston's St. Eligius Hospital, was the best doctor show ever broadcast on US network television. You can keep your ERs, CHICAGO HOPEs and GRAY'S ANATOMYs, ST. ELSEWHERE has already been there and done that tens times better. The show was never a "hit", but it was a critical darling and constant award winner. It ran from 1982 to 1988 and it's powerhouse cast included veteran actors Ed Flanders, Norman Lloyd and William Daniels, and notable "newcomers" like David Morse, Alfre Woodard, Bruce Greenwood, Christina Pickles, Begley, Jr., Stephen Furst, Howie Mandel, Mark Harmon and Denzel Washington. To me, the recent NURSE JACKIE, is the only show that comes close to recapturing the feel of St. Eligius. Tomorrow: Thursday.

NIGHT NURSE

NIGHT NURSE (1931, directed by William A. Wellman) is a wacky pre-code melodrama about a very determined young lady named Lora Hart (played by a very young Barbara Stanwyck) who wanders in off the street into a hospital and asks for a job. An bitchy old nurse named "Miss Dillon" (I'll call her "Dildo") tells her to take hike. As luck would have it, Lora literally bumps into the hospital's chief of staff, Dr. Bell in a revolving door and he takes a shine to her, after he picks up the entire contents of her purse, he orders Dildo to hire her. Dildo assigns Lora to share a room with perky Miss Maloney (Joan Blondell), who first helps her undress and try on a nurse's uniform. The two quickly become best friends...and possibly more. Maloney seems to like spending time getting Hart into her underwear, and when some prankish interns hide a skeleton in Lora's bed, she readily climbs into Maloney's and snuggles up to her. After Dildo punishes the girls with assigning them to the night shift, Lora treats a bootlegger for a gunshot wound and he charms her into not reporting it to the police. He thanks her by sending her a bottle of rye to help her get through her final nursing exam. I guess if this was made toady, he would be a crack dealer.

After passing her training, Lora is quickly hired to look after two sick rich kids, at the mansion of their drunken mother, Mrs. Ritchie. Hmmm..wonder if her first name is Nicole? When a drunken house guest tries to rape her, a sexy chauffeur (Clark Gable) comes to her rescue. Clark then demands that she pumps Mrs. Ritchie's stomach, when Lora refuses -he punches Lora out cold! Huh???

Lora soon discovers that the sick kid's doctor, Dr. Ranger has been neglecting the children, in fact they are being slowly starved to death! Hmmm, Nicole Ritchie...starving...is this 1931 or 2008?

Lora then quits her job and reports the negligent doc to Dr. Bell. Bell tells Lora to return to the house to play Nancy Drew. Dr. Ranger agrees to take her back. Meanwhile, the little girl has grown sicker and weaker - why doesn't Lora just feed the damn kids??? Mrs. Ritchie could get a shit about her kids, so Lora turns to Mortie the bootlegger to help her save the child. Lora get Mortie to buy milk (he's not sure where they sell it - so he goes to a Kosher deli) to bathe the girl in. The housekeeper, who I'll call Hazel, gets drunk and tells Lora that she suspects that the chauffer and Dr. Ranger are in cahoots - and their plan is to kill the kids so they can get to their trust fund money! Mrs. Drinkie, um Mrs. Ritchie wants to marry the chauffeur, so this should be easy. Mortie convinces Dr. Bell to step in and help, but when he tries to get the girl to the hospital, the chauffeur punches him! Bad Clark Gable, bad!

Luckily Lora has the same blood type as the little girl, so an emergency transfusion saves the day! Yay! So, Mortie the bootlegger tells Lara he took care of the chauffeur, who arrives shortly at the hospital morgue.

The end. This movie was pretty crazy. It's certainly a curiosity just to see how the world of doctors, nurses and hospitals were perceived over 75 years ago. Also, to see how women were portrayed in pre-code films. Having also recently seen THREE ON A MATCH and FEMALE - it's easy to see where shows like SEX & THE CITY and UGLY BETTY have their roots. Of course, the morals and situations have changed, but the basic premise of "career girls" can be traced back to films of this era. I give NIGHT NURSE 6 "Huhs?" - if only it was more like the campy four-issue 1970s Marvel Comic of the same name.