45 RPM Covers That Give Me the Creeps

I've always loved this song - but also felt there was something "off" about it...and this photo proves my theory. Anyways, here's a great cover version by two my favorite non-related people...same song, less icky, and very sexy. Whatever happened to Robbie?

Hollywood Liberals vs. Real Americans

If you believe the GOP (and by the results of last week's election - very few do)–there are two Americas: them & us. Basically it's the big city folk verses the country bumpkins. Wouldn't it be great if some TV network took a well-balanced in-depth look at this issue? It would require two big hours of prime-time to fairly cover such a broad range of topics. Viewers could choose a side and maybe by the end of the program, see what it would be like to walk in the other's shoes. Well, back in 1980 NBC already did this. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... the CITY VS. COUNTRY SHOWDOWN!
Yes, that's right, hosted by QUINCY himself, Jack Klugman - two teams of "celebrities" competed in stunts such as  country "chores" like chasing a greased pig, milking a cow, and throwing hay bales. Yee-haa! To balance things out, several "city" events like basketball, jump rope and "chicken fights" in a swimming pool were also mounted. How urban! This makes US AGAINST THE WORLD sound positively riveting.  The "City" team included Charlene (DALLAS) Tilton (I would have thunk she was country!), Larry (CHiPs) Wilcox, Bowzer from Sha Na Na, Linda (DYNASTY) Evans and Grant (EIGHT IS ENOUGH) Goodeve. The "Country" team featured Tanya (TNT) Tucker, Melissa (LITTLE HOUSE) Gilbert, Glen Campbell, Barbi (HEE HAW) Benton and Susan (GOLDENGIRL) Anton. More than 20 Hollywood Stars!!! Wow - what a trainwreck! I wish I had this on VHS - Does anybody out there have it??? This would make a great Thanksgiving viewing party.

Fucked Up Religious Pamphlets - 3rd in a series

While not as fucked up as previous pamphlets, something about this one just makes me wanna pee. Have you ever seen so much yellow in one place in your life? Yellow background, yellow sweater, yellow jumpsuit, blonde hair, etc. I guess the way to "Have a Happy Home" is by surrounding yourself in all things yellow. What's interesting is that the family shown here is actually outdoors...in a house-shaped box -therefore they are homeless and relying on the contents of this pamphlet to instruct them on "How" to obtain a home of some sorts. Maybe this is really a real estate brochure? I don't know - all I know is I really gotta pee.

Fucked Up Religious Pamphlets - 2nd in a series

Marjorie (to her neighbor Rona, who is visiting) : Awww, isn't she adorable? All dressed in her new pink jammies and crawling on the carpet. I'm so glad we recently had it shampooed! No nasty germs for our little girl.

Rona : She's such a doll, Marj. You and Bob are wonderful, Christian parents. Opposite sexes and all.

Bob (from the other room) : Hey honey, have you seen my hypodermic needle? I haven't shot up all day and I'm really jonesing for a fix!

Marjorie : Oh, Bob - you and the black tar heroin! You're always searching for satisfaction! No - I did not see your needle - I suggest you check in the last place you shot up!

Rona : Men! My Jerry is always misplacing his crackpipe!

Bob : Thanks, honey– I think if I retrace my steps...hmmm...I think it was the living room.

To Be Continued...

Fucked Up Religious Pamphlets - 1st in a series

Okay, what exactly is going on here? Clearly "The Way to Heaven" is what you experience when you stand up barefoot on a rickety old swing set and loosely hold on to the rusted chains while your dad pushes you really, really, hard. Luckily there isn't a cement slab underneath the swing set...or is there? This is just plain creepy.

Who's Baby Are You...Batgirl?

Here's a great new, Prince-inspired portrait of that dominoed dare-doll by fan favorite comic artist Cliff Chiang.And here's one of my  favorite old TV clips ever, the "Batgirl" theme...

TV tie-in merchandise that makes you say "SMURF!"

Hey Smurfs! - who's that giant rabbi coming over Smurf Mountain? Why, that's no giant rabbi - it's kindly Father Abraham and he's coming to Smurfland to sing some silly, smurfy songs. Songs like "Dippity Day"! "Dippity Day"? What's that sound like?
Well listen up...

How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying

After all that's been going on in the world (and in my life) for the past few days, I decided I needed to just relax and enjoy a good, simple, mindless old-fashioned musical.

What's more simple and mindless than the film version of the broadway classic,

HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING? (1967, directed by David Swift) Well, there's probably dumber and less complex movies out there, but somehow the story of overly ambitious J. Pierpont Finch's meteoric rise from window-washer to chairman of the board was just what I needed!I remember watching this film when it was on TV in the 1970s and loving every minute of it. It's easy to see why - Robert Morse as Finch is a grinning, grimacing, galloping gremlin - like a cartoon character come to life. His body language, his manic energy and innocent, yet seductive charm make him possibly one of the most magnetically watchable cinematic characters ever. Even though Finch does some despicable things to get ahead, we never stop cheering for him. I have to admit, he was my first gay crush. It's so funny to see him today, at age 77 back in the business world as Bertram Cooper on MAD MEN.Supporting actors, notably the women, like cute, perky Michele Lee (as Rosemary), commandingly funny Ruth Kobart (as Miss Jones) and the outrageously curvaceous Maureen Arthur (as Hedy LaRue) are also a joy to watch. One wonders why Kobart and Arthur didn't become bigger stars after this film.The music by Frank Loesser is quite enjoyable, with some great hummable tunes-but this story could almost work without the musical numbers. What makes this film work is the look. With brilliant color design by Disney legend Mary Blair, the sets and costumes POP off the screen and into your living room. Here's a great clip:

Set in the oh so not politically correct 1960s, it's really MAD MEN meets 9 to 5 without the irony or righteousness. It's a celebration of the old school world of businessmen, where smoking, drinking and sexual harassment were all part of the work day. The rules may have changed over the years, but the back-stabbing, ass-kissing, nepotism and corporate politics still exist - just ask anyone who works for a certain nameless movie studio.

So, if you are looking to escape into a silly saccharin 60s screwball sitcom for two hours - I highly recommend either watching this film - or playing the board game!

GAY RAGE

The Church of Latter Day Saints, Focus on the Family, the Knights of Columbus, the American Family Association and all the 52% of Californians who supported Prop 8 - you cannot take away our RIGHTS and not expect RAGE. This fight is FAR from over. The Holy War has just begun, and RAGE is gonna kick your asses. Better start praying. Oh, by the way, this has NOTHING to do with Jesus, school children or taxes. It has to do with bigotry, hatred and lies. 

VOTE, BITCHES, VOTE!!!

VOTE as if your life depends on it.

Okay, readers. I woke up today to find that my NO ON 8 lawn sign had been stolen overnight. For those of you who do not live in the state of California, Proposition 8 is

a ballot measure that would overturn state law and make same-sex marriage (which is now LEGAL in California) illegal. This proposition has been heavily funded by the Mormon Church (which doesn't even have a strong presence in the state) and the Catholic "charity" group Knights of Columbus. These two "Christian" groups and other contributors have spent way over $50 million dollars that could have been spent helping poor, hungry or sick people (you know, the kind of people Jesus cared about) - to take away MY RIGHTS as an American. And now, they have taken away MY freedom of speech by absconding my lawn sign. The lies and misinformation the YES ON 8 campaign has been spreading makes me sick. Claiming that churches will lose their tax-free status (which I think they SHOULD) and that the poor little children will be taught about gay marriage in public school (no - they'll learn about it from their own bigoted parents) - are all lies. So - if you live in California and haven't voted yet, please VOTE NO ON 8 - vote against discrimination, vote for equality, vote against the religious right and vote for fairness. Why should MY marriage make your marriage any less valid - and to think Mormons are critical of anyone else's marital rights!!! Don't get me started.

...and VOTE OBAMA!!!

PS...ignore the  YES ON 8 "public service" Ad that Google placed below - I'm trying to have it removed!

Yma Sumac 1922-2008

Her official website.

TV tie-in merchandise that makes you say "huh?"

Was the lovely Lindsay Wagner pregnant on the cover of this coloring "fun" book? It certainly looks that way...
But I don't remember The Bionic Woman ever giving birth on the show, do you?

Also, what exactly is going on here ? It looks Jamie Sommers is on a row boat with a couple of suspicious dudes. Apparently one is dressed up as a templar knight, the other guy is almost entirely cropped out of the photo. (I guess he didn't sign the release form). Bionic school-teacher Jamie is wearing a Holly Hobbie-inspired maternity top and holding a wooden oar. I guess this was supposed to stress the action of the series, but it's kind of a dull shot. Why would anyone choose this bizarre and unflattering photo to use as the cover for a supposedly "fun" book aimed at children? I just don't know...but I'm glad they did. As a bonus - let's visit the Bionic Beauty Salon...

Most Tragic Halloween Costume

The winner: "One of the Brady Bunch."  Thanks to all who voted!!! Now vote for real on Tuesday!!!

What was in YOUR Halloween Bag?

Another Halloween come and gone...time to pack up the pumpkins and put away the spooky knick-knacks. Before you know it, it'll be time to deck the halls. I love how stores now start stocking Christmas decor the SAME TIME as Halloween. Pretty soon Christmas and Back-to-School will begin to overlap. Do you think in the future the yuletime season will be 365 days a year? I wonder if Criswell had anything to say about that? 

trick or treat?

I don't know about you, but I'd be a bit cautious before biting into a "treat" that has both "Doody" and "Fudge" in the name.

TV tie-in merchandise that makes you say "cool!!"

'Tis the night before Halloween, when all through my home

Not a creature was stirring, not even a gnome;

The pumpkins were placed by the fireplace nook,

As I settle down cozy with a real trippy book.

I'd love a blow-up painting of this  1970 Authorized Edition by William Johnston. Notice that "Durwood" is Dick Sargent and not Dick York! Apparently this is the only

BEWITCHED memorabilia that features the likeness of Darrin #2. What a perfect way to usher in the spookiest day of the year!

Vote for MOST Tragic Halloween Costume

And finally...I didn't know they made a John Wayne Gacy costume...
This concludes my parade of tragic Halloween costumes, I hope you all enjoyed 'em.

I'd love for readers to vote on which they think is the MOST tragic...

The Nominees are

A) Marie Osmond

B) Donny Osmond

C) Jimmy Osmond

D) Laura Ingalls

E) Samantha

F) Jeannie

G) Witchie-Poo

H) Six-Million Dollar Man

I) Bionic Woman

J) The Fonz

K) Laverne

L) Shirley

M) Mork

N) Farah

O) Sabrina

P) Captain Stubing

Q) Tattoo

R) One of The Brady Bunch

S) Mr. Kotter

T) Barbarino

U) Kung Fu

V) Julia

W) Sleestak

X) Electra Woman

Y) Big Foot

Z) The Evil Clown (see above)

THE PAUL LYNDE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

What has been heralded as one of the worst hours of television ever - THE PAUL LYNDE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL has got to be seen to be believed. This ABC special originally aired once in 1976, but after years of showing up a bootleg copies, it's finally available on DVD.The show has a loose "storyline", as legendary flamboyant HOLLYWOOD SQUARES celebrity Paul first thinks it's a Christmas special, then an Easter special, and then a Valentines Day special - until his elderly housekeeper (guest star Margaret Hamilton) sets him straight, so to speak. After a barrage of cornball jokes (some written by Bruce Vilanch), Paul breaks out in song: a decidedly Halloween take on "Kids" from "Bye, Bye Birdie". (Which Mr. Lynde introduced in the original Broadway show). Basically the song is a complaint about the younger generation, calling out everything that is wrong with them. My favorite line is "Too much Alice Cooper and not enough Alice Faye!" Like anyone in 1976 knew who Alice Faye was! During this number he gets attacked by trick or treaters dressed as devils - but two of the gang members are revealed to be his ABC pals Donny & Marie in a cheap cameo.After the song, Margaret convinces her bitchy and bitter boss Paul to take a drive with her to visit her sister, who lives at the mysterious Gloomsbury Manor. Sis turns out to be none other than the fabulous Witchie-Poo (Billie Hayes) from H.R. PUFNSTUF! Then, amazingly Margaret transforms herself into her WIZARD OF OZ character - the Wicked Witch of the West! Talk about crossovers! It turns out the witches want to enlist Paul to help them erase their negetive media image. 1970s little person superstar Billy Barty shows up as the butler–just in time for some insulting midget jokes, followed by an appearance by a delightfully youthful Betty White as Miss Halloween 1976 - who has won a date with Paul, but she was expecting PAUL NEWMAN! The witches then offer Paul 3 wishes...Wish #1 - Paul wishes to be a "rhinestone trucker", apparently so he can communicate with Tim Conway via CB radio-which was all the rage in '76. Tim arrives at a dinner where Pinky Tuscadero (Roz Kelly from HAPPY DAYS) is the waitress. Tim is about to marry Pinky, but Paul crashes through the wall with his big rig in time to stop the wedding and ask Pinky to marry him instead! Pinky challenges the guys to a contest to see who's more macho. Billy Barty plays the "short order cook"-and he's the most macho!!!Whaa-whaa. What does all this have to do with Halloween? Then there's an awful musical number with Paul, Pinky and Tim and some square-dancing disco dancers. After which the witches invite some of their musician friends to perform "chamber music" for Paul - and the quartet turns out to be none other than KISS - who perform "Detroit Rock City," while the camera rotates 360 degrees and viewers get queasy. Then the witches play Monopoly with Paul. Huh?Wish #2 -Paul wishes he was in the Sarah dessert - he's now a dashingly romantic sheik and Florence Henderson is his potentially lusty lover. Mrs. Brady was already used to faking romance with gay leading men-so she plays along just fine. He tells her he first fell for her after he saw her "milking a cobra"! Then he talks about the "ruby portrals of her lips" and he gives his rival Tim Conway a cock-a-too "cause a man gets lonely in the foreign legion." Bruce Vilanch was probably giggling backstage and loving that he got away with all this filthy innuendo. How can they top this? Wish #3 - Paul goes to a haunted discothèque - "the only play where a person can hustle without getting arrested". Then just when you think it can't get any worse, Florence appears sporting a Dorothy Hamill hairdo and a glittering black gown and sings a disco version of "That Old Black Magic".Then KISS comes back to sing the monster hit "Beth" and another song called "King of the Nighttime World." (I think it's supposed be about Larry King, but I'm not sure) It all comes to an end when Pinky returns to sing "Disco Lady" with Paul and the rest if the cast in an epic production number, while the guys from KISS look on in disbelief. Roll credits.
This has to be the strangest, gayest, bitchiest, most surreal mess ever to air on primetime TV - but of course, I love it. Now if only someone would put out a DVD set of the one-season wonder THE PAUL LYNDE SHOW - then I'd really be happy. Imagine Paul as an upscale, wisecracking Archie Bunker-type dad who gets dumped in the swimming pool each and every week - doesn't that sound truly heavenly?

Animated Halloween Specials (part 3)

"The Great Pumpkin" first appeared in the Peanuts comic strip in the early 1960s. Each Halloween season, Linus Van Pelt would get all worked up for nothing- anticipating the arrival of this mythical character in the most sincere pumpkin patch-and always facing disappointment when the GP doesn't come through for him. Linus' blind faith in the unknown was a recurring theme that fans of the strip looked forward to for dozens of years. The boy's humiliation is brief because there's always hope for next year. I've always found this sweet sentiment somewhat depressing - but it made for an entertaining comic strip.
In 1966, after the success of A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS - CBS premiered what would turn out to be the most-popular and best-loved Halloween cartoon ever, IT'S THE GREAT PUMPKIN CHARLIE BROWN. With a gloomy jazzy soundtrack and wonderful "graphic blandishment", this special evokes the season of autumn like no other.
Each autumn, children (and adults) everywhere would turn in with great anticipation in hopes that maybe this year The Great Pumpkin will indeed appear and all will be right in the world for once - and perhaps Lucy Van Pelt will let Charlie Brown kick a football without pulling it away.  Don't bet on that either.Linus even recruits young Sally Brown to sit out in the pumpkin patch with him, thereby missing her first chance of participating in "tricks or treats". Of course, the GP never does show up, but the melancholia doesn't end there. Our pathetic hero Charlie Brown is finally invited to a party with the rest of the kids. Or is he? Turns out crabby Lucy  soon informs him that there were two lists, people to invite and people not to invite and Charlie's name was on wrong list. (Spoiler: he manages to show up at the party anyhow - and the girls use his bald head as a model for their pumpkin).
When the kids are putting on their Halloween costumes, Lucy deliciously delivers the best line in the show when she informs the gang that "a person should always choose a costume which is in direct contrast to her own personality" and then dons a a wicked green witch mask. Classic! Things go from bad to worse for Charlie when every house that the kids visit gives out treats, but Charlie Brown reaches into his bag and declares "I got a rock." Following this is an unbearably over-long fantasy sequence involving Snoopy pretending to be a World War One flying ace. Luckily we have fast-forward buttons nowadays.Linus sums it all up best when he tells us that "there are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin." Amen, brother.The special aired on CBS every season until 2001-when ABC purchased the rights to the classic Peanuts specials and padded them with some poor-quality extras, expanding the show to an hour's length. It airs this Tuesday night at 8PM on ABC. But for some reason, it's just not the same.
Meanwhile, every year Linus continues to get mocked for his beliefs, but somehow he perseveres. You gotta admit, the kid is admirable in his unwavering devotion to The Great Pumpkin and that things will be different next time, but maybe it's about time he gets some pharmaceutical or psychiatric help.