Rugby Songs (Volume Two) by The Jock Strapp Ensemble

My good friend Wyndham gave me this LP cover oddity a few years back - and it still leaves me speechless everytime I look at it.  I mean, I can totally appreciate the cover photo, but what's really going on here?

Well it looks like The Jock Stapp Ensemble are back for another volume of traditional Rugby songs - ditties that have entertained fans for, um hundreds of years? Some of the songs included are  "The Portions of a Woman" (sounds like a French film about an axe murderer), "Balls to Your Partner", "Large Balls", "The Harlot of Jerusalem" (this sounds a wee bit out of place here) and "Yo Ho, You Ho, Eskimo Nell" (this sounds very out of place here). Unfortunately the record was not included in the package, but maybe I can find The Jock Strapp Ensemble on iTunes. Maybe not. Either way, it's certainly a conversation piece - and it got me thinking as to what a Rugby Songs cd might look like if it came out today. Maybe something like this:

Hollywood Liberals vs. Real Americans

If you believe the GOP (and by the results of last week's election - very few do)–there are two Americas: them & us. Basically it's the big city folk verses the country bumpkins. Wouldn't it be great if some TV network took a well-balanced in-depth look at this issue? It would require two big hours of prime-time to fairly cover such a broad range of topics. Viewers could choose a side and maybe by the end of the program, see what it would be like to walk in the other's shoes. Well, back in 1980 NBC already did this. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... the CITY VS. COUNTRY SHOWDOWN!
Yes, that's right, hosted by QUINCY himself, Jack Klugman - two teams of "celebrities" competed in stunts such as  country "chores" like chasing a greased pig, milking a cow, and throwing hay bales. Yee-haa! To balance things out, several "city" events like basketball, jump rope and "chicken fights" in a swimming pool were also mounted. How urban! This makes US AGAINST THE WORLD sound positively riveting.  The "City" team included Charlene (DALLAS) Tilton (I would have thunk she was country!), Larry (CHiPs) Wilcox, Bowzer from Sha Na Na, Linda (DYNASTY) Evans and Grant (EIGHT IS ENOUGH) Goodeve. The "Country" team featured Tanya (TNT) Tucker, Melissa (LITTLE HOUSE) Gilbert, Glen Campbell, Barbi (HEE HAW) Benton and Susan (GOLDENGIRL) Anton. More than 20 Hollywood Stars!!! Wow - what a trainwreck! I wish I had this on VHS - Does anybody out there have it??? This would make a great Thanksgiving viewing party.

Who needs The Olympics?

Well, 30 years ago NBC apparently didn't, because they broadcast their own international sporting event - US AGAINST THE WORLD II (The first edition ran the previous season).
Taking a cue from ABC's very sucessfull BATTLE OF THE NETWORK STARS and CBS's CELEBRITY BATTLE OF THE SEXES, the peacock network mounted what they hoped be an annual "event". Imagine an celebrity athletic show hosted by Gabe (WELCOME BAK KOTTER) Kaplan! Among the stars participating - Ed (TONIGHT SHOW) McMahon, Dick (AMERICAN BANDSTAND) Clark, Dan (GRIZZLY ADAMS) Haggerty, Scott (JOANIE LOVES CHACHI) Baio, Jimmie (J.J. on GOOD TIMES) Walker, Gavin (LOVE BOAT) MacLeod, Melissa (LITTLE HOUSE) Gilbert, Ted (MARY TYLER MOORE) Knight, Cloris (PHYLLIS) Leachman, Kristy (FAMILY) McNichol, Connie (ABC MOVIE OF THE WEEK) Stevens, William (STAR TREK) Shatner, Rich (talk show guest) Little, Bo (WALKING TALL) Svenson, LeVar (ROOTS) Burton, Britt (trophy wife) Ekland, Barbara (VALLEY OF THE DOLLS!!!) Perkins, Victoria (DALLAS) Principal, Fionnula (HOW THE WEST WAS WON) Flannigan and Dick (EIGHT IS ENOUGH) Van Patton! Whew!

Wow! All those big stars! All that sweat! I wonder what celebrities the "international" teams featured? I also wonder who looked the better in a Speedo - Dan Haggerty or Dick Van Patten? Well - we know Dick was in good shape because he had just modeled for this great EIGHT IS ENOUGH tie-in product:
I mean, you really have to be in peak athletic condition to A) Fly a kite B) Keep youngest son Adam Rich away from the drug pushers (pictured in the rear) and C) outrun the family of kite-loving bears that you are taunting with your yellow kite. Priceless.

I guess US AGAINST THE WORLD II didn't take off in the ratings because we didn't see a third edition, which is sad because imagine if the show was still on today. Who would be representing the USA in an all-star competition? Cast members of THE HILLS? Hulk Hogan's family? The Kardashians? Maybe we're better off.