Harry Reems (1947-2013)

Return to THE WONDERFUL LAND OF OZ

To celebrate the opening of Disney's OZ: THE GREAT AND POWERFUL, I've decided to re-post a look at a little-known sequel to THE WIZARD OF OZ that my good friend Danny wrote way back in 2006. Take it away, Danny...

It all started innocently enough with a wonderful dinner from Kung Pao Bistro, then something went horribly wrong!!!!

For the next 70 minutes I was horrified to be watching THE WONDERFUL LAND OF OZ, a 1969 "sequel" to THE WIZARD OF OZ directed by Barry Mahon, also known for such classics as SANTA AND THE THREE BEARS, SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY

and I WAS A MAN: THE TRUE STORY OF ANSA KANSAS, AN HERMAPHRODITE (It's true - look it up on IMDB.com).

If I was naughty as a child, surely this movie was my comeuppance!!!

It was just awful! The cardboard sets, the bad lighting, the horrible singing, the crappy story, the abominable acting and the purple papier-mache cow couldn't keep me from admitting that it was leaps and bounds better than Disney's Broadway crapfest known as TARZAN.

Anyway, this surreal movie goes beyond any description, but here goes; imagine THE BRADY BUNCH is putting on a fundraiser show in their backyard.

They've chosen to do THE CRYING GAME using leftovers from Alice's old crafting night class, Carol's discarded wardrobe and costumes from an abandoned AUSTIN POWERS sequel.

And since there are so many Brady kids, they have to just throw in some other characters, including the lying translator for Cindy to play. The Story, well it's the CRYING GAME , you know, for kids.

Um, this kid, Pit (the writer/director's son) makes a Pumpkinhead, it scares the witch (who looks like a DAWN OF THE DEAD background actress) who uses her magic powders to bring it to life.

Then they sing a song. Badly. Then the witch tells Pit she's gonna turn him into a stone statue so he sings a song about not wanting to be a statue. Badly.

With the help of Pumpkinhead (read: African American slave), he escapes and goes to the Emerald City where the gay Scarecrow rules, but the cattle call girls from the abandoned AUSTIN POWERS sequel led by a drum majorette, attack the City and take over, but regret that none of them knows how to make breakfast.

Anyhoo, Tip, his slave ; gay fag friend go to the Tin Woodsman, who's getting a hot lube/rub job from some smokin' chicks, for help.

Then, they meet up with Glinda who sings a random song decently, then takes them all back to the witch to get her help in finding Ozma, the princess and rightful heir to the stool, I mean throne.

So the witch brings the whole crying game thing in by revealing that Tip isn't really a boy, he's Ozma, a girl! Just like Ansa Kansas, only opposite! The wizard transexualized him so that Ozma would not be found. Glinda says she's gonna bring Ozma back and Tip is all, "But I don't wanna die!" and well, maybe the ACTUAL DIALOGUE would explain it best...

GLINDA: "It is not exactly that you are going to be a girl. You're going to remain Tip. The girl is Ozma. You are not exactly Ozma now, you have grown into an adventurous boy. When I transform you, Ozma will be the girl, and Tip will be your spirit, a wonderful, adventurous spirit, that will float out into the land beyond, and become a part of every little boy."

Ozma comes back and the AUSTIN POWERS rejects go to Denny's for a hearty breakfast.

Oh yeah, there was a disturbing purple cow that was late on ALL of its cues. I imagine the director (sic) saying, "Moo! That's all you have to say! One word! When he stops talking, you say "Moo!" Alright, I get that you may not be able to tell he's actually talking, but when his lips stop being slightly open, you say MOOOOOOOO!!!"
This movie should be avoided at all costs. Doug (who watched it WITH Danny) rates this a 3 outta 10. Only true OZ completists and Sam Raimi need to see it - if only to see how NOT to make an OZ film.

Bonnie Franklin (1944-2013) Dale Robertson (1923-2013)

Karen Valentine's Day

Celebrate VALENTINE'S DAY with Karen and a post from 2009.

When I was a kid, Friday nights were one of my favorite nights of television. THE BRADY BUNCH, THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY, THE ODD COUPLE and LOVE, AMERICAN STYLE were all among my favorite shows. But somewhere in the middle of the night lurked the black hole known as ROOM 222.

The thing about ROOM 222 was that it was supposed to be a comedy (the first episode even had a laughtrack) - but it wasn't funny. In fact, it was depressing. Who wanted to watch a show about an inner-city high school on a Friday night???

I recently tried watching an episode to see if the show was any funnier or less depressing. Guess what? No, it wasn't.

The main focus of the show was the American history class held in Room 222 of Walt Whitman High School in Los Angeles, CA. The class was taught by Pete Dixon (Lloyd Haynes), a preachy and idealistic teacher. Pete's patient girlfriend Liz McIntyre (Denise Nicholas) was the guidance counselor. Principal Kaufman (Michael Constantine) and sweet student-teacher Alice Johnson (Karen Valentine) rounded out the cast.

Lovely Valentine later starred as Gidget in the TV film GIDGET GROWS UP, and in her own short-lived series KAREN (1975).

Karen also guest-starred on many series, including LOVE, AMERICAN STYLE and LOVE BOAT.

ROOM 222 aired on ABC from September 17, 1969 to January 11, 1974, for 112 episodes and won a bunch of Emmy Awards. The show featured appearances by many actors who went on to become stars, including Bernie Kopell, Cindy Williams, Teri Garr, Jamie Farr, Rob Reiner, Anthony Geary, Richard Dreyfuss, Kurt Russell, Mark Hamill and the late Bruno Kirby.

The melancholy theme song was by film composer Jerry Goldsmith. Here it is to depress us all...

A Dougsploitation News Special Report: One Woman or Two?

I stumbled upon a little Hollywood mystery back in 2011. After watching the trailer for a 1953 MGM musical called GIVE A GIRL A BREAK starring Debbie Reynolds, Marge Champion and an actress named Helen Wood, I came across a curious comment from a fan of the film.

"In the late 1970's-early 80's I knew Helen Wood who starred in DEEP THROAT under the name Dolly Sharp. She died in 1988. Anybody out there have any info on HELEN?".  At first I shrugged this off as someone making a dumb joke about this woman. Then I did some research.

Helen Wood was born June 4, 1917 in Clarksville, Tenn. In 1933, she won a beauty contest which resulted in a trip to Hollywood and an uncredited bit role in ROMAN SCANDALS  (1933). Taking the last train back to Clarksville, she then completed her high school education. She was soon offered a contract with MGM Studios. After her graduation, she returned to Hollywood with her mother and was cast as a Goldwyn Girl in KID MILLIONS (1934) with Lucille Ball. Many uncredited chorus girl and background roles followed in MOULIN ROGUE (1934), GOLD DIGGERS OF 1935 (1935), MARYJANE'S PA (1935), IN CALIENTE (1935), ANNA KARENINA (1935), SHE MARRIED HER BOSS (1935), THE GOOSE AND THE GANDER (1935) and A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM (1935).

In 1936, the rising starlet was named one of "The 1936 Flash Lighter Starlets" and soon was cast in speaking roles in films like MY MARRIAGE (1936), CHAMPAGNE CHARLIE (1936), HIGH TENSION (1936), CHARLIE CHAN AT THE RACE TRACK (1936), CAN THIS BE DIXIE? (1936), CRACK-UP (1936), ALMOST A GENTLEMAN (1939) and SORORITY HOUSE (1939).

Then for 10 years, Helen Wood made no film appearances. In 1949 she returned in THE PILGRIMAGE PLAY, followed by GIVE A GIRL A BREAK (1953) and her last film the burlesque comedy THE NIGHT THEY RAIDED MINSKY'S (1968). UPDATED INFO: Apparently Helen was featured in four Broadway productions from 1949 through 1957. GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES (1949-51), SEVENTEEN (1951), PAL JOEY (1952-53) and ZIEGFELD FOLLIES OF 1957 (1957). So what happened to Helen between 1957 and 1968? And what about after MINSKY'S?

In 2002, The American Museum of the Moving Image in New York ran a festival of erotic films called Carnal Knowledge, which included such classics as I AM CURIOUS YELLOW (1967), MIDNIGHT COWBOY (1969), CARNAL KNOWLEDGE (1971), KLUTE (1971), BOB & CAROL & TED & ALICE (1969), LAST TANGO IN PARIS (1972) and the notorious pornographic comedy DEEP THROAT (1972).

The program lists this information regarding DEEP THROAT: 
DEEP THROAT
1972, 73 mins. Directed by Gerard Damiano. With Linda Lovelace, Harry Reems, Dolly Sharp. As talked-about as LAST TANGO IN PARIS, DEEP THROAT premiered with a packed opening day at New York's World Theatre, expanded to seventy screens nationwide, grossed millions, and became a cultural phenomenon. Professional production values and a satiric script earned attention from critics, while Linda Lovelace became a household name. Dolly Sharp, crisply delivering one-liners, previously enjoyed a long career in Hollywood musicals (GIVE THE GIRL A BREAK) as Helen Wood.

Dolly Sharp aka Alexandra Krasneborg began HER acting career in 1971, appearing as "Lady Zazu" in MILLIE'S HOMECOMING. Six more film followed THE WEIRDOS & THE ODDBALLS (1971), HIS LOVING DAUGHTER (1971), SELLING IT (1972), SEXUAL CUSTOMS IN SCANDINAVIA (1972) and ROSEBUD (1972). And then came DEEP THROAT.

In DEEP THROAT, Dolly is cast as star Linda Lovelace's older,wiser roommate, Helen. Early in the film, there's a scene in which Linda and Helen sit beside a swimming pool chatting when Linda declares "Helen, there's got to be more to life than just screwing around." You mean like singing and dancing in MGM Musicals?

So these are the facts: Helen Wood appeared in almost two dozen Hollywood films from 1933 through 1968. Dolly Sharp began appearing in adult films three years later - making her final XXX appearance in 1973, never to be seen again.  If Helen Wood did indeed become Dolly Sharp - she would have been 54 or 55 during the filming of DEEP THROAT. This is totally plausible.

Helen Wood died February 8, 1988 in Burbank, CA leaving behind many unanswered questions. What happened to her between 1939 and 1949 and again between 1957 and 1968 is a mystery. Did she ever marry? Did she have children? Could something have happened to her during those years that would cause her to leave her glamourous MGM past behind to become a middle-aged porn star? The photographs I have posted here certainly show a resemblance between Helen and Dolly, but I have no proof that any of this is true, but the possibility of it all is fascinating. If any readers have any more info on Helen and/or Dolly, please let me know. I also wonder where in Burbank she lived... Helen are you haunting my house?

Patty Andrews (1918-2013)

MOLLY

I rewatched MOLLY over the weekend...and decided to repost my "review" from 2009 in appreciation.

I've been hearing about MOLLY (1999, directed by John Duigan) from my friends for a few years now, and with Sarah Palin in the news again, I decided maybe it was high time I sat down for a lighthearted romp about a mentally challenged woman. Why not?

The film starts off on a good note with the wonderful Holly Cole song "Onion Girl" - unfortunately things go down hill pretty fast from there.We soon are introduced to Molly McKay (Elisabeth Shue) a profoundly autistic woman of 28 (played by a 36 year old actress) who has the mind of a spoiled brat.Molly has been raised in a nursing facility after her parents were killed in a car accident and her only relative is her older brother.Buck (Aaron Eckhart) wasn't around Molly much since he was selfishly off at school and building a successful career in advertising. Now Buck finds out that the home is closing and he needs a new place for Molly to live.
Oh at this point we are told that Molly, like many autistic people has super hearing!!! Who knew???Through a series of circumstances Molly winds up living with Buck in his spacious Venice, California loft. Let the chaos ensue. Molly is quite skittish and screams in horror at the drop of a hat. Molly and Buck also don't seem to have much in common - he likes modern art and she like to pee in her pants. He likes pizza, she likes peas. Molly is also stubborn as a mule and generally answers every question asked with a resounding "NO!!!"

Also, she's obsessed with organizing her collection of shoes. Okay, so am I.

After Buck tries to drop Molly off at daycare–and is rejected–it becomes "bring your autistic sister to work day". First she presses all the buttons in the elevator with evil glee, pissing off Buck's coworkers.

Then she gets bored waiting for Buck in the reception area.

So after picking off the receptionist's dandruff,

Molly decides to strip down hollering "Molly hot!!!"

and proceeds to walk naked into a meeting with a swimwear client!

Now if Buck was an adman worth his salt, he would have pulled a Darren Stephens and figured out a way to tie Molly's nude romp into the new ad campaign. But sadly he doesn't.

As this isn't enough, as a finale, Molly decides to splash around in a fountain. Molly hot again?
Buck tries desperately to juggle his job with his new burden, but he soon ends up unemployed. This causes resentment to grown between the two siblings. Enter the hunkiest mentally challenged person ever, Sam (Thomas Jane) a former worker at the nursing home and friend to Molly - who is both her guardian angel and interpreter - because he too has a learning disability. Hot.

Sam encourages Buck to be patient with his sister. Molly's neurologist, Dr. Brookes (TV's Jill Hennessy) recommends a controversial new surgical technique that could possibly reverse Molly's mental condition. At first Buck rejects the suggestion, but then agrees to it.
Amazingly, after the procedure, Molly slowly begins to become more "normal". Buck creates a "learning checklist" for her and gradually she learns things for the first time, changing her speaking style and appearing more and more like the Elisabeth Shue we know from other hit films.
Before you know it, Molly gains full use of her cognitive reasoning, is able to have intelligent conversations and begins dancing spontaneously in restaurants.

Buck and Molly start attending baseball games, where she uses her super hearing to listen to the players and then gets into an argument with an obnoxious guy, calling him "retarded."

Molly seems to come alive as she spends more time with her brother. In fact, Molly is falling in love with Buck - and doesn't understand why brothers and sister can't be lovers. We're not sure he understands either.
Becoming more of a free spirit, Molly soon learns how to kiss from TV and decides to try it out on shy Sam. He freaks out a bit and turns to Dr. Brookes for comfort.

Molly misunderstands flies into a jealous rage over this. But things get better when Molly has a real fancy date with Sam. Even though she has transitioned to the mind of an adult, she retains her childlike innocence - like when she thinks that a stage production of Romeo and Juliet is real...and, without resistance from her posse, crawls through the audience and onto the stage during the performance,

slapping Juliet across the face and telling Romeo not to drink the poison!

Later at a fancy dinner, Molly freaks out over live lobsters, questioning why anyone would want to eat them. I'm totally with her on that. Then she decides to revisit her restaurant dance routine and Buck joins her.

Later the siblings look at old family photos and watch home movies. Before you know it, Molly begins working with autistic children and even becomes a lecturer!!! Talk about coming full circle!
Well the circle goes unbroken when things take a turn for the worse for our plucky heroine when, after she falls off a bicycle, we discover that Molly's brain is rejecting the treatment and begins to digress into her former self. Before you know it, she's back to old, autistic Molly. What do do? What do do?I'm not sure what really happened next, but Buck and Molly say goodbye, and then they are on a boat out sailing with Sam and Dr. Brookes. So, Molly goes back to being autistic, but somehow it's a happy ending.

Okay, with all apologies to readers and friends who have mentally challenged relatives, this movie is retarded. First of all, Molly is really annoying and embarrassing and then she's a genius and she's still annoying and embarrassing! No one ever calls her on any of her behavior. Buck just lets her push the elevator buttons, dance in restaurants, crawl through audiences, etc.. Never once does tell tell her "Molly, NO! Stop it - people don't do things like that." He just lets her do whatever she wants, therefore she does the craziest things because she knows she can - and it's a hoot.

I think this movie was supposed to tug at your heartstrings, but it just made me laugh. A lot. So much that I cannot wait to see it again and again. A feel-good movie so laughably awful, you actually end up feeling good. 10 out of 10. Well done, Ms. Shue you have unknowingly created the comic performance of a lifetime. I love the multilayered MOLLY...she's just like an "Onion Girl".