Sooner or Later: The Special Edition

Here's another "rerun" post from the old days (2007) -enhanced with new images!Imagine a 13-year-old Julie Kavner lookalike named Jessie. Now imagine Jessie reading a trashy romance novel in class when she's supposed to be watching a slide show about the birds and the bees. You see, Jessie's a bit mature for her age and her teacher Lynn Redgrave knows this. Lynn also knows how to put in a plug for the original BIONIC WOMAN series, which had just jumped to NBC the very season that SOONER OR LATER originally aired.After school, Jessie makes a trip to the local mall with her nerdy blonde friend (we will call her Penny Pingleton because I don't think they ever say her name!). Once at Gimbels, Hollywood relic Vivian Blaine gives Jessie a makeover that transforms her into a 16-year-old whore. Then Viv charges Jessie $10 for a jar of Pond's Cold Cream. Outside of the mall, Michael Sky (Rex Smith) his Sky Band are giving a free concert. Jessie rushes to the stage and stares at Rex with his Leif Garrett hair, Godspell suspenders and camel toe. We can tell she's already smitten.

Next up we see Jessie in her bedroom, teaching herself to play guitar. Penny thinks she sucks, and tells her to get real lessons. Oh, then Penny tells Jess how she wants to makeout with her dentist. This gives me the creeps. Especially when we see her dentist - he looks like Larry from THREE'S COMPANY. Jess decides Penny is right and takes the bus crosstown with her guitar, fending off all the mean folks who ride the bus. She arrives at the Eddie Nova Guitar Institute, where TV Land survivor Morey Amsterdam charges her $10 bucks for a guitar lesson - taught by...guess who? Michael Sky! With his lion's mane of hair, shirt wide open and ultra tight jeans, Jessie's putty in his hands. I think we learn that he's 17. Once back home, we meet Jessie's cool mom (Barbara Feldon), who we will call "99".For her second lesson , Jess decides to dress to impress and starts to tell Rex lies about herself, saying she's 16, goes to Catholic High School and likes to jog. Rex drives her home, where she wipes off here make-up in time to light some candles in an obviously Jewish ceremony. We now meet Jess's dad - Judd Hirsch from TAXI!The next day, Jess goes jogging (wearing an ascot!) as "You Take My Breath Away" by Rex Smith blares over the soundtrack. Jess meets up with Rex and pretends to twist her ankle to have him pay more attention to her. Afterwards, Rex takes his friends for a ride and we meet a slutty redhead who wants to get in Rex's pants! Later Jessie is seen putting on her makeup on the bus...and then sneaks into a crowd of high school girls so Rex will think she's as old as them when he picks her up.
At a Sky Band rehearsal, slutty redhead tells Jess that she was wondering if Rex was gay! After the rehearsal, Rex offer Jess a beer and then forces her to perform a song with him in front of all his friends. She does and they kiss!

Next, Jess is back home for a boring Jewish dinner. Grandma complains that the soup is too salty - AFTER she eats most of it! Then Judd puts in a plug for DAYS OF OUR LIVES. (wow that makes two NBC references that are both still relevant!! Editor's note: the new BIONIC WOMAN has since been cancelled) Next Judd & 99 share an uncomfortable discussion about sex and who is gonna tell Jessie all about it. Grandma then takes upon herself to tell Jessie about her love for an older boy when she was a teen. The next day, Rex asks Jess out to see MANDINGO!!! Holy shit - MANDINGO!!!

While he readies himself for a date with 99, Judd treats us all to "Sunrise, Sunset" from FIDDLER ON THE ROOF - Wow they really are Jewish! Jessie is all impatient with her parents because she wants them to leave so she can sneak out with Rex. The parents and Granny leave, and Rex picks up Jess and takes her to the drive-in. Jess nervously orders EVERYTHING from the snack bar and eats it all. They then make out and Jess tells Rex that she's loved him since the shopping mall. Rex can tell she is hiding something from him. She confesses "I'm not Catholic...and I'm 13".
Rex freaks out and drives her home. She tells him she loves him and she didn't mean to be a tease. He drives away and she proceeds to eat an entire Sara Lee chocolate cake...and cries. She really is a young Julie Kavner! Meanwhile Rex buys a beer and redhead slutty girl tries to get all up on him. He rejects her...again. The next day, Jessie is sad, 99 tries to talk to her about sex -but there's nothing this little bitch doesn't already know, after all she's seen MANDINGO! Then 99 tells her about the older boy at sleepaway camp. Hmmm...first Grandma, then 99, then Penny now Jess...all young girls LOVE older guys!!!

In the end, Morey tries to teach Jess some fancy guitar moves, but then Rex shows up at the music school wearing gold cowboy boots and proclaims that he loves her back - and then they pledge to "take it real slow"...
Wow - what an epic love story. Denise Miller is really charming as young Jessie, and the film is highly watchable, despite the underlying creepy subtext about young girls and older guys. Penny even has a framed photo of Burt Reynolds in her bedroom - and she's overjoyed when she develops a cavity -another excuse to visit her sleazy dentist!

Special thanks to Brett Freedman for lending me this dvd. I can see why he loves it so much. This one's a keeper! 10 out of 10 "Huhs".

Another World 50th Anniversary: TV Guide Ads

Over its 35 years on NBC, ANOTHER WORLD was occasionally promoted by the network. Here is a collection of TV Guide print advertisements that appeared during the 1980s and 1990s.

The Passion Never Ends was NBC's tagline for its daytime line-up back in the early 80s. Of the 4 soaps featured in these ads, only one, DAYS OF OUR LIVES is still airing on the network. In fact, DAYS is the last soap standing on the peacock network. AW's heroine Rachel Cory (Victoria Wyndham) is trapped! She is married to powerful publishing magnate Mac Cory - but pregnant with the child of sexy con-man Mitch Blake (William Gray Espy)!

Apparently things have gone from bad to worse for Rachel as now Mitch has been shot - and she could now be charged with his murder. Spoiler: He didn't die, he just left the show and came back years to be reunited with his teen-age son Matt. Notice Mac Cory's daughter Iris Wheeler (Beverly McKinsey) in the ad for her short-lived spin-off series TEXAS.

Bask in our Afterglow. THE DOCTORS and TEXAS are now gone - replaced by SEARCH FOR TOMORROW (transplanted from CBS) and the early reality show called FANTASY (hosted by the odd trio of Peter Marshall, Leslie Uggams and Glen Scarpelli!). ANOTHER WORLD was deep into the love triangle between Mac Cory's son Sandy (Chris Rich), his wife Blaine Ewing (Laura Malone) and the brilliantly conniving Cecile DePoulignac (Nancy Frangione). It was around this time that Cecile hired Alma Rudder (the chilling Elizabeth Franz), a crazed mountain woman to kidnap and poison Blaine AND to dress up as a giant Raggedy Ann doll and torment poor Blaine. It was pure genius!

Cecile's best friend Donna Love (Anna Stuart) didn't like the fact that her brother Peter (John Hutton) was going to marry the very common Sally Frame (Mary Page Keller), so Donna employed Cecile to break up the romance between them. It worked. :)
Ah, Cecile strikes again! Have I mentioned how she is my all-time favorite AW character? Followed closely by Donna Love. Nancy Frangione and Anna Stuart were incredible whenever they shared screen time. It was always a bitchfest royale!
Here's an odd ad for an Engagement Calendar that also promoted a bizarre storyline involving a killer named "Ross" who did in a bunch of minor characters. Pictured: Donna Love, Catlin Ewing (Thomas Ian Grffith), Kathleen McKinnon (Julie Osburn), Sally Frame, Cecile DePoulignac, Ross (Robert Phalen), Cass Winthrop (Stephen Schnetzer) and Nurse Emily Benson (Alexandra Neil). By the way, I think this was around the time Cecile became the Queen of Tanquir.Sally Frame, who was dumped by Peter Love eventually fell in love with Catlin Ewing. The two became a super-couple and were well on their way to the altar. Unfortunately Catlin's dead wife Brittany Peterson decided to show up. Played by EDGE OF NIGHT's Sharon Gabet - Brittany was left deaf mute after a boating accident. Gabet's performance was amazing.

Catlin was torn between Sally and Brittany. He eventually chose Sally and Brittany ended up with Peter Love! (see above). Unfortunately Peter (now played by Marcus Smythe) evolved into a villain in the tradition of his father Reginald (John Considine) and ended up on the wrong side of Brittany's shotgun.

Fanny Grady aka romance novelist Felicia Gallant (Linda Dano) married Brittany's rescuer Zane Lindquist (Patrick Tovatt) in a lavish ceremony attended by Liberace!
Evil mastermind Carl Hutchins (Charles Keating), ex-husband of Donna Love returned to Bay City to settle and old score with Mac Cory. Along the way he terrorized the hot young lovers Jake McKinnon (Tom Eplin as Kathleen's cousin), Marley Love (Ellen Wheeler as Donna's "sister"), Nancy McGowan (Jane Cameron as Rachel's sister) and Chris Chapin (Don Scardino).

As a result of Carl's machinations, a jar of poisoned dust travelled throughout Bay City killing off some minor characters.

The Sin Stalker came to Bay City and killed off a bunch of beloved minor characters like Maisie the waitress and glamorous architect Quinn Harding (Petronia Paley). Crystal Gayle managed to survive though - and got to perform the new theme song.

One will be betrayed. One will disappear, One will die. Jake and Marley broke up thanks to Marley's twin Victoria; Catlin became a widower when Sally (now played by ALL MY CHILDREN transplant Taylor Miller) was killed by Carl Hutchins; Kathleen disappeared and Cass set to to find her. Carl Hutchins eventually tried to kill her too.

Donna Love (now played by Philece Sampler, who was an amazing Renee DiMera on DAYS) was swept away again by her former stable boy Michael Hudson (Kale Brown)-but an affair with his Viet Nam vet brother John (David Forsyth) put an end to their happiness.

Another serial killer tormented Bay City. I'm not sure if this was Dr. Alan Glaser or Dr. Fax Newman, in fact Dr. Bailey Thompson and Dr. Taylor Benson were also twisted. One raped Sharlene Frame (Anna Holbrook) when she was a child, the other tried to kill her with an exploding boat. Bay City had its share of crazed doctors.

Yay! Cecile's back! The producers would convince Nancy to come back to the show every few years to spice things up- and it always worked. Especially when teamed with Cass Wintrop.

The show celebrated it's 25th Anniversary in style with a week-long reunion party that brought many much-loved characters from the Matthews and Frame family trees. This ad featured hot young super-couple Sam Fowler (Mitch Blake's younger brother, played by Robert Kelker-Kelly) and Amanda Cory (Rachel's daughter, played by Sandra Ferguson).

Two two "hosted" 2 special episodes that examined the changing rules of romance and sex in the 1990s.I'm not sure if this ad in in the right order, but whatever. Here we have Michael Hudson and Donna Love (notice Philece's head on Anna Stuart's body); Lisa Grady (Felicia's neice, played by Joanna Going) and Jamie Frame (Rachel's son, now played by ALL MY CHILDREN vet Larry Lau); and Cheryl McKinnon (Kathleen's baby sister played by Kristen Marie) and my favorite AW hunk ever Scott LaSalle (the son of Reginald Love, played by Hank Cheyne).

The final ad for ANOTHER WORLD - Jake McKinnon is determined to win back Paulina Cory (Mac Cory's daughter, played by the stunning and talented Judi Evans) from Ian Rain (Julian McMahon in his pre-NIP/TUCK days).

Top Tensploitation: TV (2012 Edition)

A lot of TV critics' Top Ten lists seem to be very similar. BREAKING BAD, HOMELAND, MODERN FAMILY, WALKING DEAD, blah, blah, blah. Full of "edgy" and "daring" shows that I have no interest in watching. My list is just a bunch of shows that I enjoy week after week and as a part-time producer, ones that I wish I was involved with.

1) MAD MEN (AMC, Sundays) Back in top form after a hiatus. What can I say? This show is perfection. The most compelling cast and storytelling out there. While others have tried to imitate it's success (PLAYBOY CLUB, PAN AM, THE HOUR, MAGIC CITY and most recently VEGAS) - none were even able to come close. It's hard to pick the best episode or scene of the season because in my eyes it was all great. This is perhaps the best serialized TV drama of all time. There, I said it.

2) DOWNTON ABBEY (PBS, Sundays) Just having seen all of Season 3 (premiering in January on PBS) - this show keeps chugging along with all it's grand soapiness. Outshining and outliving the disappointing UPSTAIRS, DOWNSTAIRS revival - the Downton imitators are soon on their way. Julian Fellows' TITANIC miniseries was well-done in a very similar storytelling style, but ABC buried it over a summer weekend and it was barely noticed.

3) REVENGE (ABC, originally Wednesdays, now Sundays) I was late to the Revenge craze - watching all of Season 1 over one week in late summer in time for the Season 2 premiere. The first season was amazing - a rollicking rollercoaster ride of a mystery that kept me guessing all along the way. Unfortunately, Season 2 has been a huge disappointment - hopefully the show can get back on track.

4) SMASH (NBC, originally Mondays, now Tuesdays) The most entertaining pilot of 2012 led to the campiest bitchfest of a musical ever seen on TV. Great songs and over-the-top production numbers made this show watchable week after week and the backstage Broadway antics may have been unrealistic - but this "GLEE for grownups" made for perhaps the gayest hour of TV ever. I'm really looking forward to see what changes Season 2 brings in February.

5) HAPPY ENDINGS (ABC, originally Wednesdays, now Tuesdays) Funny, dirty, funny, sexy, funny, silly. I never fail to "laugh out loud" each week as these 6 "friends with issues" work with (or against) each other week after week to figure out life and love in the 2010s. Paired with the cartoony B IN APT. 23 for an hour of charming comedy.

6) EPISODES (Showtime) Season 2 of this behind-the-scenes sitcom was even funnier than the first. Great work by all. Looking forward to more.

7) DALLAS (TNT, originally Wednesdays, now Mondays). They said it couldn't be done. Off the top of my head, other than DEGRASSI, it's hard to recall any revival series that was successful. Okay, maybe 90210 - but does anybody even watch that? This revival picked up where the original left off and used the show's rich history to weave in new characters without neglecting the veterans. It will be interesting to see where Season 2 goes after Larry Hagman's death.

8) COMMUNITY (NBC, Thursdays) TV's most underrated and under-appreciated sitcom and the only NBC Thursday night show worth watching anymore continued to amuse, charm and tickle. What will happen now that creator Dan Harmon and co-star Chevy Chase are leaving?

9) PORTLANDIA (IFC) I'd describe this show as 'LITTLE BRITAIN meets TWIN PEAKS'. It's quirky and hipster-ish and while I've never lived in Portland, it somehow seems to get it all right. Clever and unique.

10) DAYS OF OUR LIVES (NBC, Weekdays) Salem continued to keep my attention this year despite some missteps (Alamania, Stefano's "murder", the new Celeste). Fun storylines like the "Daysaster" and Eileen Davidson's return as Kristin Blake have been balanced out by great dramatic turns like the Will/Sonny relationship and Caroline Brady's Alzheimer's plotline. We said goodbye to favorites Lexie Carver, Bo Brady, Carrie Brady and Jack Devereaux - but welcomed back some beloved characters as well (Eric Brady, Nurse Maxine, Nick Fallon, Doug and Julie). Behind-the-scenes drama led to a quick disposal of Madison James and Ian McAllister and a few others - but Dr. Marlena Evans finally took the spotlight in some well-written scenes with her gay grandson Will and her newly-returned nemesis Kristin. While ratings have been up & down - I feel the show is a solid contender and with the popularity of serial drama once again on the rise - DAYS may be around for a few more good years.

So, you may ask, what dropped out of my TOP 10 from last year? Well, let's take a look:

PARKS & RECREATION (NBC, Thursdays) Still a well-made show - but I've dropped it from my regular viewing because it just wasn't as funny as it used to be. Not sure why.

UPSTAIRS DOWNSTAIRS (PBS, Sundays) A disappointing second season was a poor exit for the revival of the TV classic. Be forewarned DALLAS.

LOUIE (FX, Thursdays) Some great episodes this season - but overall I found it too depressing to keep watching.

WILFRED (FX, Thursdays) The concept wore really thin, really fast for me.

and finally...

AMERICAN HORROR STORY (FX, Wednesdays) - Last year this show was my #1 pick. My favorite series of the entire year. This season, however...it has become a weekly dose of "torture porn". It is so sad to see great actors like Jessica Lange, Sarah Paulson, James Cromwell, Clea DuVall, Chloe Sevigny and others demean themselves week after week in a series of violent, pointless and just plain dumb scenarios. Plus, it's not even scary anymore. I gave ASYLUM a fair chance and lastedabout 6 or 7 episodes when I decided I just couldn't take it anymore. To see this show still on some critics Top 10 lists sickens me. Never has a series gone from great to utter crap so quickly. Not sure if it will ever redeem itself.

That's how I see it. Feel free to discuss. Happy New Year!

Top Tensploitation: TV (2011 Edition)

Because you can never get enough of people telling you what THEY like best, here's my second annual Top Ten TV Shows list. 

1) AMERICAN HORROR STORY (FX, Wednesdays 10PM) - An incredibly addictive pastiche of gothic soap, softcore porn and Grand Guignol horror that added up to an incredibly well-cast and well-acted concoction delivering some of the campiest over-the-top dialogue this (or any other) season. 

While the men (Dylan McDermott, Zachary Quinto, Evan Peters) were pretty to look at, it was the women (Connie Britton, Frances Conroy, Kate Mara, Jamie Brewer and the force of nature that is Jessica Lange) that made this exploration of urban legends and unsolved Hollywood mysteries must-see TV.

While the season finale was a bit disappointing, overall the show kept me guessing and laughing-out-loud all season long.

2) DOWNTON ABBEY (PBS, Sundays 9PM) - A touch of class, this British import showed us how great TV can be done. A sumptuous soap in the grand tradition of the original UPSTAIRS, DOWNSTAIRS and Robert Altman's GOSFORD PARK. A fine cast and a lush soundtrack made this MASTERPIECE an instant classic. Looking forward to season 2.

3) COMMUNITY (NBC, Thursdays 8PM) - The funniest, smartest, most original and lowest rated sitcom on NBC's Thursday night schedule. Season 3 is turning out to be even more brilliant than the previous two. The cast is more lovable than ever, (and who would have thought that I've ever say that about Chevy Chase?) The show is about to go on on hiatus…and I can't imagine how lonely Thursday nights will be without Jeff, Britta, Troy, Abed, Annie, Shirley, Dean Pelton, Señor Chang and yes Chevy Chase's Pierce. Hoping that there will be a season 4.

4) EPISODES (Showtime, Sundays 9:30PM) - Anyone who's ever taken a meeting with studio or network "suits" can relate to this hysterical and realistic look at how a great British series gets reworked into a dreadful Matt LeBlanc sitcom. Stephen Mangan and Tamsin Greig are painfully wonderful as Sean and Beverly Lincoln, whose "baby" (Lyman’s Boys) gets transformed into something called Pucks. Mircea Monroe is brilliant as network "yes woman" Morning Randolph and John Pankow is terrific as her slimy boss Merc Lapidus. Oh, yeah that guy playing Matt LeBlanc nails it.

5) HAPPY ENDINGS (ABC, Wednesdays 9:30PM) - Finally, a show that takes the FRIENDS concept to the next level and makes it work. Eliza Coupe is Jane, a control-freak and perfectionist. Jane is married to Brad (the super-sexy Damon Wayans, Jr.), her loyal husband. Brad's best friends are food truck operator Dave (Zachary Knighton ) - who used to be engaged to Jane's sister Alex - and Max (Adam Pally), the best, most realistic gay character EVER on TV. Max is sarcastic, unkempt and constantly unemployed. A far cry from cliched gay characters on shows like MODERN FAMILY and GLEE. Alex (Elisha Cuthbert) owns and operates a boutique called Xela ("Alex" backwards) and is roommates with desperate and single Penny (the awesome breakout Casey Wilson). A standout on ABC's otherwise dull line-up.

6) PARKS & RECREATION (NBC, Thursdays 8:30PM) - A show which gets better every time you watch it. At first a poor clone of THE OFFICE, the show has now evolved into something greater. Amy Poehler leads a great ensemble that includes standouts Aziz Ansari, Nick Offerman, Aubrey Plaza, Rashida Jones, Chris Pratt, Retta, Jim O'Heir and Adam Scott. Stunt-casting Rob Lowe during season 2 didn't really add anything to the show, but didn't detract either. Who would have thought that small city government would make an interesting and hysterical series? Not I.

7) UPSTAIRS, DOWNSTAIRS (PBS, Sundays 9PM) - The grandaddy of British class-war soaps was back with Jean Marsh recreating her role of Rose Buck, as a new family moves into 165 Eaton Place. Overshadowed by the much grander DOWNTON ABBEY, this three-part revival was a wonderful effort and long overdue. For more on the history of UPSTAIRS, DOWNSTAIRS go here.

8) LOUIE (FX, Thursdays 10PM) - Stand-up genius Louis CK writes, directs, edits and produces the saddest. most depressing sitcom ever. The storylines are dark, the situations awkward and you can't help but feel uncomfortable watching, but the show almost always manages to make me laugh out loud.

9) WILFRED (FX, Thursdays 10:30PM) - If my dogs could talk, they would be Wilfred. Based on an Australian series, Elijah Wood stars as Ryan, a suicidal mess who befriends his neighbor's mischievous mutt (Jason Gann, reprising his Aussie role). Wilfred smokes cigarettes and pot, drinks beer, eats human food, and is a bad influence on Ryan. The show is absurd, distasteful and wickedly funny.

10) DAYS OF OUR LIVES (NBC, Weekdays 1PM) - I know. I'm crazy. I grew up watching DOOL in the 70s and 80s. I watched it sporadically in the 90s and 2000s, and somehow found my way back to Salem in 2011. While GUIDING LIGHT, AS THE WORLD TURNS, ALL MY CHILDREN and soon ONE LIFE TO LIVE have all called it quits - DAYS has been revitalized by returning to its roots: bringing back beloved characters and actors and finally welcoming a gay storyline. While it may not be Shakespeare, this show has survived convoluted continuity, demonic possession and a dreadful year where every major character was "killed" and transported to another dimension. With only three other daytime soaps left (GENERAL HOSPITAL on ABC, YOUNG & THE RESTLESS and BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL on CBS), DAYS' days may be numbered, but I'm hoping it pulls through.

Missing from 2011's group are MAD MEN (no new episodes), IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA (a very uneven season), BETTER OFF TED (sadly, cancelled), NURSE JACKIE (a concept that has run it's course), WEEDS (why is this still on?), HOT IN CLEVELAND (novelty has worn thin), ARCHER (novelty has worn VERY thin) and clip shows (THE DISH and INFOMANIA are gone, TOSH.0 has become torture porn, CHELSEA LATELY, THE SOUP and FASHION POLICE are still good background while blogging). There are also shows that I had high hopes for (PLAYBOY CLUB, PAN AM) that never took off, some shows I missed the boat on (REVENGE, BOARDWALK EMPIRE, RAISING HOPE) and "good" shows that I have no interest in (HOMELAND, JUSTIFIED, BREAKING BAD, SONS OF ANARCHY). Then there are the overrated shows (MODERN FAMILY, GLEE) and "reality" tv (no comment). Once again, CBS is suspiciously absent. This is my list and I'm sticking to it!